RANDOM CHAOS

When I am bored and restless and thirsty, I generally tend to jump in my car, drive really fast, aim for small animals and purchase a lovely beverage. Sadly, gas prices have forced me to find alternative means of infotainment, namely pondering often-unanswerable questions. Random thoughts tend to intrude upon my otherwise serene state of calmness and, if you believe that one, I also have a time-share in Egypt I’d like to tell you about.

Here are some random things that came to mind over the past week or so…

- Of all the places in the world, I have noticed that I feel most alive in this place (http://redfordtheatre.com/). I have no idea why. I recently saw the movie “Airplane!” there and realized how connected I feel to the place, as if I used to frequent it in a former life. I am contemplating volunteering.

- I often wonder why it seems that those who can’t do a thing are the first ones front and center to criticize those who can. For instance, people who couldn’t create a work of fiction if they were provided with a template and a graph can’t wait to give their expert opinions on something they know nothing about. I am going to start crashing operating rooms and doing this to doctors. Apparently it is my God-given right and I have a lot of time to make up for.

- Have you ever noticed that those who warn us to avoid workplace romances are those who haven’t done it themselves (Avoided or indulged)?

- Have you also ever noticed that people with vanity license plates tend to be either really good-looking or bone-chillingly hideous? There is no in-between. Does that mean the average person doesn’t feel the need to advertise they are they are a “QT4U2C?”

- I predict a day when children are born with enormous thumbs and eyes, text messaging as they exit the birth canal. They will “evolve” into a legless stump with a perfectly round rear end for sitting and the cell phones will be attached to them via the lower intestines.

- Every other popular song on the radio sounds disturbingly similar to some song from my youth that I hated.

- Ronald Reagan’s presidency is the reason Americans would even for a moment seriously consider a big-mouthed lightweight like Sara Palin for anything more than drain commissioner.

- The more religious a person is in the Western World, the more hate-filled he or she is as well. The more spiritual they are, the more at peace and accepting they are.

- I don’t think “The Simpsons” will ever go off the air and I am thankful for that.

- People who like to say Jesus was a liberal are wrong. He might have had some groovy concepts about peace, love and understanding, but no liberal, i.e. progressive, is going to tell you he is the one and only way. Jesus was a moderate, like Bill Clinton or John McClone with cooler hair and super-powers.

- College history professors seem to have a vested interest in making sure students see the concept of secret societies running the world behind the scenes as sheer nonsense to be laughed off and cast away. Hmmmmmm…

- “I kissed a Girl” is the most juvenile, blatantly pandering piece of pop music fluff to hit the airwaves since Phil Collins’ “Another Day in Paradise.” But where the former had deep social relevance and meaning, Katy Perry’s experimentalism anthem is nothing more than shock value designed to freak out the Bible Belt.

-I am not alone in thinking “The Dark Knight” was an overrated exercise in futility. It wouldn’t have mattered if I had been the only one to feel this way, but the pervasive fanaticism with which this film was greeted would have forced me to question my own sanity. But there are some of us who see the film for what it really is: A sprawling, unfocused mess with almost zero thrills.

- Conservatives are criticizing feminists for criticizing Sara Palin by saying they are hypocrites to criticize a woman who is living the life she freely chose. In other words, if you were Jewish in 1930’s Germany or black in Eighteenth Century America, and you chose to join up with those who meant you ill will, you were immune from criticism. Okay. This must also apply to serial killers who surely decided freely to dismember their victims and should not be chided by society at large.

- With all the appearance of progress that has been made in the U.S. personified by the presidential election, one thing still remains sadly obvious. Barrack Obama’s white heritage, while acknowledged, is not being applied to his racial identity. In other words, Obama is actually the first bi-racial candidate (that we know of) in American history, but the old world slave mentality has ensured that only his brown skin is the determining factor in what he’s called. So, again, the smallest minority in the country, mine, is marginalized and ignored.

- Somehow, seemingly overnight, I have developed an appreciation for jazz!

- Marriage is not the horrible form of imprisonment to me it once was. By “once,” I mean a month ago. I still don’t believe it’s some divinely mandated union or the ultimate expression of love everlasting, but I have seen that it has some positive attributes.

- Certain ethnicities will always refuse to fully assimilate into American culture, which would be fine if they were OK with the same thing in their own countries. But they’re not. Third Worlders are the prime example of this hypocrisy. Anytime someone goes to one of their countries and starts living differently, they are physically attacked and often killed. If that happened here, the world community would condemn us as barbaric. Bottom line: Live however you want at home but in general population, you need to fit the fuck in or go home and oppress somebody who isn’t fitting in!

- I still can’t wrap my mind around why people camp out at the crack of dawn to call into a call center at six o’clock in the morning. I imagine these people with their hands hovering over their telephones, saying to themselves, “If I dial now at 5:59 they will be open by the time I go through the menu! I am the smartest person in the world muaaaa haaa haaa haaaa…um, why am I on hold?”

- There are still people who don’t know the difference between customer service and an operator. I am not some nasal, horn-rimmed glasses wearing woman in an old film and neither are my co-workers. Don’t call me for listings or to have phone calls put through. My job is to provide technical and billing assistance. Does an operator know how a switch works or how to reprogram a cell phone or synch up a PDA for online usage? Gonna take a wild stab and say, “Uh-uh!”

There you have it. A peek into how my mind works. Pretty dull, I know. Next time I’ll share with you my theories on the best grass seed and read my favorite “Cheers ‘n Jeers” throughout the years from TV Guide~