Well, it's official. 2009 has been just about the worst year of my life. It's been so fucked up, in fact, that I have had no small measure of difficulty writing about most of it. Some of it was embarrassing or downright humiliating, some of it was just plain fucked up. But even worse, my dream kinda sorta came true in the midst of everything else, thereby insuring that I couldn't enjoy it for more than a brief moment.
My real-life friend and fellow off-and-on blogger K just posted a simliar blog entry where she provided some highlights and lowlights of her year in review. I have decided to do the same, except I'll only focus on my own life rather than the larger picture because I'm just that important.
(The very few) Highlights:
My novel was published.
I was employed.
Some people purchased copies of my novel.
The Many Lowlights:
I was nearly thrown in jail for missing the deadline on a traffic ticket
I dropped over a thousand dollars on my car that still runs like shit
My supervisor wound up pregnant despite having had her tubes tied and was replaced by a robot whose unrealistic expectations placed my job in jeopardy
I nearly foreclosed on my mortgage due to the State of Michigan randomly pulling out almost a thousand dollars for a 13 year old debt at the exact moment I was going to pay the mortgage
My one and only book signing was a total failure
My next supervisor was equally robotic and unrealistic and I discovered that her nickname is "Exit Interview."
I lost my job right before Christmas. Thankfully, I had an offer for a new job within 48 hours & have been hired for similar pay and benefits but at a much shittier place.
I went on Facebook one day and saw pictures of the former love of my life getting married
I searched very hard for a reason to live to see 2010 (reason still pending)
So needless to say 2010 could be even worse. All the things that took place in 2009 could deteriorate in the coming year or give birth to worse things. I put up a good act on Facebook but daily I am falling apart and I sincerely doubt that's going to change.
Happy fucking new year~
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
EXTENDED STAY ANNOUNCEMENT
Far too much has happened of late for me to stop adding to this blog at the end of December. So as of now, I am extending its updates until at least the end of January, possibly February. I feel an undeniable need to vent and this is where I come to do it.
So you will have old Scribe to kick around a bit longer. Besides, I have this weird feeling that blogging is about to make a comeback in light of all the privacy intrusions happening at Facebook. We'll see, I guess.
Coming up next, tranny wedding pics!!!
So you will have old Scribe to kick around a bit longer. Besides, I have this weird feeling that blogging is about to make a comeback in light of all the privacy intrusions happening at Facebook. We'll see, I guess.
Coming up next, tranny wedding pics!!!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
A RANT THAT CAN ONLY BE FOUND HERE.
The main thing I’m going to miss about this blog is the freedom it provides for me to post things like this. Nowhere else do I feel relatively safe to do this without fear of reprisal. American Guy once asked why someone would want to continue posting under a pseudonym instead of under their own name on sites like Facebook…well, this is why.
A few years ago when blogging was still the big deal, there was an unnamed attorney whose no comments enabled blog was used to just rail against his wife. God, did he despise her. She seemed to be everything he found reprehensible, shallow, whiney, demanding and never satisfied. It was a blog of note for quite some time, and I always found it amusing that an ATTORNEY had the temerity to take a position of moral superiority.
One female blogger used hers as a way of lamenting her horrible relationship and her lack of willingness to change it. She didn’t last long, however, so I’ve often wondered if she got caught writing it or jut gave up. She seemed awfully depressed, so I’ve also wondered if she opted for a self-imposed final solution.
I remember a blogging couple (how I loathe those) of neo-cons who happened upon my blog one lovely day and decided to firebomb me with thinly veiled insults such as, “Organzied Chaos is right!” When I clicked onto their blog to respond to one of their diatribes, there was no way to do it because they had disabled comments. Cowards.
My favorite blogger was a teenager named “Bush-Cheney is not the Devil.” He would post sound clips from Rush Limbaugh and Michael Savage and then spend way too much time basically transcribing them as if it was his opinion and not theirs. That kid got a lot of responses, most of them pretty middle of the road, until I blew in.
Then there was “Niggaface,” a hilarious young man whose journey of self-discovery seemed to be taking place on his blog. He was an extremely gifted writer but unfortunately I lost the link to his blog when I changed mine around.
My second favorite blogger was some guy called “Minister Scribe.” What a nut. He presented himself as some kind of non-religious religious leader with all this made-up insanity about…hmmm? Oh, right. Never mind that part.
Most recently, I came to enjoy the insane ravings of a woman who claims to be a reformed lesbian whose anti-gay posts are truly something to behold. She rails against liberals and those that don’t believe in God by judging, employing hate tactics and basically encouraging violence against the people that symbolize her own conflicted nature.
Over the years, I accumulated quite a readership. Who knows how large it might be now if not for the fact that I had to delete my original blog and restart it in order to avoid prying eyes? There’s no way to know. I don’t think it matters anymore. Facebook hath spoken and, according to the letter its too-cool creator sent out the other day, it is now 350 million strong. From cult to religion in just a few years.
But I don’t care how immediate or user friendly Facebook is, it will never be the same. It forces people to use their own names, it encourages locating people from one’s past, and writing beyond the occasional snippet has nothing to do with it. Not to mention the simple fact that I can’t write the following rant there for obvious reasons:
(Former) EFB's mother is such an unbelievable racist! She is repulsed by the way several of her daughter's former friends in the old money town of Grosse Pointe turned out. Many of them ran didn't walk away from that place and moved to other parts of the country where they apparently became liberals. LIIIiiiiberalllllsssss!!!!
One such silver spoon child turned out to have a gay brother, bad enough in her mom's eyes, but imagIne her revulsion when she learned he married...A BLACK MAN!! AAAHHhhhhhhh!
That's right, there are photOs all over her Facebook page of her brother-in-law and he just couldn't be blacker. There are also photos of her children taking part in the wedding. Now, if her mom was a consistent conservative, her true outrage would concern the children, O the dear, sweet children...WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!?
Instead, she's more morally outraged by the fact that he's black. As if being a homosexual isn't "bad" enough these days, its the blatant immorality of choosing a black man as his life-partner that sends her Austrian blood to boiling.
Y'know, every time I start feeling sorry for her because of thehorrible way she treated by her ex-husband or the fact that she's all alone due to her second husband's sudden death, I am informed of something like this and I realize how evil and unlikable she really is.
Yeah...that one ain't gonna show up on facebook~
A few years ago when blogging was still the big deal, there was an unnamed attorney whose no comments enabled blog was used to just rail against his wife. God, did he despise her. She seemed to be everything he found reprehensible, shallow, whiney, demanding and never satisfied. It was a blog of note for quite some time, and I always found it amusing that an ATTORNEY had the temerity to take a position of moral superiority.
One female blogger used hers as a way of lamenting her horrible relationship and her lack of willingness to change it. She didn’t last long, however, so I’ve often wondered if she got caught writing it or jut gave up. She seemed awfully depressed, so I’ve also wondered if she opted for a self-imposed final solution.
I remember a blogging couple (how I loathe those) of neo-cons who happened upon my blog one lovely day and decided to firebomb me with thinly veiled insults such as, “Organzied Chaos is right!” When I clicked onto their blog to respond to one of their diatribes, there was no way to do it because they had disabled comments. Cowards.
My favorite blogger was a teenager named “Bush-Cheney is not the Devil.” He would post sound clips from Rush Limbaugh and Michael Savage and then spend way too much time basically transcribing them as if it was his opinion and not theirs. That kid got a lot of responses, most of them pretty middle of the road, until I blew in.
Then there was “Niggaface,” a hilarious young man whose journey of self-discovery seemed to be taking place on his blog. He was an extremely gifted writer but unfortunately I lost the link to his blog when I changed mine around.
My second favorite blogger was some guy called “Minister Scribe.” What a nut. He presented himself as some kind of non-religious religious leader with all this made-up insanity about…hmmm? Oh, right. Never mind that part.
Most recently, I came to enjoy the insane ravings of a woman who claims to be a reformed lesbian whose anti-gay posts are truly something to behold. She rails against liberals and those that don’t believe in God by judging, employing hate tactics and basically encouraging violence against the people that symbolize her own conflicted nature.
Over the years, I accumulated quite a readership. Who knows how large it might be now if not for the fact that I had to delete my original blog and restart it in order to avoid prying eyes? There’s no way to know. I don’t think it matters anymore. Facebook hath spoken and, according to the letter its too-cool creator sent out the other day, it is now 350 million strong. From cult to religion in just a few years.
But I don’t care how immediate or user friendly Facebook is, it will never be the same. It forces people to use their own names, it encourages locating people from one’s past, and writing beyond the occasional snippet has nothing to do with it. Not to mention the simple fact that I can’t write the following rant there for obvious reasons:
(Former) EFB's mother is such an unbelievable racist! She is repulsed by the way several of her daughter's former friends in the old money town of Grosse Pointe turned out. Many of them ran didn't walk away from that place and moved to other parts of the country where they apparently became liberals. LIIIiiiiberalllllsssss!!!!
One such silver spoon child turned out to have a gay brother, bad enough in her mom's eyes, but imagIne her revulsion when she learned he married...A BLACK MAN!! AAAHHhhhhhhh!
That's right, there are photOs all over her Facebook page of her brother-in-law and he just couldn't be blacker. There are also photos of her children taking part in the wedding. Now, if her mom was a consistent conservative, her true outrage would concern the children, O the dear, sweet children...WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!?
Instead, she's more morally outraged by the fact that he's black. As if being a homosexual isn't "bad" enough these days, its the blatant immorality of choosing a black man as his life-partner that sends her Austrian blood to boiling.
Y'know, every time I start feeling sorry for her because of thehorrible way she treated by her ex-husband or the fact that she's all alone due to her second husband's sudden death, I am informed of something like this and I realize how evil and unlikable she really is.
Yeah...that one ain't gonna show up on facebook~
Thursday, December 17, 2009
So, as we wind down to the final days of Organized Chaos, I feel the need to reflect not on my many years of blogging (that will come later) but on the fact that those who once and still read this thing seem to love them some lists! In fact, I think it’s safe to assume that it was my lists that kept up interest even as it started to wane. I do seem to have a talent for creating them and rarely repeating myself.
So, here’s one literally off the top of my head. It’s about things that are really ******* me off at the moment, things I’m tired of.
I am TIRED of:
- Working for a place that penalizes me for having to take a shit!
- People who don’t turn their fucking TV’s down or off when they’re on the phone conducting business!
- Insincere fucks who pretend to be concerned for your well being then find ways to fuck you in the ear whenever possible!
- My mortgage company that calls to find out when my payment will be made, notates that date, then calls back again and again asking the same fucking question!
- The pop music scene and its sad over-reliance on manufactured controversy to remain relevant!
- Whiney Christians complaining about retailers not mentioning Christmas in their advertising when 95% of them mention nothing but!
- Being told I’m lucky to have a job as if the companies aren’t lucky to have employees helping them turn a profit in shitty financial times!
- People that are pissed off just to be pissed off because they are too passive in their everyday lives to take out their ire on the real causes of it!
- Everybody except me being rewarded for mediocrity in an environment where it is expected!
- Not having a sizable print run of my novel!
- Having to navigate around three dogs in my house, including one destructive puppy that (former) EFB cannot see as doing any wrong!
- Being surrounded by luscious asses and not being able to do shit about it!
- Terrible writers getting great publishing deals and being hailed by mindless simpletons whose taste is all in their mouths!
- People that won’t shut the flame up long enough to realize you’ve already anticipated their question, answered it and resolved whatever they’re complaining about!
- The phrase “My baby daddy” and the many variations thereof!
- Meetings, each more pointless and absurd than the last, existing merely to validate jobs and enforce inane policies!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
I have thought long and hard about this and have finally reached a decision: Organized Chaos as it currently exists will be coming to an end on December 31, 2009.
For the few stragglers still reading this blog, you should already know that this year has been a struggle for me in all ways possible. Despite the fact that I had a novel “come out” this year, the ever-widening hole at the center of me has continued to grow. Everything is crashing down around me and I am finding it increasingly difficult to care.
As a consequence, updating this stupid fucking blog has become more of a chore than a joy. I find that I often have nothing to say and that when I do it is too hard to get people to listen these days. If it doesn’t come in the form of a one or two sentence snippet on Facebook, it is apparently considered too much work. Well, it has become even more work to write these posts anymore.
I have a lot of decisions awaiting me this December. Most of them I’ll not share with anyone not even the closest people to me. I don’t need input or help or words of wisdom. This is an informational post, no more, no less.
I enjoyed blogging while it lasted. Often times it helped me feel alive. I now realize that feeling was little more than a brief distraction from the harsh and cure realities of life. And like anything with a finite appeal, it no longer provides anything resembling what it once did.
I have started seeing a therapist, even though I know it’s too late for it to make a difference. I told her the same thing I’ll tell you: I am very good at hiding what goes on beneath the surface. You might see me laughing, cracking the occasional rare smile or even seeming to have a great time. It is an act. It always was but more now than ever. Is it any wonder why I see this whole thing as an exercise in futility?
I had several posts in mind to update those of you who still read this blog about my state of mind but I’ve come wonder at the wisdom of posting my innermost shit on a blog where people who now have access to a certain someone can link what I write at will. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that I don’t trust anybody anymore. Still, my sense of loyalty to my vulturific readership demands that I at least provide a general overview of sorts.
Here are the highlights: Legal troubles early in the year where I almost wound up going to jail for ten days because some posturing, asshole judge didn’t want to give me 24 hours to pay a fine. A book that is out but has yet to see an actual, respectable print run. Horrible issues at work that have been so stressful and overwhelming I wound up seeing a shrink. Pressures from nearly all sides to accept my lot in life and pressure from a smaller contingent urging me not to do that. Constant reminders of my constant failures and lack of self-worth. And to top it all off, pictures posted online of the only person who ever made me feel like I mattered…on her wedding day!
I used to share my pain with you. I saw the blog as a form of catharsis. That was before everything just went to far. There is no cathartic release anymore. Everything that needed to be released is right here next to me all the time. The only left now is the decision I make about what happens next.
Aside from works of fiction, I have nothing left to say~
For the few stragglers still reading this blog, you should already know that this year has been a struggle for me in all ways possible. Despite the fact that I had a novel “come out” this year, the ever-widening hole at the center of me has continued to grow. Everything is crashing down around me and I am finding it increasingly difficult to care.
As a consequence, updating this stupid fucking blog has become more of a chore than a joy. I find that I often have nothing to say and that when I do it is too hard to get people to listen these days. If it doesn’t come in the form of a one or two sentence snippet on Facebook, it is apparently considered too much work. Well, it has become even more work to write these posts anymore.
I have a lot of decisions awaiting me this December. Most of them I’ll not share with anyone not even the closest people to me. I don’t need input or help or words of wisdom. This is an informational post, no more, no less.
I enjoyed blogging while it lasted. Often times it helped me feel alive. I now realize that feeling was little more than a brief distraction from the harsh and cure realities of life. And like anything with a finite appeal, it no longer provides anything resembling what it once did.
I have started seeing a therapist, even though I know it’s too late for it to make a difference. I told her the same thing I’ll tell you: I am very good at hiding what goes on beneath the surface. You might see me laughing, cracking the occasional rare smile or even seeming to have a great time. It is an act. It always was but more now than ever. Is it any wonder why I see this whole thing as an exercise in futility?
I had several posts in mind to update those of you who still read this blog about my state of mind but I’ve come wonder at the wisdom of posting my innermost shit on a blog where people who now have access to a certain someone can link what I write at will. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that I don’t trust anybody anymore. Still, my sense of loyalty to my vulturific readership demands that I at least provide a general overview of sorts.
Here are the highlights: Legal troubles early in the year where I almost wound up going to jail for ten days because some posturing, asshole judge didn’t want to give me 24 hours to pay a fine. A book that is out but has yet to see an actual, respectable print run. Horrible issues at work that have been so stressful and overwhelming I wound up seeing a shrink. Pressures from nearly all sides to accept my lot in life and pressure from a smaller contingent urging me not to do that. Constant reminders of my constant failures and lack of self-worth. And to top it all off, pictures posted online of the only person who ever made me feel like I mattered…on her wedding day!
I used to share my pain with you. I saw the blog as a form of catharsis. That was before everything just went to far. There is no cathartic release anymore. Everything that needed to be released is right here next to me all the time. The only left now is the decision I make about what happens next.
Aside from works of fiction, I have nothing left to say~
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
DUDE'S STORY: THE NEW ERA
Dude truly is an amazing creature. His actions have a resonance that survives all possible barriers including distance and denial. I really thought that once the Aussie left the U.S. the whole thing was over.
Like you, I went through update withdrawals. Who didn’t thrill to the stunningly moronic adventures of the man who believed everything a woman on the Internet told him? Who didn’t want to know what would happen next once they knew she looked nothing like she represented and was evil incarnate? Was it not the icing on the cake when we found out she’d turned his family against him in less than two months? What could possibly trump that little tidbit?
Shut up and I’ll tell ya.
When the Aussie left for home, Dude had visions of a hottie in Canada dancing around in his mostly empty head. During the Aussie’s stay here, he and the hottie exchanged text messages about how deceitful the former was and how the hottie was just becoming interested in him before he brought the evil to his home. Determined to meet up with this much more attractive mammal, Dude did everything he could to make the Aussie’s stay miserable. Soon as she was gone, the hottie suddenly decided she was going through a lot of things and wasn’t ready for any type of relationship. Typical. But what happened next was not.
Dude made the egregious error of writing that he was “missing someone” on his Facebook status update. The Aussie saw it because, for some reason, he never removed her from his friends list. She wrote something like, “Awww, miss you too, mate,” or words to that effect. The hottie in Canada saw this and lit into her.
She basically wrote that Dude was not talking about her, not the Aussie, and that the recently departed moose-like creature misrepresented herself before they met. As if that weren’t enough, as the argument proceeded, the hottie asked her the following incendiary question: “Did you know that what you stepped off the airplane and Dude saw you, he was texting me saying, ‘Oh, God no?’”
Excuse me a moment…Bwaaa haaa haaa haaa haaaaaa aahhhhaaa haaaa!!!
Ok, I’m back. I don’t know for sure, but I’m guessing she went into greater detail than that judging by her reaction and subsequent actions. Apparently, Hell hath no fury like a marsupial scorned. One can understand her ire. She did help him out financially while she was here and played the domestic role rather well. To find out he was already in contact with another woman while she was arriving would naturally anger anyone but to also find out he was referring to her as repugnant and biding his time until he could hook up with someone else must surely have been the last straw.
So the Aussie’s coming after his ass. I have no idea how realistic her claims are, but she is planning to file a lawsuit for defamation of character and have him arrested by the Michigan State Police for conning her out of her money. How she plans to prove any of this is the greatest mystery of all but it could cause a major headache for Dude at a terrible time.
Dude is losing his house. His pointless attempts to become a real estate agent in a historically awful housing market have caused financial ruin. In addition, losing his wife who worked two jobs and the Aussie situation going bust has left him without options. It is too late to get a roommate now and his family will not offer any more assistance. Now he’s afraid he’s going to be arrested!
If I wrote this as a novel, people would find it preposterous. It would be the worst sort of Joe Esterhaus type story filled with plot contrivances and convenient developments. Yet life often provides exactly that and this time it has come in the form of one nasty-lookin’ chick from Down Under. Maybe that’s why I’m having trouble writing lately because something much more interesting is happening for real!
I’ll keep you posted~
Like you, I went through update withdrawals. Who didn’t thrill to the stunningly moronic adventures of the man who believed everything a woman on the Internet told him? Who didn’t want to know what would happen next once they knew she looked nothing like she represented and was evil incarnate? Was it not the icing on the cake when we found out she’d turned his family against him in less than two months? What could possibly trump that little tidbit?
Shut up and I’ll tell ya.
When the Aussie left for home, Dude had visions of a hottie in Canada dancing around in his mostly empty head. During the Aussie’s stay here, he and the hottie exchanged text messages about how deceitful the former was and how the hottie was just becoming interested in him before he brought the evil to his home. Determined to meet up with this much more attractive mammal, Dude did everything he could to make the Aussie’s stay miserable. Soon as she was gone, the hottie suddenly decided she was going through a lot of things and wasn’t ready for any type of relationship. Typical. But what happened next was not.
Dude made the egregious error of writing that he was “missing someone” on his Facebook status update. The Aussie saw it because, for some reason, he never removed her from his friends list. She wrote something like, “Awww, miss you too, mate,” or words to that effect. The hottie in Canada saw this and lit into her.
She basically wrote that Dude was not talking about her, not the Aussie, and that the recently departed moose-like creature misrepresented herself before they met. As if that weren’t enough, as the argument proceeded, the hottie asked her the following incendiary question: “Did you know that what you stepped off the airplane and Dude saw you, he was texting me saying, ‘Oh, God no?’”
Excuse me a moment…Bwaaa haaa haaa haaa haaaaaa aahhhhaaa haaaa!!!
Ok, I’m back. I don’t know for sure, but I’m guessing she went into greater detail than that judging by her reaction and subsequent actions. Apparently, Hell hath no fury like a marsupial scorned. One can understand her ire. She did help him out financially while she was here and played the domestic role rather well. To find out he was already in contact with another woman while she was arriving would naturally anger anyone but to also find out he was referring to her as repugnant and biding his time until he could hook up with someone else must surely have been the last straw.
So the Aussie’s coming after his ass. I have no idea how realistic her claims are, but she is planning to file a lawsuit for defamation of character and have him arrested by the Michigan State Police for conning her out of her money. How she plans to prove any of this is the greatest mystery of all but it could cause a major headache for Dude at a terrible time.
Dude is losing his house. His pointless attempts to become a real estate agent in a historically awful housing market have caused financial ruin. In addition, losing his wife who worked two jobs and the Aussie situation going bust has left him without options. It is too late to get a roommate now and his family will not offer any more assistance. Now he’s afraid he’s going to be arrested!
If I wrote this as a novel, people would find it preposterous. It would be the worst sort of Joe Esterhaus type story filled with plot contrivances and convenient developments. Yet life often provides exactly that and this time it has come in the form of one nasty-lookin’ chick from Down Under. Maybe that’s why I’m having trouble writing lately because something much more interesting is happening for real!
I’ll keep you posted~
Thursday, October 29, 2009
THE "EFB" QUESTION
For the past year or more, the vultures have been asking me why EFB is now (former) EFB. And for that time I have avoided answering the question, mainly because I wasn’t sure I knew. After all, she’s still the same person, for the most part. So what has changed?
She’s still a conservative, although she voted for Obama in the most recent election. Apparently, Catholic conservatives don’t feel comfortable with right-wing wing nuts like Sara Palin in the White House. Or maybe it was just her, considering her brother had no problem with the former Alaskan governor turned undeserved successful author.
She still has questionable views on race, especially as it pertains to the American condition and the causes for the issues we face on this side of the world. (Yes, lccb I’m including Central & South America).
She certainly hasn’t stopped believing in the “superiority” of white physical attractiveness. She still get into creaming, swearing, psychotic arguments with her mom both in person and over the phone which often culminate in her screeching, “evil old fucking bitch!” But most of you who have been reading me for years know her mom is an evil, insane old racist filled with more hate than the legal limit allows.
And if you know that, you probably also know that her siblings are a collective hive mind of intolerant, judgmental, superior minded assholes. So, what’s changed? What makes a peon like that no longer a total EFB? Well, it starts with me and my own hypocrisy.
As a left-leaning individual, I often cite environment as a determining factor in one’s behavior and actions. Having met she and her family that argument has grown in intensity; conservatives tend to judge based on moments without context and they are no exception. Well, she is an exception now.
Perhaps it has come from knowing me for so long or listening to what I had to say. Perhaps she’s literally never heard anyone present an intelligent argument to the contrary of what her sainted Libertarian brother said about all things political and social. Actually, I’m pretty sure that’s the case.
Maybe being with a person of mixed race has provided her with an outlook and perspective he never could have achieved with what I like to call a mono-toned person. That is mot likely the case as recent development have shown. (More on those in a later post)
Basically, I realized that in order for me to make my argument about environment, I had to acknowledge that she too is a product of hers. To do anything else would make me a hypocrite, like her family members that deal with their screed up kids then criticize “urban youth.”
So, I took a long hard look at my inner Scribe. Then I looked at her background. Then I watched how she related to her family members as oppose to when I first met her. Then I watched some “South Park” reruns and laughed hysterically and went to bed at which point I forgot about my little experiment for about three years. Or maybe it was three weeks, whatever. I got back to it eventually so who are you to criticize?
I used that objective journalistic training I never received and wound up seeing some disturbingly shocking truths; most notably that EFB was indeed a product of her environment. Without making excuses (and really, why would I?) I considered the type of family from which she’d come. A mom whose every moment is ruled by agenda and emotion, siblings who are of a hive mentality while still insisting they are individuals with their own minds, angered whenever she strays from the mold. In particular, she has two oppressive, incredibly sexist brothers who refute anything they don’t like hearing or that makes the white race look negative. I mentioned the brothers because her sisters seem to see thinking as a man’s game, especially the two married ones. The single, eldest sister has some ideas but spends most of her time garnering sympathy from their mother and turning her against EFB.
Add to this a father that would inflict physical punishment for such horrible transgressions as elbows on the dinner table and you gain a pretty clear insight into just how fucked up she should be.
However, EFB is nothing if not strong-willed. Somehow she has continued to carve out her own identity or at least as much as she can in light of the dictatorship he grew up under. Having finally stopped resisting listening to other forms of thought, namely that which occurs above the brain stem, she has become far more well rounded than those to whom she is related.
I call her former EFB because I no longer believe the “E” is accurate anymore than I would call the angry criminal evil because he succumbed to the often insurmountable bullshit in his environment. It’s easy to judge others when our own lives were far stabler. Yes, my parents also divorced when I was in single digits. Yes, my dad was about a useful in life as a third testicle. But my support system was strong and open-minded and I was never made to feel like a failure because I disagreed with someone or chose a different path. My mother never called me such lovely things as (list a many as possible) when I disappointed her in the name of tough love, which is obviously thinly disguised resentment.
It’s easy to judge someone who, on the surface, had ever advantage in modern American life. But then I look at her nieces and nephews who have even more and realize that doesn’t mean shit.
So, it was fun using the acronym but I can’t in good conscience continue to do so. That’s why she’s (former) EFB~
She’s still a conservative, although she voted for Obama in the most recent election. Apparently, Catholic conservatives don’t feel comfortable with right-wing wing nuts like Sara Palin in the White House. Or maybe it was just her, considering her brother had no problem with the former Alaskan governor turned undeserved successful author.
She still has questionable views on race, especially as it pertains to the American condition and the causes for the issues we face on this side of the world. (Yes, lccb I’m including Central & South America).
She certainly hasn’t stopped believing in the “superiority” of white physical attractiveness. She still get into creaming, swearing, psychotic arguments with her mom both in person and over the phone which often culminate in her screeching, “evil old fucking bitch!” But most of you who have been reading me for years know her mom is an evil, insane old racist filled with more hate than the legal limit allows.
And if you know that, you probably also know that her siblings are a collective hive mind of intolerant, judgmental, superior minded assholes. So, what’s changed? What makes a peon like that no longer a total EFB? Well, it starts with me and my own hypocrisy.
As a left-leaning individual, I often cite environment as a determining factor in one’s behavior and actions. Having met she and her family that argument has grown in intensity; conservatives tend to judge based on moments without context and they are no exception. Well, she is an exception now.
Perhaps it has come from knowing me for so long or listening to what I had to say. Perhaps she’s literally never heard anyone present an intelligent argument to the contrary of what her sainted Libertarian brother said about all things political and social. Actually, I’m pretty sure that’s the case.
Maybe being with a person of mixed race has provided her with an outlook and perspective he never could have achieved with what I like to call a mono-toned person. That is mot likely the case as recent development have shown. (More on those in a later post)
Basically, I realized that in order for me to make my argument about environment, I had to acknowledge that she too is a product of hers. To do anything else would make me a hypocrite, like her family members that deal with their screed up kids then criticize “urban youth.”
So, I took a long hard look at my inner Scribe. Then I looked at her background. Then I watched how she related to her family members as oppose to when I first met her. Then I watched some “South Park” reruns and laughed hysterically and went to bed at which point I forgot about my little experiment for about three years. Or maybe it was three weeks, whatever. I got back to it eventually so who are you to criticize?
I used that objective journalistic training I never received and wound up seeing some disturbingly shocking truths; most notably that EFB was indeed a product of her environment. Without making excuses (and really, why would I?) I considered the type of family from which she’d come. A mom whose every moment is ruled by agenda and emotion, siblings who are of a hive mentality while still insisting they are individuals with their own minds, angered whenever she strays from the mold. In particular, she has two oppressive, incredibly sexist brothers who refute anything they don’t like hearing or that makes the white race look negative. I mentioned the brothers because her sisters seem to see thinking as a man’s game, especially the two married ones. The single, eldest sister has some ideas but spends most of her time garnering sympathy from their mother and turning her against EFB.
Add to this a father that would inflict physical punishment for such horrible transgressions as elbows on the dinner table and you gain a pretty clear insight into just how fucked up she should be.
However, EFB is nothing if not strong-willed. Somehow she has continued to carve out her own identity or at least as much as she can in light of the dictatorship he grew up under. Having finally stopped resisting listening to other forms of thought, namely that which occurs above the brain stem, she has become far more well rounded than those to whom she is related.
I call her former EFB because I no longer believe the “E” is accurate anymore than I would call the angry criminal evil because he succumbed to the often insurmountable bullshit in his environment. It’s easy to judge others when our own lives were far stabler. Yes, my parents also divorced when I was in single digits. Yes, my dad was about a useful in life as a third testicle. But my support system was strong and open-minded and I was never made to feel like a failure because I disagreed with someone or chose a different path. My mother never called me such lovely things as (list a many as possible) when I disappointed her in the name of tough love, which is obviously thinly disguised resentment.
It’s easy to judge someone who, on the surface, had ever advantage in modern American life. But then I look at her nieces and nephews who have even more and realize that doesn’t mean shit.
So, it was fun using the acronym but I can’t in good conscience continue to do so. That’s why she’s (former) EFB~
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
REPLIES TO DEATH POST COMMENTS:
Instead of replying in the comments section of my previous post, I thought I’d write an actual response to all you splendiferous mothafukas that took the time to write such impassioned comments. Y’all is some truly delightful sum bitches.
Okay, enough gooey praise.
I’ll respond to Green first, as he has been my most ardent commenter and loyal reader, especially over the past year as Facebook has taken my Blogger family away from me one by one:
I’m not afraid of death either, I’m afraid of a wasted life. I don’t scoff at your belief in a bright and sunny reward in the after-life, I simply don’t share it. I have my own beliefs about what happens once we’re no longer in our bodies and it isn’t based on a reward system of faith and devout observation. I disagree strongly with the idea that what happens after we die doesn’t matter if there’s nothing after. In fact, I think that’s insane. AG is absolutely right when he writes that it matters even more what we do if we don’t have the luxury of faith in a pleasant reward. In that scenario, we only have one time to get “it” right and whatever we do would have lasting implications on future generations. I suppose if you have no conscience, that doesn’t matter but most of us do. And yes, perhaps I do seek “inner peace,” but easy answers and fairytales don’t provide them.
AG: Yeah, funerals are for the living in most cases, unless you’re former EFB’s egomaniacal Dad. His funeral was very much for himself. I guess if it helps those I leave behind to mourn me in a building with music and flowers and endless religious platitudes so be it, but like you I don’t really care what happens next. I do care about how my body is disposed of, however. I choose cremation, which many Christians frown upon because they believe the body must be intact for when Christ rides down on Pegasus and reanimates corpses and, hopefully, brings lots of Lysol. I guess God can’t reanimate ashes; there they go again, putting the all-powerful God in a box.
Madge: You are absotively correct. My gripe is with my life itself. I do feel that I came close to having lived but I backed away and wound up in some sort of cocoon. Whether or not I have touched anyone deeply, I suppose I have had a definite impact on lives. I know I’ve touched people on Blogger that’s why you guys are special to me and why I tagged you in the Facebook note. The rest of those fair-weather fuckheads will come and go like the fad-chasers they are. You guys are my core and I love every single one of you for it, even those of you who read but no longer comment. Being over 35 doesn’t matter to me, it’s just that I never thought I’d live as long as I have. As far as life being a gift, I would like my gift receipt!
My dearest Autumn: as usual, you hit the donkey on the nail with the head and tail thingee! It is the story that matters. As a writer, I find it to be true for me even more than it is for others. It’s not the peaceful death of the well-lived life that effects me, it’s the tragic ending of the guy everybody loved who died trying to mend fences with a stubborn, arrogant family. It’s the idea of me having made no significant impact on the world being snuffed out like a Roman candle. These are the tales that send me into such deep thoughts of despair. But I am touched that I have served as an inspiration to you. I don’t think anyone has ever said that to me before. I’m also glad to read that some of you find my sense of humor helpful in hard times. If nothing else, I strive for that. Making people think outside their comfort zones (Green is exempt from this ‘cause he’s all righteous with Gawd) is what I’ve considered to be my mission in life. It’s gratifying to know I’ve accomplished this on a relatively sizable scale. Trust me, not having to support anyone does not fill me with sadness LOL
Oh, and thanks for the womb offer. We’ll chat later. Love you, too.
Blanche: I almost posted this without your comment because it came through after I’d written this. I actually attended both the wake and the funeral. Catholics are huge into displaying dead bodies and talking around them so there he was all exposed for everyone to see. And like you said, it has stuck with me for days now. The tragedy of a guy I think I might have liked who seemed to be loved by so many is a powerful concept. I may well die a successful man, but the “good” part is debatable. I am so intensely flawed. And I am writing another book and have the sequel to the one that’s for sale coming out in the next few months, so there!
Okay, enough gooey praise.
I’ll respond to Green first, as he has been my most ardent commenter and loyal reader, especially over the past year as Facebook has taken my Blogger family away from me one by one:
I’m not afraid of death either, I’m afraid of a wasted life. I don’t scoff at your belief in a bright and sunny reward in the after-life, I simply don’t share it. I have my own beliefs about what happens once we’re no longer in our bodies and it isn’t based on a reward system of faith and devout observation. I disagree strongly with the idea that what happens after we die doesn’t matter if there’s nothing after. In fact, I think that’s insane. AG is absolutely right when he writes that it matters even more what we do if we don’t have the luxury of faith in a pleasant reward. In that scenario, we only have one time to get “it” right and whatever we do would have lasting implications on future generations. I suppose if you have no conscience, that doesn’t matter but most of us do. And yes, perhaps I do seek “inner peace,” but easy answers and fairytales don’t provide them.
AG: Yeah, funerals are for the living in most cases, unless you’re former EFB’s egomaniacal Dad. His funeral was very much for himself. I guess if it helps those I leave behind to mourn me in a building with music and flowers and endless religious platitudes so be it, but like you I don’t really care what happens next. I do care about how my body is disposed of, however. I choose cremation, which many Christians frown upon because they believe the body must be intact for when Christ rides down on Pegasus and reanimates corpses and, hopefully, brings lots of Lysol. I guess God can’t reanimate ashes; there they go again, putting the all-powerful God in a box.
Madge: You are absotively correct. My gripe is with my life itself. I do feel that I came close to having lived but I backed away and wound up in some sort of cocoon. Whether or not I have touched anyone deeply, I suppose I have had a definite impact on lives. I know I’ve touched people on Blogger that’s why you guys are special to me and why I tagged you in the Facebook note. The rest of those fair-weather fuckheads will come and go like the fad-chasers they are. You guys are my core and I love every single one of you for it, even those of you who read but no longer comment. Being over 35 doesn’t matter to me, it’s just that I never thought I’d live as long as I have. As far as life being a gift, I would like my gift receipt!
My dearest Autumn: as usual, you hit the donkey on the nail with the head and tail thingee! It is the story that matters. As a writer, I find it to be true for me even more than it is for others. It’s not the peaceful death of the well-lived life that effects me, it’s the tragic ending of the guy everybody loved who died trying to mend fences with a stubborn, arrogant family. It’s the idea of me having made no significant impact on the world being snuffed out like a Roman candle. These are the tales that send me into such deep thoughts of despair. But I am touched that I have served as an inspiration to you. I don’t think anyone has ever said that to me before. I’m also glad to read that some of you find my sense of humor helpful in hard times. If nothing else, I strive for that. Making people think outside their comfort zones (Green is exempt from this ‘cause he’s all righteous with Gawd) is what I’ve considered to be my mission in life. It’s gratifying to know I’ve accomplished this on a relatively sizable scale. Trust me, not having to support anyone does not fill me with sadness LOL
Oh, and thanks for the womb offer. We’ll chat later. Love you, too.
Blanche: I almost posted this without your comment because it came through after I’d written this. I actually attended both the wake and the funeral. Catholics are huge into displaying dead bodies and talking around them so there he was all exposed for everyone to see. And like you said, it has stuck with me for days now. The tragedy of a guy I think I might have liked who seemed to be loved by so many is a powerful concept. I may well die a successful man, but the “good” part is debatable. I am so intensely flawed. And I am writing another book and have the sequel to the one that’s for sale coming out in the next few months, so there!
Monday, October 19, 2009
THOUGHTS ON DEATH & DYING
I’ve had death on my mind quite a bit lately.
That’s a lie. I’ve always had death on my mind. Since I was an adolescent, I’ve always believed my life would be a short one. When both of my parents died relatively young (Dad at 47 from lung cancer, Mom at 54 from type I Diabetes) that feeling became even more prevalent.
Ironically, I never thought I’d make it past thirty-five. Now that I have, I think I’m living on borrowed time, each year a surprise. It’s okay, though. Some people aren’t cut out for this world and don’t do very well in it if they have to stick around past their welcome. But what will I leave behind when I’m gone?
A few swollen eyes? Some genuine sadness? What else? A few books bearing my name that may or may not become considered worthy of mention as the years wear on? Maybe that’s all I can hope for anyway.
I have no children to carry on my name and DNA. I may never have any. There are no foundations bearing my name and I’m not a well-known celebrity. I don’t believe in anything so people of faith won’t look at me as someone of deep, abiding belief that has gone on to a just reward. My family is small and getting smaller all the time and I have no siblings to recall funny stories about me when I was a kid. I have lived a life unseen and unnoticed and when I am gone I doubt there will be very many stories worth telling at my funeral.
That beings me to the funeral itself. What kind would I want? Truthfully, I would prefer not to have one at all. I’ve never considered them to be useful for the living and my ego isn’t over-developed enough to ensure that people cry when I’m gone. I don’t want people looking on in amazement because it looks nothing like me. It isn’t me. It is a suit I wore until whatever was inside could no longer remain there. I don’t want a holy man speaking about me because that would just be hypocritical.
But I can’t help wondering what people would say about me. Would they say I was funny or generous or talented or smart? Would people have a difficult time standing in front of an I’m sure small group of people and lying about what a wonderful person I was? I don’t know. Unlike former EFB’s dad, I’m not megalomaniacal enough to script my own funeral so that a horrible person cannot help but be mourned.
I don’t have much to leave behind, at least not at this point. Without children, I don’t have to worry about the futures of my progeny and that simplifies matters quite a bit. So, the only persons I need to worry about after I’m dead are those that mattered to me while I was alive. That brings me to my will.
I can’t help but smirk a bit as I write this because, honestly, what the hell do I have to leave anybody? My book and music collections? The comic books of my youth and more recent years? A car nobody could possibly want except for the scrap metal and spare parts opportunities? Oh, I know. My unfinished work! There’s a collector’s item. I can assure you there is no family member worthy of leaving my half of the house to. It’s going to be a very succinct will.
I suppose the same could be said of my life thus far. I won’t be presumptuous enough to make the blanket statement that I have had little to no effect on the lives of others. During my father’s funeral, a man whose life was less than exemplary and whose inability to form lasting relationships was legendary, so many people showed up that the priest apologized for not having enough room to accommodate them all.
We have no idea how many lives we touch and change while we’re here and we probably never will. Those of us that think nobody noticed them or took something they did to heart are deluded fools. So yes, there probably will be a few more people at my funeral than I think, assuming there is a funeral at all.
What’s causing such maudlin thoughts to run through my head and spill over onto this screen? I attended a funeral the other day of a man who died of cancer at the age of 49.
I never met him because he is related to former EFB’s mother and there has been a long-standing three-decade feud between she and her siblings. But from what I’ve heard, he would have been the one person in her entire family I genuinely liked. So, naturally he died before I got the chance.
Ironically, he was the one that tried for years to bring his family back together, facing constant ridicule and hostility for the effort. How ironic that his dying wish was to have them come see him one last time. Watching him breathe on his own when he shouldn’t have been able to and hearing his death rattle, lungs filled with fluid, I could tell he was a man with a strong life-force and love for life in general.
I am neither.
I hate life and I don’t much care for people and if I suddenly found out I was dying I would not have the strength to keep doing the things I did and to refuse oxygen when my time came. I would be angry about the suffering and bitter about my wasted time on Earth and would want nothing to do with anyone in my final days.
There would be no celebration of a life lived for Scribe. No packed church with weeping children and an entire town mourning my passing. Call me a fatalist if you must, but I am only being realistic. As we left the service and headed for the eating area, former EFB’s brother turned to me and said, “He’s got some really big shoes, doesn’t he?” Still choked up by the service, I nodded and looked away. If this was coming from a guy whose life could put him in those shoes, what the hell chance do I have of filling them?
Maybe that’s what my eulogy should say: “He did what he could when he thought about it, but most times he just existed.”
What else is there to say?
That’s a lie. I’ve always had death on my mind. Since I was an adolescent, I’ve always believed my life would be a short one. When both of my parents died relatively young (Dad at 47 from lung cancer, Mom at 54 from type I Diabetes) that feeling became even more prevalent.
Ironically, I never thought I’d make it past thirty-five. Now that I have, I think I’m living on borrowed time, each year a surprise. It’s okay, though. Some people aren’t cut out for this world and don’t do very well in it if they have to stick around past their welcome. But what will I leave behind when I’m gone?
A few swollen eyes? Some genuine sadness? What else? A few books bearing my name that may or may not become considered worthy of mention as the years wear on? Maybe that’s all I can hope for anyway.
I have no children to carry on my name and DNA. I may never have any. There are no foundations bearing my name and I’m not a well-known celebrity. I don’t believe in anything so people of faith won’t look at me as someone of deep, abiding belief that has gone on to a just reward. My family is small and getting smaller all the time and I have no siblings to recall funny stories about me when I was a kid. I have lived a life unseen and unnoticed and when I am gone I doubt there will be very many stories worth telling at my funeral.
That beings me to the funeral itself. What kind would I want? Truthfully, I would prefer not to have one at all. I’ve never considered them to be useful for the living and my ego isn’t over-developed enough to ensure that people cry when I’m gone. I don’t want people looking on in amazement because it looks nothing like me. It isn’t me. It is a suit I wore until whatever was inside could no longer remain there. I don’t want a holy man speaking about me because that would just be hypocritical.
But I can’t help wondering what people would say about me. Would they say I was funny or generous or talented or smart? Would people have a difficult time standing in front of an I’m sure small group of people and lying about what a wonderful person I was? I don’t know. Unlike former EFB’s dad, I’m not megalomaniacal enough to script my own funeral so that a horrible person cannot help but be mourned.
I don’t have much to leave behind, at least not at this point. Without children, I don’t have to worry about the futures of my progeny and that simplifies matters quite a bit. So, the only persons I need to worry about after I’m dead are those that mattered to me while I was alive. That brings me to my will.
I can’t help but smirk a bit as I write this because, honestly, what the hell do I have to leave anybody? My book and music collections? The comic books of my youth and more recent years? A car nobody could possibly want except for the scrap metal and spare parts opportunities? Oh, I know. My unfinished work! There’s a collector’s item. I can assure you there is no family member worthy of leaving my half of the house to. It’s going to be a very succinct will.
I suppose the same could be said of my life thus far. I won’t be presumptuous enough to make the blanket statement that I have had little to no effect on the lives of others. During my father’s funeral, a man whose life was less than exemplary and whose inability to form lasting relationships was legendary, so many people showed up that the priest apologized for not having enough room to accommodate them all.
We have no idea how many lives we touch and change while we’re here and we probably never will. Those of us that think nobody noticed them or took something they did to heart are deluded fools. So yes, there probably will be a few more people at my funeral than I think, assuming there is a funeral at all.
What’s causing such maudlin thoughts to run through my head and spill over onto this screen? I attended a funeral the other day of a man who died of cancer at the age of 49.
I never met him because he is related to former EFB’s mother and there has been a long-standing three-decade feud between she and her siblings. But from what I’ve heard, he would have been the one person in her entire family I genuinely liked. So, naturally he died before I got the chance.
Ironically, he was the one that tried for years to bring his family back together, facing constant ridicule and hostility for the effort. How ironic that his dying wish was to have them come see him one last time. Watching him breathe on his own when he shouldn’t have been able to and hearing his death rattle, lungs filled with fluid, I could tell he was a man with a strong life-force and love for life in general.
I am neither.
I hate life and I don’t much care for people and if I suddenly found out I was dying I would not have the strength to keep doing the things I did and to refuse oxygen when my time came. I would be angry about the suffering and bitter about my wasted time on Earth and would want nothing to do with anyone in my final days.
There would be no celebration of a life lived for Scribe. No packed church with weeping children and an entire town mourning my passing. Call me a fatalist if you must, but I am only being realistic. As we left the service and headed for the eating area, former EFB’s brother turned to me and said, “He’s got some really big shoes, doesn’t he?” Still choked up by the service, I nodded and looked away. If this was coming from a guy whose life could put him in those shoes, what the hell chance do I have of filling them?
Maybe that’s what my eulogy should say: “He did what he could when he thought about it, but most times he just existed.”
What else is there to say?
Monday, October 5, 2009
SOME RANDOM SCRIBE SHIT BEFORE THE NEXT BIG POST:
DUDE: Hiatus is over. After all that Dude falderal, I needed to take a blogging break. Besides, like some of you, I was a bit let down by no longer having old Dude to kick around anymore.
Still, that wasn’t the end of the story. There are snippets of further developments from the past couple weeks since she went home. For one thing, that fucking idiot actually misses her. Damn!And I thought I had a co-dependency issue! He actually MISSES the evil, manipulative genius that plotted against him and turned his family into enemies within less than a two-month period.
Dude is quite the study in social backwardness. Nobody likes him, he doesn’t seem to like anybody, yet he can’t stand to be alone for longer than a short time. He wants so badly to be with someone that he is capable of lamenting the loss of a horrible mistake. So much for all that “happy dance” shit.
As you may recall, there is a Canadian woman who expressed interest in his Dudeness while the evil Aussie was here. Somehow, magically, her interest has waned since he became available again. Apparently, she told him that, had he been stronger in dealing with the Aussie, she might not have started to “lose that lovin’ feeling.” First, does that sound like a reference a young chick would make? Second, even Dude wasn’t so obtuse as to not realize she might only be interested in the hunt.
However, he decided to put an update on his Facebook page saying how much he missed “someone.” The Aussie who is apparently still his Facebook Friend wrote back one of those, “Aww, miss you too,” etc replies. The Canuck wrote, “No, he’s talking about me. And you don’t look anything like your profile pic.”
(This one has promise)
ME: I wrote about this a while back but because nothing seems to be changing, I am writing it again. This has been one of the worst years of my life. My next post will provide more details. I can’t believe the same year my book is released is the year I rank as possibly number two in a long list of bad years. You’d think this would have been an automatic great one but alas, no.
Thus my Big Publication Moment has been a mixed blessing, a tiny pinpoint of light in a veil of darkness and, in many cases, the only thing keeping me going. Well, that and the positive reviews I’ve received both professionally and personally.
When I post how my year has gone this year, you will see what I mean.
NEWS STUFF: My former hero David Letterman is a cockhound. Why is he my former hero? Not because of his recently revealed lewd workplace conduct. In the Eighties, Dave was my TV god, the anti-Carson whose show was a study in pure anarchy. Enjoyment of his show got me through some pretty bad times as it always gave me something to look forward to. When he was fucked over in favor of Lantern Jaw Leno, I was the loudest protestor in underwear shaking a grilled cheese sammitch of rage at the TV. And in the beginning, when Dave went to CBS, he was still great. But somewhere along the way he fell from grace and began boring me to tears. He was still better than Leno, but so is an unwiped homeless man's ass.
If I'd known about his sexual proclivities, my opinion might have changed even sooner. How dare he sleep with women who work him...and not brag about it? What kinda pimp daddy does that? Fuck you, Dave! You bastard! I thought you were cool. You ain't bad! You ain't nothin'!
Well, that's the only newsstory worthy of me. When next I post, I'll tell y'allz about my run-in with John Law...(That's the legal system for those of us born after 1947)
Still, that wasn’t the end of the story. There are snippets of further developments from the past couple weeks since she went home. For one thing, that fucking idiot actually misses her. Damn!And I thought I had a co-dependency issue! He actually MISSES the evil, manipulative genius that plotted against him and turned his family into enemies within less than a two-month period.
Dude is quite the study in social backwardness. Nobody likes him, he doesn’t seem to like anybody, yet he can’t stand to be alone for longer than a short time. He wants so badly to be with someone that he is capable of lamenting the loss of a horrible mistake. So much for all that “happy dance” shit.
As you may recall, there is a Canadian woman who expressed interest in his Dudeness while the evil Aussie was here. Somehow, magically, her interest has waned since he became available again. Apparently, she told him that, had he been stronger in dealing with the Aussie, she might not have started to “lose that lovin’ feeling.” First, does that sound like a reference a young chick would make? Second, even Dude wasn’t so obtuse as to not realize she might only be interested in the hunt.
However, he decided to put an update on his Facebook page saying how much he missed “someone.” The Aussie who is apparently still his Facebook Friend wrote back one of those, “Aww, miss you too,” etc replies. The Canuck wrote, “No, he’s talking about me. And you don’t look anything like your profile pic.”
(This one has promise)
ME: I wrote about this a while back but because nothing seems to be changing, I am writing it again. This has been one of the worst years of my life. My next post will provide more details. I can’t believe the same year my book is released is the year I rank as possibly number two in a long list of bad years. You’d think this would have been an automatic great one but alas, no.
Thus my Big Publication Moment has been a mixed blessing, a tiny pinpoint of light in a veil of darkness and, in many cases, the only thing keeping me going. Well, that and the positive reviews I’ve received both professionally and personally.
When I post how my year has gone this year, you will see what I mean.
NEWS STUFF: My former hero David Letterman is a cockhound. Why is he my former hero? Not because of his recently revealed lewd workplace conduct. In the Eighties, Dave was my TV god, the anti-Carson whose show was a study in pure anarchy. Enjoyment of his show got me through some pretty bad times as it always gave me something to look forward to. When he was fucked over in favor of Lantern Jaw Leno, I was the loudest protestor in underwear shaking a grilled cheese sammitch of rage at the TV. And in the beginning, when Dave went to CBS, he was still great. But somewhere along the way he fell from grace and began boring me to tears. He was still better than Leno, but so is an unwiped homeless man's ass.
If I'd known about his sexual proclivities, my opinion might have changed even sooner. How dare he sleep with women who work him...and not brag about it? What kinda pimp daddy does that? Fuck you, Dave! You bastard! I thought you were cool. You ain't bad! You ain't nothin'!
Well, that's the only newsstory worthy of me. When next I post, I'll tell y'allz about my run-in with John Law...(That's the legal system for those of us born after 1947)
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
DUDE- The Final Update?
With the supposedly impending departure of the Aussie from Hell, Dude is quickly finding out who he can trust and who he can’t. As reported previously, the Aussie’s stunningly psychotic and inappropriate behavior resulted in an unexpected (for her) alienating of Dude’s mom who had till then been madly in love with her.
Like any real mom, she drew the line when this relative stranger started insulting her won because he didn’t want her to be included in his niece’s christening. I didn’t know what was said at the tem but now I know what he mom said to her.
“That’s my son you’re insulting,” she said.
“Well, he’s such a horrible person, mate!” she probably said while crying. “He keeps sayin’ g’day to me face like I’m some kinda wounded kangaroo!” (Or words to the effect)
“Well, what have you learned from this?” his mom said. “I need to know what you’ve learned from this experience. Is this something you’re going to keep doing or have you learned your lesson?”
Need I mention she was lecturing a woman who’s probably no more than ten years younger than her?
Most people would’ve taken that experience and said, “Yeah. What the hell is my problem? This guy’s an asshole and a loser. Why am I humiliating myself?”
But most people ain’t the Aussie. She simply switched over to Dude’s evil step-mom and spineless father. His step-mom, herself a psychopathic manipulatrix, has unconditional love for the shaved moose from Down Under. Apparently, whatever this bitch says goes so the dad loves her too…he left his much more attractive ex-wife for this bleach blond whore, so now you have an idea of the kind of guy he is.
Heartbroken over the Aussie’s impending departure, they decided to have a huge going-away meal for her. For some reason, Dude’s dumb (self) went too. This guy makes more elementary mistakes than any guy I’ve seen since I was in my early twenties. Who cares about keeping the peace? There’s no peace to be kept! This is a flat-out betrayal and needs to be dealt with accordingly.
Dude seems incapable of adaptation. He goes along to get along while at the same time alienating the fuck out of every other person he meets. He has an enormous chip on his shoulder and an unconvincing sense of entitlement but when he meets his match, which often happens, he becomes little more than a drone. That explains why he just sat at the dinner table and allowed himself to be ignored, disregarded and disrespected.
Keep in mind this is second hand testimony, but the way it was explained to me is as follows: His father and step-mom basically ignored him the entire night, fawning all over the Aussie as if she was the second coming of Paul Hogan. They went on and on about how much they’re going to miss her and how she better believe they were planning a trip to Australia. Dude’s step-mom went on and on about her own children who are successful and made snide comments about not practicing safe *** in a rather blatant reference to Dude’s single mom sister…IN FRONT OF HIS DAD, WHO SAID NOTHING!
Dude also said nothing. He resents the fact that they throw their “opulent” lifestyle in his face while knowing he’s hurting. Why should that matter right now? What should matter right now is the fact that an insane woman has turned members of his own family against him in less than two months! Oh, you forgot that part, didn’t you? She just got here at the end of July!
Are his familial relationships so precarious and fragile that they can be disrupted and destroyed so easily? This can only mean one of two things: Either his family is comprised of the stupidest people who ever lived, or they really don’t care for Dude very much. I can understand that; he’s not a likable guy at all and even when one starts thinking he might not be so bad, he does or says something to remind us what an asshole he is. But for your immediate family to choose a stranger about whom they know nothing over you is about as bas as it gets. That kind of behavior is only excusable to me if the family member is a murderer, thief, child molster, or prosecuting attorney.
On top of that, she got into his Facebook page and went to work on all the high school friends with whom he’d recently reconnected. Dude wouldn’t specify for EFB what she wrote but she said he blushed a lot and said it was so horrible he actually had to cancel his account! So now the people he knew twenty years ago think he’s the worst person since Genghis Khan and his family is divided as far as its loyalties go.
On the plus side, however, she did find a job for him to pursue and pushed him to start being more realistic about his choice of career. He seemed to be the last person in Michigan to realize that real estate is not the market to be in right now. Still, I don’t think cleaning, cooking and job seeking is enough to wipe out lying, scheming and betrayal.
Naturally I had to know what happened Tuesday. I texted dude at about 12:30p.m. and asked if this was the big day. He texted back that he was at the airport doing a happy dance and would talk to me later. Her flight departed at 3:30 and he already had her there!
I guess she kept saying, “Be nice” over and over as they bid each other farewell. Dude replied, “I’m bein’ nice.” Whatever. I would’ve actually strapped her ass to a wheelchair so I could just push her through the metal detectors on her way to the terminal.
As an added bonus, Dude plans to stay in contact with her, presumably to make sure she isn’t with child. He’s also going to ship back the huge amount of stuff she brought with her, including her PC. It would’ve cost her $2000.00 to have it sent back on her own.
Finally, after almost two months of torturous hell, Dude is free of his online nightmare hook-up. Finally he is free to learn his lesson and move on with his life. Finally, he can go meet this new chick he met online who’s really, really hot and he knows she is because she sent pictures…like…the Aussie. Well, this time it’ll work out because…well, because it will!
Don’t you people believe in true love!?
The story continues…
Like any real mom, she drew the line when this relative stranger started insulting her won because he didn’t want her to be included in his niece’s christening. I didn’t know what was said at the tem but now I know what he mom said to her.
“That’s my son you’re insulting,” she said.
“Well, he’s such a horrible person, mate!” she probably said while crying. “He keeps sayin’ g’day to me face like I’m some kinda wounded kangaroo!” (Or words to the effect)
“Well, what have you learned from this?” his mom said. “I need to know what you’ve learned from this experience. Is this something you’re going to keep doing or have you learned your lesson?”
Need I mention she was lecturing a woman who’s probably no more than ten years younger than her?
Most people would’ve taken that experience and said, “Yeah. What the hell is my problem? This guy’s an asshole and a loser. Why am I humiliating myself?”
But most people ain’t the Aussie. She simply switched over to Dude’s evil step-mom and spineless father. His step-mom, herself a psychopathic manipulatrix, has unconditional love for the shaved moose from Down Under. Apparently, whatever this bitch says goes so the dad loves her too…he left his much more attractive ex-wife for this bleach blond whore, so now you have an idea of the kind of guy he is.
Heartbroken over the Aussie’s impending departure, they decided to have a huge going-away meal for her. For some reason, Dude’s dumb (self) went too. This guy makes more elementary mistakes than any guy I’ve seen since I was in my early twenties. Who cares about keeping the peace? There’s no peace to be kept! This is a flat-out betrayal and needs to be dealt with accordingly.
Dude seems incapable of adaptation. He goes along to get along while at the same time alienating the fuck out of every other person he meets. He has an enormous chip on his shoulder and an unconvincing sense of entitlement but when he meets his match, which often happens, he becomes little more than a drone. That explains why he just sat at the dinner table and allowed himself to be ignored, disregarded and disrespected.
Keep in mind this is second hand testimony, but the way it was explained to me is as follows: His father and step-mom basically ignored him the entire night, fawning all over the Aussie as if she was the second coming of Paul Hogan. They went on and on about how much they’re going to miss her and how she better believe they were planning a trip to Australia. Dude’s step-mom went on and on about her own children who are successful and made snide comments about not practicing safe *** in a rather blatant reference to Dude’s single mom sister…IN FRONT OF HIS DAD, WHO SAID NOTHING!
Dude also said nothing. He resents the fact that they throw their “opulent” lifestyle in his face while knowing he’s hurting. Why should that matter right now? What should matter right now is the fact that an insane woman has turned members of his own family against him in less than two months! Oh, you forgot that part, didn’t you? She just got here at the end of July!
Are his familial relationships so precarious and fragile that they can be disrupted and destroyed so easily? This can only mean one of two things: Either his family is comprised of the stupidest people who ever lived, or they really don’t care for Dude very much. I can understand that; he’s not a likable guy at all and even when one starts thinking he might not be so bad, he does or says something to remind us what an asshole he is. But for your immediate family to choose a stranger about whom they know nothing over you is about as bas as it gets. That kind of behavior is only excusable to me if the family member is a murderer, thief, child molster, or prosecuting attorney.
On top of that, she got into his Facebook page and went to work on all the high school friends with whom he’d recently reconnected. Dude wouldn’t specify for EFB what she wrote but she said he blushed a lot and said it was so horrible he actually had to cancel his account! So now the people he knew twenty years ago think he’s the worst person since Genghis Khan and his family is divided as far as its loyalties go.
On the plus side, however, she did find a job for him to pursue and pushed him to start being more realistic about his choice of career. He seemed to be the last person in Michigan to realize that real estate is not the market to be in right now. Still, I don’t think cleaning, cooking and job seeking is enough to wipe out lying, scheming and betrayal.
Naturally I had to know what happened Tuesday. I texted dude at about 12:30p.m. and asked if this was the big day. He texted back that he was at the airport doing a happy dance and would talk to me later. Her flight departed at 3:30 and he already had her there!
I guess she kept saying, “Be nice” over and over as they bid each other farewell. Dude replied, “I’m bein’ nice.” Whatever. I would’ve actually strapped her ass to a wheelchair so I could just push her through the metal detectors on her way to the terminal.
As an added bonus, Dude plans to stay in contact with her, presumably to make sure she isn’t with child. He’s also going to ship back the huge amount of stuff she brought with her, including her PC. It would’ve cost her $2000.00 to have it sent back on her own.
Finally, after almost two months of torturous hell, Dude is free of his online nightmare hook-up. Finally he is free to learn his lesson and move on with his life. Finally, he can go meet this new chick he met online who’s really, really hot and he knows she is because she sent pictures…like…the Aussie. Well, this time it’ll work out because…well, because it will!
Don’t you people believe in true love!?
The story continues…
Sunday, September 20, 2009
THE BEST DUDE UPDATE YET!!!
Here’s how things stand now: Dude’s Aussie love muffin has been busily turning the female members of his family against him by pouring on the charm with equal parts sympathy and domesticity. Furious, Dude decided to shut down emotionally for a while and just let her be as long as she was out of his hair. Big mistake.
The Aussie successfully got his mom, sister and even hated step-mom to put pressure on him to make things work despite his revulsion at her physical appearance and anger over how she misrepresented herself. His dad, not being in possession of the sturdiest spine in history, eventually caved as well.
Outnumbered and outgunned, Dude turned to his “good buddy” Scribe for advice. But Scribe wasn’t interested in talking for a few days and nearly missed out on all the juice. When I finally returned his call, I heard things that actually shocked me.
Dude basically told his family that is they loved her so much they could take her off his hands. As I wrote previously, she refused to return to Australia early because of the expense involved and Dude has no money with which to call her bluff. Besides, she showed no real interest in leaving. This is gumming up the works of Dude’s roommate ad idea because she is squatting in his guest room and Dude is trying to wade through Hurricane Kangaroo so he can go meet his true love, the hottie in Canada he has never met. He sent me pictures. If that is her, I can see why he is so anxious, but considering what happened with this one…well, you get the idea.
When I spoke to Dude on the phone, he told me something I hadn’t anticipated. The Aussie had come to him and told him she’d missed her period and was concerned and frightened. She then let him know she’d told his step-mom about it.
“What the hell were you thinking?” he yelled. “You know I hate that woman!”
“It was just us girls and I needed to tell someone,” she replied.
Dude’s an idiot, by the way, in case you didn’t know. The fact that there are still guys out there that don’t know this is a typical manipulative female tactic is pathetic. She told the step-mom to garner sympathy and further support while sowing the seeds of a grapevine to achieve further backing from his family. Guys like dude still think women are these delicate little things with barely a brain in their heads that couldn’t possibly conspire against them. Dumb ass!!
I asked him how possible he thought this was considering she’s 46 (she looks 56) and he didn’t think it was likely but was scared anyway. He also reminded me of the fact that she has two daughters back home she claims her ex-husband molested even though they chose to stay with him. They are 17-year-old twins and one of them apparently has the mind of a five-year old. Dude happened upon her cell phone one day and saw the following text message string involving the other daughter:
Mom: But (daughter) I love you.
DAUGHTER: Mum, you know what you did and you know what you’re doing.
This is the point where in the movie the foreboding music cues up and the dizzying camerawork starts. If you’ve ever seen the movie “The Step-father” you might understand what it is about her that’s so creepy. Puzzle pieces are starting to fit now. She’s a psychopath and a con artist and Lord knows what else!
The most disturbing part of all this has been Dude’s family’s apparent inability to see through her. I don’t wanna toot my own horn let alone EFB’s, but we could see she was full of it the one and only night we met her. I told Dude I could see the anger in her and he was surprised. “Funny you mention that,” he said. “She’s an extremely negative person. I didn’t think anybody saw it.”
That’s because he’s surrounded by morons! All they see is that she’s cleaned the house some of them once wouldn’t step foot in and made him more domesticated.
I told him to relate it to his family like this…she is running bait & switch con. What she does is lie about basically everything but present the appearance of a lovable, helpful person who really wishes Dude would just open his mind and his heart.
Following that conversation, something even more disturbing occurred a few weeks later. Dude’s sister recently gave birth to a baby girl. At a Labor Day get-together, Dude said the Aussie kept playing with the baby with a glazed look in her eyes and ate tons of red meat. But when I asked him if he got her to take a pregnancy test, he brushed off my question as if it was no big deal. It’s difficult to feel sorry for a guy who panics one moment then acts like it’s noting the next.
However, the following week was his niece’s christening. A big day in a Catholic family, nobody in their right mind would try to throw a monkey wrench into something like that, right? You be the judge.
The Aussie insisted she waned to be part of the Christening and Dude insisted that she not be present for it. He went and bought a card and forbade her to buy any gifts. The Aussie called his mom and started telling her what a horrible person her son was and how she really wanted to go. This time Dude’s mom didn’t fall for the con. In fact, she grew furious and said, How dare you call on an important day like this and insult my son?” Yes, she actually said, "How dare you.”
The Aussie would not be dissuaded, She called Dude’s dad and turned on the waterworks. Picture this part of the movie:
EXTERIOR DUDE’S HOUSE: Dude exits his home, smiling as his mom pulls up. Her expression is strangely tense as he gets in.
CUT TO DUDE’S HOUSE: The Aussie emerges from the side door, carrying an armful of wrapped packages, also smiling as she heads down the driveway.
CLOSE-UP OF DUDE: Where does she think she’s goin’?
CUT TO SHOT OF DUDE’S STREET AS ANOTHER CAR PULLS UP BEHIND THEM: It is Dude’s dad who has come to pick up the Aussie so she can attend the Christening after all!
Do I even need to describe the tension at the Christening as the Aussie literally dumped all the gifts onto Dude’s sister’s lap as he stood there with only a greeting card in hand?
So now the mom is furious, the dad isn’t too happy, and only the evil stepmother still likes her. The other day Dude supposedly purchased some tickets from Expedia.com and the Aussie expressed her desire to return home.
We shall see if she leaves on the 22nd of September.
Stay tuned, vultures. The Greatest Story Ever Bowled might be coming to a head!
The Aussie successfully got his mom, sister and even hated step-mom to put pressure on him to make things work despite his revulsion at her physical appearance and anger over how she misrepresented herself. His dad, not being in possession of the sturdiest spine in history, eventually caved as well.
Outnumbered and outgunned, Dude turned to his “good buddy” Scribe for advice. But Scribe wasn’t interested in talking for a few days and nearly missed out on all the juice. When I finally returned his call, I heard things that actually shocked me.
Dude basically told his family that is they loved her so much they could take her off his hands. As I wrote previously, she refused to return to Australia early because of the expense involved and Dude has no money with which to call her bluff. Besides, she showed no real interest in leaving. This is gumming up the works of Dude’s roommate ad idea because she is squatting in his guest room and Dude is trying to wade through Hurricane Kangaroo so he can go meet his true love, the hottie in Canada he has never met. He sent me pictures. If that is her, I can see why he is so anxious, but considering what happened with this one…well, you get the idea.
When I spoke to Dude on the phone, he told me something I hadn’t anticipated. The Aussie had come to him and told him she’d missed her period and was concerned and frightened. She then let him know she’d told his step-mom about it.
“What the hell were you thinking?” he yelled. “You know I hate that woman!”
“It was just us girls and I needed to tell someone,” she replied.
Dude’s an idiot, by the way, in case you didn’t know. The fact that there are still guys out there that don’t know this is a typical manipulative female tactic is pathetic. She told the step-mom to garner sympathy and further support while sowing the seeds of a grapevine to achieve further backing from his family. Guys like dude still think women are these delicate little things with barely a brain in their heads that couldn’t possibly conspire against them. Dumb ass!!
I asked him how possible he thought this was considering she’s 46 (she looks 56) and he didn’t think it was likely but was scared anyway. He also reminded me of the fact that she has two daughters back home she claims her ex-husband molested even though they chose to stay with him. They are 17-year-old twins and one of them apparently has the mind of a five-year old. Dude happened upon her cell phone one day and saw the following text message string involving the other daughter:
Mom: But (daughter) I love you.
DAUGHTER: Mum, you know what you did and you know what you’re doing.
This is the point where in the movie the foreboding music cues up and the dizzying camerawork starts. If you’ve ever seen the movie “The Step-father” you might understand what it is about her that’s so creepy. Puzzle pieces are starting to fit now. She’s a psychopath and a con artist and Lord knows what else!
The most disturbing part of all this has been Dude’s family’s apparent inability to see through her. I don’t wanna toot my own horn let alone EFB’s, but we could see she was full of it the one and only night we met her. I told Dude I could see the anger in her and he was surprised. “Funny you mention that,” he said. “She’s an extremely negative person. I didn’t think anybody saw it.”
That’s because he’s surrounded by morons! All they see is that she’s cleaned the house some of them once wouldn’t step foot in and made him more domesticated.
I told him to relate it to his family like this…she is running bait & switch con. What she does is lie about basically everything but present the appearance of a lovable, helpful person who really wishes Dude would just open his mind and his heart.
Following that conversation, something even more disturbing occurred a few weeks later. Dude’s sister recently gave birth to a baby girl. At a Labor Day get-together, Dude said the Aussie kept playing with the baby with a glazed look in her eyes and ate tons of red meat. But when I asked him if he got her to take a pregnancy test, he brushed off my question as if it was no big deal. It’s difficult to feel sorry for a guy who panics one moment then acts like it’s noting the next.
However, the following week was his niece’s christening. A big day in a Catholic family, nobody in their right mind would try to throw a monkey wrench into something like that, right? You be the judge.
The Aussie insisted she waned to be part of the Christening and Dude insisted that she not be present for it. He went and bought a card and forbade her to buy any gifts. The Aussie called his mom and started telling her what a horrible person her son was and how she really wanted to go. This time Dude’s mom didn’t fall for the con. In fact, she grew furious and said, How dare you call on an important day like this and insult my son?” Yes, she actually said, "How dare you.”
The Aussie would not be dissuaded, She called Dude’s dad and turned on the waterworks. Picture this part of the movie:
EXTERIOR DUDE’S HOUSE: Dude exits his home, smiling as his mom pulls up. Her expression is strangely tense as he gets in.
CUT TO DUDE’S HOUSE: The Aussie emerges from the side door, carrying an armful of wrapped packages, also smiling as she heads down the driveway.
CLOSE-UP OF DUDE: Where does she think she’s goin’?
CUT TO SHOT OF DUDE’S STREET AS ANOTHER CAR PULLS UP BEHIND THEM: It is Dude’s dad who has come to pick up the Aussie so she can attend the Christening after all!
Do I even need to describe the tension at the Christening as the Aussie literally dumped all the gifts onto Dude’s sister’s lap as he stood there with only a greeting card in hand?
So now the mom is furious, the dad isn’t too happy, and only the evil stepmother still likes her. The other day Dude supposedly purchased some tickets from Expedia.com and the Aussie expressed her desire to return home.
We shall see if she leaves on the 22nd of September.
Stay tuned, vultures. The Greatest Story Ever Bowled might be coming to a head!
Monday, September 7, 2009
SCRIBE IN REVIEW:
This should come as zero surprise, but Dude drank a giant bottle of Hater-ade the other day.
For those who are unaware, the first professional review of my novel, “Dreamers at Infinity’s Core” came out and it was favorable. (http://www.sfrevu.com/php/Review-id.php?id=9524)
This literally could not have come at a better time in my life. Having been beyond depressed for months, being validated by a review in my field was equivalent to being lifted up by unseen forces before I fell off a cliff. “Great success!” as Borat might say.
Did I provide a link? I can’t remember. Just in case, here it is again (http://www.sfrevu.com/php/Review-id.php?id=9524)
I’ll wait until you’ve finished reading it. (Whistling)
Good stuff, huh? The Scribe would have masturbated to it, but there weren’t enough pictures to jumpstart my imagination. Feeling good about myself is a rare experience that usually involves midgets and a giant vat of Wesson Oil, but this was purer, somehow. Naturally, I shared it with everyone I could think of.
The first thing I done was post a note on Facebook so I could tag as many of my friends as possible. Sadly, my goal fell sort due to Facebook’s baffling limitations but I still contacted quite a few people. People from my personal life were contacted via text message and whomever I didn’t get to was contacted by EFB. Congratulatory messages came in one after the other, with one exception. Apparently, some foreigner named Alfonse Packer who may or may not be me bitterly wrote, “Well, look who is big dammit deal. You not boss of Alfonse!”
I thanked him (me) for keeping me (him?) humble.
EFB showed some of my former co-workers the review before she left work for the night. Dude was one of them. He said nothing at first. Others were glad for me. Dude just kept working. He’s a dedicated little soldier, he is.
I called EFB and told her I wanted to celebrate at a nearby bar, where I could imbibe Blue Moon beer, the best got-DAMN beer ever made by the angels in Heaven and their underage love slaves! She agreed and mentioned it to Dude while he was still diligently working on single-handedly restructuring the department he constantly criticizes. Without looking up, he said, “Huh? Celebrate? Why?”
“Um, the BOOK REVIEW?" she said. “Didn’t you get the link I emailed to you?”
Still not looking up, still working hard, dude said, “Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah…I read it...that review thing.”
“Yeah, that fucking chestnut!” she yelled.
He looked at her as if she was insane, still pretending to work. Later that night, Dude expressed a seemingly reluctant happiness for me and a willingness that it all works out. It must have taken one hell of a toll on his ego to do that.
You see, Dude wants to be a writer…and a doctor, fireman and Indian chief. He has attended school in Spain, a prestigious university for people interested in the aeronautics field in the States and spent years as a scuba instructor. But like so many guys I’ve met, deep down he’s always wanted to write a book because he knows none of those other things have any lasting power in the human consciousness. For those of us without kids, a legacy must often be created through art.
Unfortunately for him, but probably fortunately for the two or three readers left in America, he has never sat down and put pen to paper. That hasn’t stopped him from doing the other thing guys like him tend to do…talk as if they are working on a novel. It’s all over his online accounts because he thinks it impresses women.
Memo to dude: It only impresses women when they get to see prime examples of said writing and you eventually wind up with a novel that receives a positive review.
Take Scribe, for instance. Right now every woman reading this is trying to figure out how to get their panties to him for brief sniff inspections. Such is the life of he that toils and creates.
Remember, I thanked Alfonse for keeping me humble, so I performed my humility for the month. Simply put, I’m the shit and cain’t nobody take that away from me except that old bearded white guy in the sky…but until the guy who played Grizzly Addams takes notice of me, I’m safe so fuck it!!!!
And fuck Dude, too, that candy-ass bitch-boy sack of go-nowhere-in-a-hurry monkey shit!
Oh, I think I forgot the link to the review. How silly of me!
(http://www.sfrevu.com/php/Review-id.php?id=9524)
For those who are unaware, the first professional review of my novel, “Dreamers at Infinity’s Core” came out and it was favorable. (http://www.sfrevu.com/php/Review-id.php?id=9524)
This literally could not have come at a better time in my life. Having been beyond depressed for months, being validated by a review in my field was equivalent to being lifted up by unseen forces before I fell off a cliff. “Great success!” as Borat might say.
Did I provide a link? I can’t remember. Just in case, here it is again (http://www.sfrevu.com/php/Review-id.php?id=9524)
I’ll wait until you’ve finished reading it. (Whistling)
Good stuff, huh? The Scribe would have masturbated to it, but there weren’t enough pictures to jumpstart my imagination. Feeling good about myself is a rare experience that usually involves midgets and a giant vat of Wesson Oil, but this was purer, somehow. Naturally, I shared it with everyone I could think of.
The first thing I done was post a note on Facebook so I could tag as many of my friends as possible. Sadly, my goal fell sort due to Facebook’s baffling limitations but I still contacted quite a few people. People from my personal life were contacted via text message and whomever I didn’t get to was contacted by EFB. Congratulatory messages came in one after the other, with one exception. Apparently, some foreigner named Alfonse Packer who may or may not be me bitterly wrote, “Well, look who is big dammit deal. You not boss of Alfonse!”
I thanked him (me) for keeping me (him?) humble.
EFB showed some of my former co-workers the review before she left work for the night. Dude was one of them. He said nothing at first. Others were glad for me. Dude just kept working. He’s a dedicated little soldier, he is.
I called EFB and told her I wanted to celebrate at a nearby bar, where I could imbibe Blue Moon beer, the best got-DAMN beer ever made by the angels in Heaven and their underage love slaves! She agreed and mentioned it to Dude while he was still diligently working on single-handedly restructuring the department he constantly criticizes. Without looking up, he said, “Huh? Celebrate? Why?”
“Um, the BOOK REVIEW?" she said. “Didn’t you get the link I emailed to you?”
Still not looking up, still working hard, dude said, “Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah…I read it...that review thing.”
“Yeah, that fucking chestnut!” she yelled.
He looked at her as if she was insane, still pretending to work. Later that night, Dude expressed a seemingly reluctant happiness for me and a willingness that it all works out. It must have taken one hell of a toll on his ego to do that.
You see, Dude wants to be a writer…and a doctor, fireman and Indian chief. He has attended school in Spain, a prestigious university for people interested in the aeronautics field in the States and spent years as a scuba instructor. But like so many guys I’ve met, deep down he’s always wanted to write a book because he knows none of those other things have any lasting power in the human consciousness. For those of us without kids, a legacy must often be created through art.
Unfortunately for him, but probably fortunately for the two or three readers left in America, he has never sat down and put pen to paper. That hasn’t stopped him from doing the other thing guys like him tend to do…talk as if they are working on a novel. It’s all over his online accounts because he thinks it impresses women.
Memo to dude: It only impresses women when they get to see prime examples of said writing and you eventually wind up with a novel that receives a positive review.
Take Scribe, for instance. Right now every woman reading this is trying to figure out how to get their panties to him for brief sniff inspections. Such is the life of he that toils and creates.
Remember, I thanked Alfonse for keeping me humble, so I performed my humility for the month. Simply put, I’m the shit and cain’t nobody take that away from me except that old bearded white guy in the sky…but until the guy who played Grizzly Addams takes notice of me, I’m safe so fuck it!!!!
And fuck Dude, too, that candy-ass bitch-boy sack of go-nowhere-in-a-hurry monkey shit!
Oh, I think I forgot the link to the review. How silly of me!
(http://www.sfrevu.com/php/Review-id.php?id=9524)
P.S.
Remember my so-called "friend" Ed who sold me out three eyars ago over his fascination with EFB's tits and eventual romantic feelings he thinks nobody can see? He never acknowledged the text message I sent him about the review but was Julio on the Spot when I told him EFB couldn't make it to the plans they'd made last week. Fuck him. More on that later.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
THE WAR CONTINUES...
Some of you might have run across my posts regarding my email wars with EFB’s mindlessly conservative brother, not to be confused with the “freethinking” Libertarian. A few weeks ago EFB posted this little provocative newslink with the following comment:
Gee...something I said Georgie was doing all along. Remember?
Former Bush aide says politics colored US 'terror alert' -
Yahoo! News
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090820/pl_afp/usattackspoliticsridge
Unsurprisingly, her brother responded with typical Republican obfuscation:
Just like Clinton did when he bombed an aspirin factory that provided
pain relief for poor people in Africa and killing innocent people to
refocus the attention from his adulteration between him and Monica?
In 6 months your "progressive" party have blown trillion$ of dollars
with botched programs and turning us into a Socialist nation and THIS is
all you got???
Petty stuff! Petty stuff!
To which the sexiest Scribe you’ve never met replied:
There's nothing "petty" about discussing what previous administrations
hid from the American people. And regardless of current events, this is
a pretty big deal. Any president who would manipulate the "terror
levels" to influence votes is not only committing treason and fraud, he
is also a dictator. We already discussed Clinton 's failings when W took
over so I fail to see why we need to return to 2000...unless, of course,
Republicans are immune to criticism because they haven't been branded
"liberal."
So in six months we have become socialist? Damn! I always knew
capitalism was weak and doomed to eventual failure like all systems that
came before it, but I had no idea it was so easily toppled! Where's my
free stuff?
Look, whether you agree or disagree with the current policies and
programs, the simple fact is that I don't see you protesting this type
of wasteful spending:
http://www.ifamericansknew.org/stats/cost_of_israel.html
Republicans have added nothing to the national discussion except, "I
don't like it! I won't vote for it! Not in a box, not with a fox, etc."
We already know the economy doesn't magically auto-adjust because
capitalism, like socialism, depends too heavily on the significantly
absent goodwill of humankind.
EFB,
Why does your family think you're a Democrat when everybody else knows
you're a conservative? LOL Is it just that not agreeing with everything
makes you one? With that logic, (your other brother) is a liberal too because he doesn't
go along with the Republican party line...
Her brother wrote back:
EFB is NOT a conservative. She may be a right leaning
Liberal but NOT a Conservative. The New York Times (Read "Bias" by
Bernard Goldman) believes it is middle of the road too only because in
New York everyone else is an extreme Liberal and they have the same
views which in there minds is " Main St. America " (but we know better)
so, yes, to EFB's friends she may look Conservative but she is
definitely not! Just the same, Bush was not a Conservative. He was
middle of the road and not even fiscally Conservative and trying to
please both sides and was his biggest downfall.
Republicans are not immune to criticism and over the last 60
years have taken the brunt of abuse from all the Liberal media quite
well. Like Sara Palin's family and Bush has his picture manipulated to
look like Satan, The Joker, Hitler, etc. and no big deal is made but
when it happened to Obama (poster of the joker) the Liberals came
unglued and said how mean spirited the Cons. were and that it was
"dangerous" to the country and bla, bla bla. All fair game until it
happened to them then free speech goes out the window.
Capitalism is only as strong as its people's desires to keep it that way
but, when you have the media in bed with the president painting pretty
pictures to an ignorant public it doesn't take much to sway public
opinion and start "CHANG"ING a system. It worked for Hitler, Stalin and
the rest. A woman I met in Russia said, "A tornado would come into
town and level it but Pravda would report that every thing is fine".
(He loves to bring up Russia because he traveled there to adopt his children) Still, unimpressed, I replied:
The New York Times believes no such thing. Their major conceit is not
considering the expanse of land between the East and West Coasts of any
real importance. Lumping the entire state into a liberal category is
absurd considering how conservative it is everywhere except Manhattan
and Long Island. I've been there. Bernard Goldman is hardly a credible
source as he is a non-objective conservative agitator with an ax to
grind. This reminds me of that time you posted the Rush Limbaugh claim
that a "liberal" journalist was decrying the Democratic party and it
turned out to be well-known Mormon Libertarian science fiction writer
Orson Scott Card.
Republicans do tend to see themselves as immune to criticism and have
not at all dealt with the so-called "liberal media" (owned mostly by
conservatives who censor stories that make sponsors look bad, by the
way) well at all. On the contrary, the rise of right-wing talk radio has
squandered the opportunity to prevent reasonable, dissenting viewpoints
and have descended into hostile, meaningless claptrap.
And I don't know what media outlets you view or listen to, but I
remember a huge furor over those Bush as Alfred E Neuman pics. Not to
mention the Hitler comments that some idiots were making on the Left.
The difference was people actually waited a while before creating these
parodies...Obama hadn't been in office very long before that talk
started. Let's face it: Neither side truly believes in free speech when
it involves comments they don't like. It's just human nature. Everybody
can talk the big game when they're not offended, but soon as a sacred
cow is milked the fighting begins. For the record, Bush does look like
Neuman and Obama does look like the Joker LOL
I agree that Capitalism is only as strong as the desire to keep it that
way but it must be pretty weak to have already been supplanted by
socialism in half a year. The media was in bed with Bush for four years,
too, and it took outsiders to start exposing all the crooked things he
was doing.
Invoking Hitler's name in an online debate instantly ends credibility,
by the way:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin's_law
But it is funny when it happens...
A couple things you wrote I had to reread because I thought they were
typos. The media is reporting the country is divided on Obama's
policies, it's on Yahoo's homepage every day. And Obama hasn't stopped
trying to be bipartisan, which is what has angered far leftists about
him as they realize he's not the liberal they thought he was. But you
write that as if it would be a bad thing, which is odd considering his
predecessor had little to no interest in bipartisanship once his agenda
got rolling.
But I think it's my chain you're pulling. There's no way you actually
think EFB is a liberal. We don't speak for each other but living with
her as long as I have, I know she's a conservative who doesn't blindly
vote for her party. We can't even discuss social movements without her
looking at it from a business standpoint. That ain't a liberal...
The rest of this exchange actually ended relatively well, descending into a bit of self-parody as we hurled “is not” are too” comments at each other.
Gee...something I said Georgie was doing all along. Remember?
Former Bush aide says politics colored US 'terror alert' -
Yahoo! News
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090820/pl_afp/usattackspoliticsridge
Unsurprisingly, her brother responded with typical Republican obfuscation:
Just like Clinton did when he bombed an aspirin factory that provided
pain relief for poor people in Africa and killing innocent people to
refocus the attention from his adulteration between him and Monica?
In 6 months your "progressive" party have blown trillion$ of dollars
with botched programs and turning us into a Socialist nation and THIS is
all you got???
Petty stuff! Petty stuff!
To which the sexiest Scribe you’ve never met replied:
There's nothing "petty" about discussing what previous administrations
hid from the American people. And regardless of current events, this is
a pretty big deal. Any president who would manipulate the "terror
levels" to influence votes is not only committing treason and fraud, he
is also a dictator. We already discussed Clinton 's failings when W took
over so I fail to see why we need to return to 2000...unless, of course,
Republicans are immune to criticism because they haven't been branded
"liberal."
So in six months we have become socialist? Damn! I always knew
capitalism was weak and doomed to eventual failure like all systems that
came before it, but I had no idea it was so easily toppled! Where's my
free stuff?
Look, whether you agree or disagree with the current policies and
programs, the simple fact is that I don't see you protesting this type
of wasteful spending:
http://www.ifamericansknew.org/stats/cost_of_israel.html
Republicans have added nothing to the national discussion except, "I
don't like it! I won't vote for it! Not in a box, not with a fox, etc."
We already know the economy doesn't magically auto-adjust because
capitalism, like socialism, depends too heavily on the significantly
absent goodwill of humankind.
EFB,
Why does your family think you're a Democrat when everybody else knows
you're a conservative? LOL Is it just that not agreeing with everything
makes you one? With that logic, (your other brother) is a liberal too because he doesn't
go along with the Republican party line...
Her brother wrote back:
EFB is NOT a conservative. She may be a right leaning
Liberal but NOT a Conservative. The New York Times (Read "Bias" by
Bernard Goldman) believes it is middle of the road too only because in
New York everyone else is an extreme Liberal and they have the same
views which in there minds is " Main St. America " (but we know better)
so, yes, to EFB's friends she may look Conservative but she is
definitely not! Just the same, Bush was not a Conservative. He was
middle of the road and not even fiscally Conservative and trying to
please both sides and was his biggest downfall.
Republicans are not immune to criticism and over the last 60
years have taken the brunt of abuse from all the Liberal media quite
well. Like Sara Palin's family and Bush has his picture manipulated to
look like Satan, The Joker, Hitler, etc. and no big deal is made but
when it happened to Obama (poster of the joker) the Liberals came
unglued and said how mean spirited the Cons. were and that it was
"dangerous" to the country and bla, bla bla. All fair game until it
happened to them then free speech goes out the window.
Capitalism is only as strong as its people's desires to keep it that way
but, when you have the media in bed with the president painting pretty
pictures to an ignorant public it doesn't take much to sway public
opinion and start "CHANG"ING a system. It worked for Hitler, Stalin and
the rest. A woman I met in Russia said, "A tornado would come into
town and level it but Pravda would report that every thing is fine".
(He loves to bring up Russia because he traveled there to adopt his children) Still, unimpressed, I replied:
The New York Times believes no such thing. Their major conceit is not
considering the expanse of land between the East and West Coasts of any
real importance. Lumping the entire state into a liberal category is
absurd considering how conservative it is everywhere except Manhattan
and Long Island. I've been there. Bernard Goldman is hardly a credible
source as he is a non-objective conservative agitator with an ax to
grind. This reminds me of that time you posted the Rush Limbaugh claim
that a "liberal" journalist was decrying the Democratic party and it
turned out to be well-known Mormon Libertarian science fiction writer
Orson Scott Card.
Republicans do tend to see themselves as immune to criticism and have
not at all dealt with the so-called "liberal media" (owned mostly by
conservatives who censor stories that make sponsors look bad, by the
way) well at all. On the contrary, the rise of right-wing talk radio has
squandered the opportunity to prevent reasonable, dissenting viewpoints
and have descended into hostile, meaningless claptrap.
And I don't know what media outlets you view or listen to, but I
remember a huge furor over those Bush as Alfred E Neuman pics. Not to
mention the Hitler comments that some idiots were making on the Left.
The difference was people actually waited a while before creating these
parodies...Obama hadn't been in office very long before that talk
started. Let's face it: Neither side truly believes in free speech when
it involves comments they don't like. It's just human nature. Everybody
can talk the big game when they're not offended, but soon as a sacred
cow is milked the fighting begins. For the record, Bush does look like
Neuman and Obama does look like the Joker LOL
I agree that Capitalism is only as strong as the desire to keep it that
way but it must be pretty weak to have already been supplanted by
socialism in half a year. The media was in bed with Bush for four years,
too, and it took outsiders to start exposing all the crooked things he
was doing.
Invoking Hitler's name in an online debate instantly ends credibility,
by the way:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin's_law
But it is funny when it happens...
A couple things you wrote I had to reread because I thought they were
typos. The media is reporting the country is divided on Obama's
policies, it's on Yahoo's homepage every day. And Obama hasn't stopped
trying to be bipartisan, which is what has angered far leftists about
him as they realize he's not the liberal they thought he was. But you
write that as if it would be a bad thing, which is odd considering his
predecessor had little to no interest in bipartisanship once his agenda
got rolling.
But I think it's my chain you're pulling. There's no way you actually
think EFB is a liberal. We don't speak for each other but living with
her as long as I have, I know she's a conservative who doesn't blindly
vote for her party. We can't even discuss social movements without her
looking at it from a business standpoint. That ain't a liberal...
The rest of this exchange actually ended relatively well, descending into a bit of self-parody as we hurled “is not” are too” comments at each other.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
TIRED...
I don’t know about the rest of ya’ll, but I am tired of being fucked with.
I am tired of reality being fluid. I am tired of constantly being encouraged and discouraged in the same breath. I am tired of waking up and wishing I knew why I didn’t just stay asleep.
It is tiring to walk through life, pretending I don’t see it for what it is. It is exhausting to deal with the constant lies that cannot be overcome. I am tired of caring so much and being ridiculed for it.
What am I talking about? If you have to ask…well, you should know the rest. But for those of you who get it or will get it, welcome to whatever this is.
2009 has been a year of revelations for me. One wake-up call after another has assailed me until I have had no choice except to stop, reflect and come to some rather uncomfortable conclusions that I will not share at this time.
The important thing is that I’ve come to realize some things do indeed happen for a reason, whether I like it or not. And contrary to what many say, it doesn’t really matter why. It might matter whether or not there’s a purpose behind the reason, but I really couldn’t give less of a fat fickle fuck. It all ends up in the same place.
I am tired. I look in the mirror and see a wasted life staring back at me with its hollow eyes and dead expression. Sometimes I try to tell myself it’s an imposter, some thing that decided to sneak in under cover of night and replace the real reflection that still had life in its eyes. If it were alive, my newer reflection would laugh its ass off at my desperation.
I am empty. There are only so many things in this life that matter and I have exhausted all but the ones that wouldn’t do anything for me even if I tried them. I can only write so much or read so much. Music is now lost to me, having become relegated to little more than background noise while I’m driving or writing. Movies are great but half the time I wind up watching films from my youth that cause me to lose it at least once before they’re over. Too many holes, not enough stuff to fill them. I won’t even mention sex because I’d have to dig too deeply into my memory banks.
I am burned out. This constant onslaught of mindless conformity is overwhelming. Having to constantly endure harsh criticism because I don’t fit in and never wanted to is taking its toll. Not having someone at your side to back you up when you start to doubt isn’t always necessary but it sure as hell helps when you’ve fallen as far as I have! I cannot continue to piss uphill against a typhoon and tell myself I’m making good progress.
And more than anything else, I’m tired of my life being at the mercy of fucking morons who spout party line and company rhetoric as if it’s the most meaningful motherfucking thing in the world. I’m tired of pseudo-intellectual pieces of shit rationalizing insanity and expecting me to nod my head like a good little drone and say, “Amen.” On that note I’m tired of antiquated religions dictating policy and I’m tired of partisan whores running everything into the ground. I’m sick to death of glassy-eyed soccer moms and their equally self-absorbed breadwinner husbands acting as if they’re the only ones that are relevant. I’m also tired of their (hood 'rat counterparts who think looking pissed off all the time and acting as ignorantly as possible will show everybody how much they don’t give a fuck. I’m tired of being alone in a crowd and I’m tired of crowds in general because they’ve come to symbolize human desperation. I’m fucking tired of TV telling me what to fear and who to trust and I’m tired of the Internets giving voice to people like me who just want somebody to hear them and tell them what they think and feel and have to say matters!!!
I’m sorry. I’m just really, really tired.
Don’t mind me~
I am tired of reality being fluid. I am tired of constantly being encouraged and discouraged in the same breath. I am tired of waking up and wishing I knew why I didn’t just stay asleep.
It is tiring to walk through life, pretending I don’t see it for what it is. It is exhausting to deal with the constant lies that cannot be overcome. I am tired of caring so much and being ridiculed for it.
What am I talking about? If you have to ask…well, you should know the rest. But for those of you who get it or will get it, welcome to whatever this is.
2009 has been a year of revelations for me. One wake-up call after another has assailed me until I have had no choice except to stop, reflect and come to some rather uncomfortable conclusions that I will not share at this time.
The important thing is that I’ve come to realize some things do indeed happen for a reason, whether I like it or not. And contrary to what many say, it doesn’t really matter why. It might matter whether or not there’s a purpose behind the reason, but I really couldn’t give less of a fat fickle fuck. It all ends up in the same place.
I am tired. I look in the mirror and see a wasted life staring back at me with its hollow eyes and dead expression. Sometimes I try to tell myself it’s an imposter, some thing that decided to sneak in under cover of night and replace the real reflection that still had life in its eyes. If it were alive, my newer reflection would laugh its ass off at my desperation.
I am empty. There are only so many things in this life that matter and I have exhausted all but the ones that wouldn’t do anything for me even if I tried them. I can only write so much or read so much. Music is now lost to me, having become relegated to little more than background noise while I’m driving or writing. Movies are great but half the time I wind up watching films from my youth that cause me to lose it at least once before they’re over. Too many holes, not enough stuff to fill them. I won’t even mention sex because I’d have to dig too deeply into my memory banks.
I am burned out. This constant onslaught of mindless conformity is overwhelming. Having to constantly endure harsh criticism because I don’t fit in and never wanted to is taking its toll. Not having someone at your side to back you up when you start to doubt isn’t always necessary but it sure as hell helps when you’ve fallen as far as I have! I cannot continue to piss uphill against a typhoon and tell myself I’m making good progress.
And more than anything else, I’m tired of my life being at the mercy of fucking morons who spout party line and company rhetoric as if it’s the most meaningful motherfucking thing in the world. I’m tired of pseudo-intellectual pieces of shit rationalizing insanity and expecting me to nod my head like a good little drone and say, “Amen.” On that note I’m tired of antiquated religions dictating policy and I’m tired of partisan whores running everything into the ground. I’m sick to death of glassy-eyed soccer moms and their equally self-absorbed breadwinner husbands acting as if they’re the only ones that are relevant. I’m also tired of their (hood 'rat counterparts who think looking pissed off all the time and acting as ignorantly as possible will show everybody how much they don’t give a fuck. I’m tired of being alone in a crowd and I’m tired of crowds in general because they’ve come to symbolize human desperation. I’m fucking tired of TV telling me what to fear and who to trust and I’m tired of the Internets giving voice to people like me who just want somebody to hear them and tell them what they think and feel and have to say matters!!!
I’m sorry. I’m just really, really tired.
Don’t mind me~
Friday, August 28, 2009
***DUDE UPDATE***
As I mentioned previously, I like to wait a while before posting Dude updates because that way I can compile all the information into one grand slam post. This time I am confident you’ll agree it was worth the wait:
Since the Aussie pig arrived, Dude has been bitter about the fact that his Internet dream girl turned out to be an old-looking, sloppy, shapeless mess. Understandable. But she was either oblivious or unconcerned as far as his revulsion went and proceeded to carve out a niche for herself in Dude’s life. She cooked gourmet meals, befriended his female family members and paid some of his bills.
Now, before you go getting’ all self-righteous, that was the arrangement they made. The whole purpose of her coming to the U.S. was to not only become his woman but also to help out financially. They were also supposed to get married…sight unseen. Her contention was that if they were going to take this huge step involving at least one of them leaving their country for the other, marriage had to be a distinct possibility. I imagine him holding the phone in one hand, his **** in the other while looking at the pictures she’d sent him claiming they were her and saying, “OK!”
Dude can’t get past the fact that she lied about her appearance. As he put it, “What you guys saw in clothes was nothing. It doesn’t even come close to how she looks naked!" After the initial lovemaking ran its course, Dude refused to do anything with her up to and including cuddling. Within the space of a few weeks, they’ve become like two roommates.
He comes home to a woman he finds physically repulsive watching reality TV shows he finds equally disgusting. He goes into his bedroom and watches TV while she stays in the guest bedroom because his snoring keeps her awake. During a fight, she went on his computer and removed all images of her from his C-Drive. Hmm, it’s almost as if she’s erasing any history of her lies so that she has a better case for herself if he tries to make her leave and involves the law.
Here’s where Dude fucked up. He pledged the possibility of marriage to a woman he’d only met through long-distance means. He believed the photos she sent him were her. He did no research on this woman before she arrived, choosing to trust every word out of her mouth. He set it up so that she would be staying with him for 90 days and did not make her sleep in a different room when she arrived because he saw them as being in a relationship. They did the dirt deed her fist there not once but several gut-wrenching times. He allowed her to meet his family within a week of her arrival, providing plenty of opportunity for her to schmooze his female relatives who now love her. And he let her pay bills, probably with a credit card that shows a history of payment.
She’s no idiot. She knows exactly what she’s doing and Dude’s mom and sister must be the biggest tools since…well, since him! He took her with him to Northern Michigan so she could meet everybody at his family reunion a week after she got here. She has gone out with his mom and sister to hair appointments and to get their nails done, not to mention shopping. She’s such a contrast to his wife (still not technically his ex) that they are over-compensating for the fact that she is able to talk and function in social situations. They love her so much that they have tried to convince Dude to make it work as long as he can get her to admit she lied about how she looks. His dad, the lone voice in the wilderness, says no way in Hell. But his dad is weak-willed and she is working on his new wife who despises Dude but loves her.
Dude ain’t havin’ it. Not only is he furious over her lies, he knows he will never find her attractive no matter how well they get long. He doesn’t think he should be forced to settle…I guess he has a lot to offer. Besides, there’s this really hot chick in Canada who just became interested in him. He knows she’s hot ‘cause she sent him pictures of herself.
So, the other day Dude decided it was time to take a stand. He told the Aussie he didn’t want a relationship with her and was still angry because of how she’d misrepresented herself. They got into a screaming fight over this where she repeated, “I’ve done nothing wrong” so many times it started to freak him out. I can see why. She either really doesn’t believe she looks that radically different from the pictures or she doesn’t care because she had now set up a nest and nothing is going to change that. Either way, she insisted she wasn’t going anymore.
Dude has finally decided to heed EFB’s advice from months ago and advertise for a paying roommate. Sadly, he can’t do that with her occupying his guest room. Like his wife before her, the Aussie spends all day in that room sulking. Unlike his wife, she spends a lot of time hanging with his mom and sister and winning them over. But it’s not all about sadness. She too is taking a stand. She told him she’s not leaving.
She also told him she’s not paying the speeding ticket she got up north when she was driving his vehicle on her permit. According to her, it’s too expensive once she does the exchange rate on the money. Besides, she is running low on funds thanks to all the grocery buying she’s done. “That’s because you always wanna cook gourmet meals!”
Oh, didn’t I tell you? She invited the mom and sister over and made them a gourmet meal. And he allowed this why? Would you have done the same? I wouldn’t have. Shit, EFB felt uncomfortable getting milk out of my refrigerator for months and she met my family for the first time at my aunt’s funeral! And we had actually met in person! Yes, I’m an asshole but I play it safe in this increasingly dangerous world.
Dude’s a wus. He’s letting this domineering, troll-like marsupial run roughshod over his ***. He is arguing with her and telling her no way but he’s not bringing the hammer down so she still thinks they can work it out. To be fair, we can’t blame her. This is a person’s life we’re discussing here and Dude’s only reason for not wanting to be with her is the way she looks…oh, and she lied about it. At what point does righteous indignation became superficiality?
Still, there’s a functional component here. Dude needs money and a paying tenant would help out immensely. She is potentially stopping that from happening. Now Dude has an ad on the bulletin board at the college where he works that might not be worth posting and he’s trapped in an awkward situation, angry because she won’t talk to him yet this is what he was aiming for the whole time.
On a personal note, I wish some human pile of hog-slop would tell me she wasn’t leaving my house! Imagine the unmitigated gall, the temerity, the…other shitI can’t summon words for at the moment! I’d be all like, “No, you di’iiinnnnttttt!” It would take all my self-control to keep Thunder & Lighting holstered in my pockets! Lets do what I know you people love to see me do most…ROLEPLAY SCENARIO TIIIMMMMEEEEE!!!
She: I did nothing wrong, mate! Get outta me way so I can throw another shrimp on the Barbie!
Me: What do you mean you did nothing wrong? You sent me pictures of someone with a hot body and you showed up lookin’ like you ate her!
She: I did nothing wrong! G’day!
Me: G’day? Bitch, you won’t be seeing a good day until you return to the land of kangaroos!
She: I’m not going anywhere! We can work this out!
Me: Indeed? Make sure you tell the hotel manager that when he asks you for a credit card ‘cause you outta heah!!!
Or, you know, words to that effect. Stay tuned, dearest vultures. They still have about two months to go and he’s planning to take a trip to Canada to meet the other chick within the week!
Isn’t this just the bestiest???
Since the Aussie pig arrived, Dude has been bitter about the fact that his Internet dream girl turned out to be an old-looking, sloppy, shapeless mess. Understandable. But she was either oblivious or unconcerned as far as his revulsion went and proceeded to carve out a niche for herself in Dude’s life. She cooked gourmet meals, befriended his female family members and paid some of his bills.
Now, before you go getting’ all self-righteous, that was the arrangement they made. The whole purpose of her coming to the U.S. was to not only become his woman but also to help out financially. They were also supposed to get married…sight unseen. Her contention was that if they were going to take this huge step involving at least one of them leaving their country for the other, marriage had to be a distinct possibility. I imagine him holding the phone in one hand, his **** in the other while looking at the pictures she’d sent him claiming they were her and saying, “OK!”
Dude can’t get past the fact that she lied about her appearance. As he put it, “What you guys saw in clothes was nothing. It doesn’t even come close to how she looks naked!" After the initial lovemaking ran its course, Dude refused to do anything with her up to and including cuddling. Within the space of a few weeks, they’ve become like two roommates.
He comes home to a woman he finds physically repulsive watching reality TV shows he finds equally disgusting. He goes into his bedroom and watches TV while she stays in the guest bedroom because his snoring keeps her awake. During a fight, she went on his computer and removed all images of her from his C-Drive. Hmm, it’s almost as if she’s erasing any history of her lies so that she has a better case for herself if he tries to make her leave and involves the law.
Here’s where Dude fucked up. He pledged the possibility of marriage to a woman he’d only met through long-distance means. He believed the photos she sent him were her. He did no research on this woman before she arrived, choosing to trust every word out of her mouth. He set it up so that she would be staying with him for 90 days and did not make her sleep in a different room when she arrived because he saw them as being in a relationship. They did the dirt deed her fist there not once but several gut-wrenching times. He allowed her to meet his family within a week of her arrival, providing plenty of opportunity for her to schmooze his female relatives who now love her. And he let her pay bills, probably with a credit card that shows a history of payment.
She’s no idiot. She knows exactly what she’s doing and Dude’s mom and sister must be the biggest tools since…well, since him! He took her with him to Northern Michigan so she could meet everybody at his family reunion a week after she got here. She has gone out with his mom and sister to hair appointments and to get their nails done, not to mention shopping. She’s such a contrast to his wife (still not technically his ex) that they are over-compensating for the fact that she is able to talk and function in social situations. They love her so much that they have tried to convince Dude to make it work as long as he can get her to admit she lied about how she looks. His dad, the lone voice in the wilderness, says no way in Hell. But his dad is weak-willed and she is working on his new wife who despises Dude but loves her.
Dude ain’t havin’ it. Not only is he furious over her lies, he knows he will never find her attractive no matter how well they get long. He doesn’t think he should be forced to settle…I guess he has a lot to offer. Besides, there’s this really hot chick in Canada who just became interested in him. He knows she’s hot ‘cause she sent him pictures of herself.
So, the other day Dude decided it was time to take a stand. He told the Aussie he didn’t want a relationship with her and was still angry because of how she’d misrepresented herself. They got into a screaming fight over this where she repeated, “I’ve done nothing wrong” so many times it started to freak him out. I can see why. She either really doesn’t believe she looks that radically different from the pictures or she doesn’t care because she had now set up a nest and nothing is going to change that. Either way, she insisted she wasn’t going anymore.
Dude has finally decided to heed EFB’s advice from months ago and advertise for a paying roommate. Sadly, he can’t do that with her occupying his guest room. Like his wife before her, the Aussie spends all day in that room sulking. Unlike his wife, she spends a lot of time hanging with his mom and sister and winning them over. But it’s not all about sadness. She too is taking a stand. She told him she’s not leaving.
She also told him she’s not paying the speeding ticket she got up north when she was driving his vehicle on her permit. According to her, it’s too expensive once she does the exchange rate on the money. Besides, she is running low on funds thanks to all the grocery buying she’s done. “That’s because you always wanna cook gourmet meals!”
Oh, didn’t I tell you? She invited the mom and sister over and made them a gourmet meal. And he allowed this why? Would you have done the same? I wouldn’t have. Shit, EFB felt uncomfortable getting milk out of my refrigerator for months and she met my family for the first time at my aunt’s funeral! And we had actually met in person! Yes, I’m an asshole but I play it safe in this increasingly dangerous world.
Dude’s a wus. He’s letting this domineering, troll-like marsupial run roughshod over his ***. He is arguing with her and telling her no way but he’s not bringing the hammer down so she still thinks they can work it out. To be fair, we can’t blame her. This is a person’s life we’re discussing here and Dude’s only reason for not wanting to be with her is the way she looks…oh, and she lied about it. At what point does righteous indignation became superficiality?
Still, there’s a functional component here. Dude needs money and a paying tenant would help out immensely. She is potentially stopping that from happening. Now Dude has an ad on the bulletin board at the college where he works that might not be worth posting and he’s trapped in an awkward situation, angry because she won’t talk to him yet this is what he was aiming for the whole time.
On a personal note, I wish some human pile of hog-slop would tell me she wasn’t leaving my house! Imagine the unmitigated gall, the temerity, the…other shitI can’t summon words for at the moment! I’d be all like, “No, you di’iiinnnnttttt!” It would take all my self-control to keep Thunder & Lighting holstered in my pockets! Lets do what I know you people love to see me do most…ROLEPLAY SCENARIO TIIIMMMMEEEEE!!!
She: I did nothing wrong, mate! Get outta me way so I can throw another shrimp on the Barbie!
Me: What do you mean you did nothing wrong? You sent me pictures of someone with a hot body and you showed up lookin’ like you ate her!
She: I did nothing wrong! G’day!
Me: G’day? Bitch, you won’t be seeing a good day until you return to the land of kangaroos!
She: I’m not going anywhere! We can work this out!
Me: Indeed? Make sure you tell the hotel manager that when he asks you for a credit card ‘cause you outta heah!!!
Or, you know, words to that effect. Stay tuned, dearest vultures. They still have about two months to go and he’s planning to take a trip to Canada to meet the other chick within the week!
Isn’t this just the bestiest???
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
ADVENTURES WITH THE "N" WORD.
I think it’s safe to assume that most of you reading this don’t have any direct experience with being a bi-racial man in America. It’s a unique one, especially for someone like me who came out of the womb looking more white than black. My physical appearance has afforded me certain levels of access to the secret conversations of racist white Americans that no person of color is ever going to hear unless they’re hiding and eavesdropping.
The reason I don’t mention being privy to the secret conversations of blacks is because they don’t tend to keep what they think about race to themselves. One of the “virtues” of being a minority, I suppose, is being able to openly discuss these viewpoints, no matter how fucked up many of them are.
I am the ideal double agent. I can get in unnoticed and report back what I heard. I do this sometimes mainly because I can’t stand the idea that these smug, racist pricks think they’re getting away with these comments. The real irony is that while sometimes I hear this stuff because nobody knows what I am, I also hear a lot of it from people who know exactly what I am. This baffled me until I realized it was happening for one of two reasons: (1) Convenient memory loss, during which the bigot in question overlooks or forgets what I am because it makes him more comfortable. (2) They want me to agree with them so a minority can validate their views.
Every once in a while I get labeled “one of the good ones.” As grateful as I am for such a high status in the echelons of these goddam bigots, that designation can be revoked at the slightest change in the racist’s comfort level. As the stupid woman asked my mom in a panicky voice before I was born, “WHO WILL HE DATE???” She replied, “Whoever he wants.” But she forgot to add, “But if her parents are racists, he better be prepared.” That goes for both races, by the way.
Sometime last week, EFB’s mom made comments of such a horrible and repulsive nature that it took everything I had not to pick up my phone and light into her decrepit ass. As is often the case with her, it was a seemingly unprovoked verbal onslaught that came out of nowhere and ruined an otherwise good time she and her daughter were having. Why do I say “seemingly unprovoked?” Because I know how her so-called mind works, and she knows I do which distresses her even more.
According to EFB, her mother loves me. I don’t believe that but she does so I don’t bother disputing it. See, I refuse to believe in a love that’s based on the “If Only” Principle. That’s what I call it when someone says, “You would be one of my favorite people, if only you were all white/black, etc.” You can’t love someone you consider not good enough; hence there is no love there. Fondness, perhaps, akin to what one would feel for someone else’s child or pet.
The two of them have had fights in the past regarding my racial impurity and the tiny chance of us having a child that does not appear white. I’m not used to hearing this kind of talk so I just kind of listened as EFB related it and stored it away for future reference. Don’t get me wrong: I know these conversations take place but having mostly dated women of color, I didn’t have to deal with it head-on. Technically, I still haven’t.
Fair warning: The language in this next part is going to get pretty harsh and uncomfortable. If I’m writing that, you know it’s gotta be pretty damn bad!
***You can stop here or read on, it's up to thee.***
For whatever reason, EFB's mom called her a "nigger." This wasn't the first time she's used this word, but it was the first time she qualified it by explaining she was using the word not to mean black people specifically but for its original meaning. Apparently she thinks nigger means a stupid person, which is the accepted definition of the word by both blacks and whites in the U.S. In actuality, the word's origin is simple according to Dave Wilton, an independent researcher in historical linguistics, etymology, and slang origins. It was originally the Latin word for "black" and did not become a word associated with derogatory usage until the Nineteenth Century when "polite white society" deemed it a classless term utilized by the white under-class.
So, not only is EFB's mom a racist, she's also ignorant & classless...a perfect Fox News demographic if ever there was one. But she didn't stop at calling her daughter a nigger, yet another in a long line of horrific insults that include "Latin trailer trash" for wearing a scarf on her head one day. She went on to include me in a way that finally confirmed something I've been telling EFB about her for years.
What she said basically was that I was acceptable because of the way I look (i.e. white) and that she liked me personally. Basically, I'm one of the "good ones." Contrary to what some ghetto-ass blacks may think of me because I speak well and don't bump hip hop from my too-cool Ford Taurus Wagon, I am far from being an Uncle Tom. I have no desire to be viewed by mainstream white society as an "acceptable one" any more than my mom did when a woman in our neighborhood canvassing for a Republican candidate said, "You seem like a responsible one" as if it were a compliment.
Despite my "good one" status, she issued a warning ---yes, a warning--- to her daughter not to even consider conceiving a child with me. Why this is even a topic of conversation if beyond me but I digress. What she said basically was that if she did have a child and it came out looking black (which is highly unlikely) she would have nothing to do with it and that it would be shunned by their family.
Oh, noooo! My child could be shunned by people I can't stand that stand for things I despise? What's next? Skinheads won't let it in to their rallies? What the fuck, you stupid old bitch? Are you so arrogant and mired in your white superiority that you actually think I'd be upset about that? Or was it just EFB you're trying to upset?
Considering she told her daughter not to mention these things to me in order to spare my feelings, I gots to go wit option one.
The likelihood of a guy who is mixed by way of an all-white dad and a mixed mom having a black-looking kid with an all-white female is pretty low. At most, it might come out looking Mediterranean or something. That brings me to my next point.
In a fit of blind rage, EFB asked her mom why she would be upset about this but not about her half-Jewish grandsons. Actually, she said, "Then you better stop acknowledging those two sand-niggers your other daughter gave birth to!" Now, I'm all for using appropriate shock value on an ancient racist, but this went a bit further than I thought necessary. Still, it had its desired effect and the two of them didn't speak for nearly a week.
It turns out her mom is nothing if not consistent. She did indeed give her other daughter a hard time for marrying a Jew who, incidentally, is an unbelievably racist, sexist, anti-gentile motherfucker. Another daughter was read the riot act for dating a Jewish genius as well. She was even upset because her one daughter married a guy who was half-IRISH! She sees them as some different group entirely.
A part of me wants so badly to knock EFB up. Nothing would make me smile bigger than a brown baby telling her to fuck off before she gets too old to know what's happening. But I don't believe in using children as social experiments.
Too bad~
The reason I don’t mention being privy to the secret conversations of blacks is because they don’t tend to keep what they think about race to themselves. One of the “virtues” of being a minority, I suppose, is being able to openly discuss these viewpoints, no matter how fucked up many of them are.
I am the ideal double agent. I can get in unnoticed and report back what I heard. I do this sometimes mainly because I can’t stand the idea that these smug, racist pricks think they’re getting away with these comments. The real irony is that while sometimes I hear this stuff because nobody knows what I am, I also hear a lot of it from people who know exactly what I am. This baffled me until I realized it was happening for one of two reasons: (1) Convenient memory loss, during which the bigot in question overlooks or forgets what I am because it makes him more comfortable. (2) They want me to agree with them so a minority can validate their views.
Every once in a while I get labeled “one of the good ones.” As grateful as I am for such a high status in the echelons of these goddam bigots, that designation can be revoked at the slightest change in the racist’s comfort level. As the stupid woman asked my mom in a panicky voice before I was born, “WHO WILL HE DATE???” She replied, “Whoever he wants.” But she forgot to add, “But if her parents are racists, he better be prepared.” That goes for both races, by the way.
Sometime last week, EFB’s mom made comments of such a horrible and repulsive nature that it took everything I had not to pick up my phone and light into her decrepit ass. As is often the case with her, it was a seemingly unprovoked verbal onslaught that came out of nowhere and ruined an otherwise good time she and her daughter were having. Why do I say “seemingly unprovoked?” Because I know how her so-called mind works, and she knows I do which distresses her even more.
According to EFB, her mother loves me. I don’t believe that but she does so I don’t bother disputing it. See, I refuse to believe in a love that’s based on the “If Only” Principle. That’s what I call it when someone says, “You would be one of my favorite people, if only you were all white/black, etc.” You can’t love someone you consider not good enough; hence there is no love there. Fondness, perhaps, akin to what one would feel for someone else’s child or pet.
The two of them have had fights in the past regarding my racial impurity and the tiny chance of us having a child that does not appear white. I’m not used to hearing this kind of talk so I just kind of listened as EFB related it and stored it away for future reference. Don’t get me wrong: I know these conversations take place but having mostly dated women of color, I didn’t have to deal with it head-on. Technically, I still haven’t.
Fair warning: The language in this next part is going to get pretty harsh and uncomfortable. If I’m writing that, you know it’s gotta be pretty damn bad!
***You can stop here or read on, it's up to thee.***
For whatever reason, EFB's mom called her a "nigger." This wasn't the first time she's used this word, but it was the first time she qualified it by explaining she was using the word not to mean black people specifically but for its original meaning. Apparently she thinks nigger means a stupid person, which is the accepted definition of the word by both blacks and whites in the U.S. In actuality, the word's origin is simple according to Dave Wilton, an independent researcher in historical linguistics, etymology, and slang origins. It was originally the Latin word for "black" and did not become a word associated with derogatory usage until the Nineteenth Century when "polite white society" deemed it a classless term utilized by the white under-class.
So, not only is EFB's mom a racist, she's also ignorant & classless...a perfect Fox News demographic if ever there was one. But she didn't stop at calling her daughter a nigger, yet another in a long line of horrific insults that include "Latin trailer trash" for wearing a scarf on her head one day. She went on to include me in a way that finally confirmed something I've been telling EFB about her for years.
What she said basically was that I was acceptable because of the way I look (i.e. white) and that she liked me personally. Basically, I'm one of the "good ones." Contrary to what some ghetto-ass blacks may think of me because I speak well and don't bump hip hop from my too-cool Ford Taurus Wagon, I am far from being an Uncle Tom. I have no desire to be viewed by mainstream white society as an "acceptable one" any more than my mom did when a woman in our neighborhood canvassing for a Republican candidate said, "You seem like a responsible one" as if it were a compliment.
Despite my "good one" status, she issued a warning ---yes, a warning--- to her daughter not to even consider conceiving a child with me. Why this is even a topic of conversation if beyond me but I digress. What she said basically was that if she did have a child and it came out looking black (which is highly unlikely) she would have nothing to do with it and that it would be shunned by their family.
Oh, noooo! My child could be shunned by people I can't stand that stand for things I despise? What's next? Skinheads won't let it in to their rallies? What the fuck, you stupid old bitch? Are you so arrogant and mired in your white superiority that you actually think I'd be upset about that? Or was it just EFB you're trying to upset?
Considering she told her daughter not to mention these things to me in order to spare my feelings, I gots to go wit option one.
The likelihood of a guy who is mixed by way of an all-white dad and a mixed mom having a black-looking kid with an all-white female is pretty low. At most, it might come out looking Mediterranean or something. That brings me to my next point.
In a fit of blind rage, EFB asked her mom why she would be upset about this but not about her half-Jewish grandsons. Actually, she said, "Then you better stop acknowledging those two sand-niggers your other daughter gave birth to!" Now, I'm all for using appropriate shock value on an ancient racist, but this went a bit further than I thought necessary. Still, it had its desired effect and the two of them didn't speak for nearly a week.
It turns out her mom is nothing if not consistent. She did indeed give her other daughter a hard time for marrying a Jew who, incidentally, is an unbelievably racist, sexist, anti-gentile motherfucker. Another daughter was read the riot act for dating a Jewish genius as well. She was even upset because her one daughter married a guy who was half-IRISH! She sees them as some different group entirely.
A part of me wants so badly to knock EFB up. Nothing would make me smile bigger than a brown baby telling her to fuck off before she gets too old to know what's happening. But I don't believe in using children as social experiments.
Too bad~
Sunday, August 23, 2009
ALL-NEW PET PEEVES LIST:
Ain’t nuthin’ like a pet peeves list, but when the list comes from the tortured yet arousing mind of Scribe, ‘tis a cause for celebration and a call to revolution!
How’d that read? I’m working on my own PR campaign where I write as if I’m a critic who can’t stop singing my own praises. Anyway, enough about me. Let’s talk about how I feel about things instead. I worked hard on this list because I wanted to be sure I wasn’t repeating or revising previous ones. So sit back, shoot up, kick the animal or person nearest you, and enjoy my latest list of pets that peeve:
Yellers- As a person working in customer service, I think it’s safe to say I’m exposed to this type of person more than most. These sad sacks of shit have somehow come to the conclusion that constant raising of the voice and interruptions will get them what they want. Problem is, they don’t always know what they want. I can tell the difference within seconds but there are still those around me who get “hooked” and allow the person to get to them. This type isn’t limited to my job, though. They’re everywhere and they sincerely believe their loud voices will wear down all resistance. Then, of course, they encounter lil’ ol’ soft spoken me and change their worldviews.
Epigram People- I’ve always despised people who rely on the words of others to get points across. That’s not to say I don’t appreciate what others have said in the past, but when one comes armed with only that, one comes with an unloaded gun. Bible bumpers are notorious for this behavior, especially black ones. Sorry, the rest of us aren’t impressed. And I for goddam sure don’t appreciate the constant posting of quotes on sites such as Facebook. One Facebook friend of mine posts nothing but quotes from other sources! Bottom line: If you don’t have your on words, you add nothing to the human condition or the discussion so fuck off (Scribe, 2009)
“Seriously???”- Every year some new, obnoxious expression arrives to drive me closer to that naked in he watchtower with a .22 rifle moment. This year it’s the word listed at the beginning. I am hearing this so often that is has almost eclipsed that ridiculous LOVE thing soccer moms are using when they have absolutely nothing to add. And I’m like, “Seriously? Really? No, no, dude. DUDE! Seriously?” That’s right, just stand in one place for a moment longer…click…SERIOUSLY!? Boom!
Fox News, it’s everywhere!- For a network whose ratings are reportedly dropping, I sure see it on in a lot of public venues. I’ve seen it on at the Laundromat, doctor’s offices that don’t use those pre-recorded medical tips “shows,” and even in restaurants. The volume is often turned down, thankfully, but the garish, cheap sets and wide-open mouths of the pundits can be seen from almost any angle. A recent insider poll was conducted to determine the Fox News fan base and the results weren’t too surprising to me: Non-college educated whites 55 and older. That’s their audience! Those are the people watching Bill O’Lie-ley as Al Franken renamed him and Sean Insanity and all the rest of those propagandists and buying every word they hear. Sadly, that demographic fits a rather large segment of Michigan’s population including (SSHHhhh) EFB’s superior-minded and very racist mother (more on that in my next post).
Women with three names- This is another one of those annoyances I started noticing once I’d joined the Facebook cult. I knew they existed but had no idea how prevalent it was. I’m talking about women who want to be married, live the traditional lifestyle, drop out of the workplace and regress the women’s movement by fifty years through being soccer moms who still somehow think they shouldn’t have to completely lose their last names. Previous run-on sentence notwithstanding, this just pisses me right the fuck off! You cannot have it both ways. You either want to be an independent woman who likes to brag “No man pays MAH bills!” or you wanna be June Cleaver, the proverbial maid in the kitchen and tiger in the sack with the lights off and the shades drawn. The sort of “duality” required for the three-name thing is hypocrisy at its highest level. If you don’t want to lose the last name because of a loss of identity, get a fucking job with a name badge and get over yourselves!!!
AAAaarrrrgggghhhh that one almost caused me to lose it, vultures! Just one more to go before I can lave for my anger management class and fantasize about the others in there dying in the worst ways possible…
Gen-X’ers who think and act like Baby Boomers- I don’t get it. Generation X is defined as that sort of transitional group of kids who bridged the gap between the insensitive prick’s of the previous decades and the utter wimps of nowadays. We can still be jerks from time to time, but not in the way our predecessors were. We aren’t supposed to see the opposite as a separate species. Naturally there are exceptions to the rule. Women with absent or abusive fathers, men with controlling mothers, and first generation Americans tend to fall under that umbrella. But for those of us who are none of those things, it simply makes no sense.
All right, that's it. My next post promises to be extremely contriversial and for once it's not about what i find my underwear upon waking~
How’d that read? I’m working on my own PR campaign where I write as if I’m a critic who can’t stop singing my own praises. Anyway, enough about me. Let’s talk about how I feel about things instead. I worked hard on this list because I wanted to be sure I wasn’t repeating or revising previous ones. So sit back, shoot up, kick the animal or person nearest you, and enjoy my latest list of pets that peeve:
Yellers- As a person working in customer service, I think it’s safe to say I’m exposed to this type of person more than most. These sad sacks of shit have somehow come to the conclusion that constant raising of the voice and interruptions will get them what they want. Problem is, they don’t always know what they want. I can tell the difference within seconds but there are still those around me who get “hooked” and allow the person to get to them. This type isn’t limited to my job, though. They’re everywhere and they sincerely believe their loud voices will wear down all resistance. Then, of course, they encounter lil’ ol’ soft spoken me and change their worldviews.
Epigram People- I’ve always despised people who rely on the words of others to get points across. That’s not to say I don’t appreciate what others have said in the past, but when one comes armed with only that, one comes with an unloaded gun. Bible bumpers are notorious for this behavior, especially black ones. Sorry, the rest of us aren’t impressed. And I for goddam sure don’t appreciate the constant posting of quotes on sites such as Facebook. One Facebook friend of mine posts nothing but quotes from other sources! Bottom line: If you don’t have your on words, you add nothing to the human condition or the discussion so fuck off (Scribe, 2009)
“Seriously???”- Every year some new, obnoxious expression arrives to drive me closer to that naked in he watchtower with a .22 rifle moment. This year it’s the word listed at the beginning. I am hearing this so often that is has almost eclipsed that ridiculous LOVE thing soccer moms are using when they have absolutely nothing to add. And I’m like, “Seriously? Really? No, no, dude. DUDE! Seriously?” That’s right, just stand in one place for a moment longer…click…SERIOUSLY!? Boom!
Fox News, it’s everywhere!- For a network whose ratings are reportedly dropping, I sure see it on in a lot of public venues. I’ve seen it on at the Laundromat, doctor’s offices that don’t use those pre-recorded medical tips “shows,” and even in restaurants. The volume is often turned down, thankfully, but the garish, cheap sets and wide-open mouths of the pundits can be seen from almost any angle. A recent insider poll was conducted to determine the Fox News fan base and the results weren’t too surprising to me: Non-college educated whites 55 and older. That’s their audience! Those are the people watching Bill O’Lie-ley as Al Franken renamed him and Sean Insanity and all the rest of those propagandists and buying every word they hear. Sadly, that demographic fits a rather large segment of Michigan’s population including (SSHHhhh) EFB’s superior-minded and very racist mother (more on that in my next post).
Women with three names- This is another one of those annoyances I started noticing once I’d joined the Facebook cult. I knew they existed but had no idea how prevalent it was. I’m talking about women who want to be married, live the traditional lifestyle, drop out of the workplace and regress the women’s movement by fifty years through being soccer moms who still somehow think they shouldn’t have to completely lose their last names. Previous run-on sentence notwithstanding, this just pisses me right the fuck off! You cannot have it both ways. You either want to be an independent woman who likes to brag “No man pays MAH bills!” or you wanna be June Cleaver, the proverbial maid in the kitchen and tiger in the sack with the lights off and the shades drawn. The sort of “duality” required for the three-name thing is hypocrisy at its highest level. If you don’t want to lose the last name because of a loss of identity, get a fucking job with a name badge and get over yourselves!!!
AAAaarrrrgggghhhh that one almost caused me to lose it, vultures! Just one more to go before I can lave for my anger management class and fantasize about the others in there dying in the worst ways possible…
Gen-X’ers who think and act like Baby Boomers- I don’t get it. Generation X is defined as that sort of transitional group of kids who bridged the gap between the insensitive prick’s of the previous decades and the utter wimps of nowadays. We can still be jerks from time to time, but not in the way our predecessors were. We aren’t supposed to see the opposite as a separate species. Naturally there are exceptions to the rule. Women with absent or abusive fathers, men with controlling mothers, and first generation Americans tend to fall under that umbrella. But for those of us who are none of those things, it simply makes no sense.
All right, that's it. My next post promises to be extremely contriversial and for once it's not about what i find my underwear upon waking~
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