WHY DUDE HAS LOST MY SYMPATHY

Regular readers of this blog, assuming I have any left considering the lackluster rcomment amount I’ve been receiving of late, are aware of the ongoing story of Dude and his child-bride, Minnie Mouse.

For those who aren’t, I will recap very quickly: Dude is a 1980’s era slacker who found that all the women his age were married when he hit his thirties and went and found a chick in her early twenties from Canada to marry. She wound up cheating on him with an illegal Mexican guy whose family owned the taco themed restaurant where she worked; he dropped her off at the Canadian border before she could give birth to a kid that would become Dude’s responsibility if it were born in the U.S.

Whew. Poor guy, right? Feeling sorry for him? It’s sad when a loyal spouse discovers their mate cheating on them with such wild abandon. What a skank, huh? Can you believe she’d take chances like that and not wear protection? Can you believe she did these things with her paramour in the backseat of her best friend’s car? Yuck.

Yes, let’s all throw Dude a pity party because nobody deserves it more. Or does he?

A few weeks ago I would have responded with an emphatic and breathless “Yes!” But Dude is nothing if not an ashhole and he makes it rather difficult to empathize with his plight. Bitterness is not only expected but it is encouraged in situations like his. He deserves to feel that way and those who call him friend should understand that. But I don’t call him friend and I don’t much care for the type of guy he is on the inside of his stocky little frame.

For one thing, Dude is a racist. A big-time racist. I’m not talking about that double standard Northern racism with a smile that’s all the rage these days either. When I call Dude a racist, I am using the word in its purest form that, any sociologist will tell you, is a term meant to convey a systemized institution of bigotry based on feelings of inherent superiority. As a Buddhist I see notions of superiority as an example of the pervasive delusionary state of humanity. As a person of bi-racial parentage, I want to break my foot off in Dude’s ass and hobble home for a prosthetic so I can attach it to resume kicking him until he’s a greasy stain on the carpet.


But I regress. Dude’s comments about anyone non-white get back to me via the EFB information highway. It’s placed her in an interesting position as well. Where once she might have defended his “right to feel any way he wants,” she has seen the hideous hatred he espouses in the name of opinion and it has made her sick to her stomach. In some ways he’s accomplished what I could not…he’s shown her the hazards of bigotry.

The sheer, raw hatred that comes from this mockery of a man makes it impossible to sympathize with him. And now that he’s chosen to join some BS made-up Protestant spin-off church, he has become even more judgmental and superior. EFB says if someone is going to be that arrogant they need to have accomplished something in life. I don’t agree that anyone has the right to be that arrogant, but she makes a valid point nonetheless. Dude works a dead-end job and tries to drum up business for his real estate ventures in the worst economy Michigan has ever seen. He gets help from his mother to pay the bills, including when he was married and his wife was working two jobs. And this is the guy who feels he can judge people of color who are more accomplished than he is because surely they received a free ride to get where they are.

“Free ride.” I suppose I would also classify someone whose parents paid for everything when he was in college (never got a degree) including sending him to Spain to study. I guess free ride could be stretched to include a guy whose bills are often covered by his parents. But this is the guy who thinks he is superior.

He also thinks he’s “classy” and likes comparing himself to EFB’s family because they tend to be influential and (on the surface) refined. It amuses me to see how upset that makes EFB but it isn’t funny enough to warrant having him around.

Like any “good racist,” Dude is a massive hypocrite. He professes an interest in women of Hispanic background but refers to Mexicans as being the scum of the Earth. I think the last time I heard of a mentality like that was on slave plantations where the master slept with his female slaves and still treated the people in his fields like livestock.

Oddly enough, EFB made a statement like that the other day. She likened his superiority complex to that of Colonial times and she was dead-on. She also mentioned a history class she’s taking where a “classic” was read aloud that was written by someone with that mentality. The piece described blacks in negative detail, basically going into the old sub-human rhetoric popular at the time. For some reason, the hair was a big deal in this piece, and the one black lady in the class hung her head while it was read, much to the discomfort of her classmates. EFB told me she always felt bad about the hair issue and wondered why God would allow women of color to have to deal with it.

I looked across the table and said, “God did that because it’s not supposed to matter to us.”

Her facial expression told me I’d actually made a resonating point. That point would have been lost on Dude, however. He uses God to justify his hatred. A perfect example of this occurred the other day when Dude finally went beyond the pale (get it?) of human hatred and entered a realm of almost satanic repulsiveness.

Dude went to court to finalize his divorce; his wife did the same in Canada. The judge, instead of seeing this as an open-and-shut case chose to have Dude, Minnie Mouse and the baby get DNA tests. Dude was furious. How dare this judge make sure the baby wasn’t his before finalizing the divorce? EFB spoke to him right after and he was like unto a raving lunatic.

“Wouldn’t you rather err on the side of caution?” EFB said.

“NO!” Dude said, in a whiney tone. “It’s not mine! I can’t believe this!”
“Isn’t it possible she might have…you know…jumped on?”
“What does that mean?”
“You know, while you were drunk…she might have…”
“NO! That’s impossible! I would have known!”

This is a case of the boomerang effect of Karma hitting a guy right in the nads within a really quick amount of time. The day before, Dude had wished the baby dead.

That’s right. The innocent, uninvolved, new life was wished dead. Why? Because it “ruined everything.” Don’t you hate that? Babies are so malicious and conscious of their actions. If it would only die, somehow Minnie Mouse’s infidelity would go away and all would be right with the world. Stupid baby! Coming into the world uninvited and stickin’ around. Oh, and let’s not forget the fact that it’s “tainted” by the blood of a Mexican. You know, that same race whose women are acceptable for a good time but the men are what we wipe off our shoes at night.

EFB tried reasoning with him. She pointed out that it was an innocent life and he told her it wasn’t innocent because it was conceived in sin. Aren’t we all, according to the Bible? Hey God, how do you like your stocky little son now?

The most telling part of all is how he responded to EFB’s entreaties on the baby’s behalf. “I thought you were my friend.”

Wow.

EFB said that means he is an extremely spoiled little boy. True dat, but there’s more. He’s also a sociopath. I can’t feel bad for a monster like that.

Can you?