THE "WRITE-OFF PEOPLE"

Ever think you know somebody? Ever made the mistake of thinking you could predict the behavior of a human being and paid the cost? Of course you have. This is a universal experience.

I like to think I don’t make that mistake as often as most people do. My untrusting nature serves me well when it comes to not setting unrealistically high expectations. But, I am still human until the UFO’s show up en masse, so I must contend with the occasional fault in my programming…er, I mean “psyche.”

People will almost always let you down. That means you, me, the creepy guy down the street whose front yard looks like a kill-zone in Vietnam, and the single baby-machine with the hive of ugly kids, none of whom look alike yet all of whom are within a few months of age. And if stalwart citizens like that can betray us, what hope have we with the lawyers, politicians and child murderers?

Men have a tendency to place women on pedestals when we like them or find them attractive. Without getting too deeply into Dr. Phil territory, this is probably due to the fact that we revere our mothers (in most cases) and sub-consciously seek a way to recapture that feeling. Women, however, tend to do the opposite, especially when they are daddy’s girls. No man can ever possibly measure up to daddy even if he is a much better person. Basically, women are better equipped to handle disappointment than men.

In fact, women can be rather cold when it comes to being let down by someone they claim to care about. Cutting a person loose seems to come rather easily to many of them, as if people are mere accessories for a limited time to be discarded when no longer useful. Perhaps this is because time is the major factor for females. Everything is about keeping to the schedule. I can’t criticize since I don’t have the same “biological clock” situation, but it does seem to me that in a rational world some of those base instincts would be easier to suppress.

I don’t dispose of people like they’re snot-rags. It’s just not in me. I think my vultures (regular readers) should know that almost as well as people who know me in real life. Contrary to how I portray myself, I do have a conscience and a set of admittedly flexible morals. I was taught empathy at an early age and am able to place myself in another’s stead.

I don’t find it easy to say, “Well, that person is no longer worth my time, so much for them.” I don’t understand people who do, especially when they claim to be caring individuals. I’ve been on the receiving end of it, though, so I know it happens. One minute you think someone is in your corner, the next they’ve decided those were six weeks of tension they’ll never get back and have moved on. I’m being facetious, of course. It was more like eight weeks.

I guess I’d be OK with the write-off people if not for the fact that they often try to spread their belief system onto people like me. Not unlike demented missionaries (is there any other kind in the Western World?) they try to make others see the light of understanding that dawned upon them long ago. Again, women seem to excel at this. They are so good at it, in fact, that they often use it as justification for extra-marital affairs. And they love to get men to start seeing things the same way when it comes to friends they had before the relationship/marriage. Even more fascinating is when they try to use “reverse-psychology” by making you feel that one of your friends may be planning to divest themselves of you. It’s just that kind of passive aggressive, not-so-subtle manipulation that gives women a bad name and inspires obnoxious hip hop songs.

I recently had a strange experience with a friend who went from close to distant in what seemed to be a span of nano-seconds. I won’t deny it was painful. This was a friend I placed on a pedestal, ignoring all my self-imposed rules form years of bitter experience. As we should know, all a pedestal needs is a high wind to knock it over. When this particular pedestal fell over, it placed me in the uncomfortable position of self-examination.

I started wondering if I’d done something to offend. Then I started wondering if I was actually the one whose pedestal had been knocked down until I realized I’d done nothing different. Of course, that doesn’t guarantee anything. Sometimes people sit and think and think and reach conclusions without recent experience as their guide. But it wasn’t me at all. This is a person with apparently huge mood swings and this one lasted so long it started to look like a new (or revealed) personality.

Gone were the usually jovial demeanor and the smiles and laughs and flirtatious comments that had come to define a growing friendship. In its place were bitterness, resentment and a total lack of communication. It hurt.

Please don’t think I am unaware of the addictive nature of this situation. As time went on, though, I kicked that addiction. I went from texting to see if the person was OK to testing the person’s resolve. True friends don’t let much get in the way when it comes to people they care about. During this period, I sent three true messages designed to elicit a response. None of them did. Not even the one about being stranded on the road.

People who know me also know I am a depressed personality. I have been known to descend into fits of depression so deep it looked as if I’d never climb back out. But when somebody needed me, I threw on my clothes and stumbled out of the house. If I wasn’t able to leave the house, I at least let the person know why. It’s what you do, Godammit.

Receiving no replies at all causes someone like me to speculate endlessly. Eventually, in this case, I reached the conclusion that all was not what I thought it was. Disappointed, letdown, a tad disgusted, I slowly broke myself away from that connection. I still made overtures in person, but most of the time I was made to feel so uncomfortable that I wound up walking away shaking my head and lamenting the time I’d wasted. And for weeks nothing came of it. I stopped texting and visiting and concentrated on other things.

Then suddenly it was as if everything was OK again. Smiles, hellos, flirtatious wiggle-walks and all. I wasn’t biting. I’m not here to wade through someone’s crappy mood and equally crappy behavior like an abused spouse. Maybe I will relax my stance later on but right now I see no need to do so.

That brings me to the concluding piece of the write-off people puzzle. As much disdain as I have for those who write people off immediately, I am beginning to have even more for those who do it temporarily until they feel like it’s time to stop. Like dat Jeevis guy said, “Don’t take crap from others you’re not ready to feed to yourself.”

I come back on my own terms, nobody else’s~