RANT THE NEXT! (Trannies later)

Pardon me whilst a bust a quick, out of my ass but appropriate rap: (Ahem)

So yeah muthafukas it’s 2010
And my whole punk-ass life done started over again!
Ain’t shit worked back in 2009
But now all my shit is on the decline!
I ain’t nothin’ but a joke and ya’ll know that’s real
Been fucked so many times in da ass I can’t even feel
It don’t matter anymore thought ain’t nobody gonna care
When I get me a gun and blow my fuckin’ brains through the air!!!
Bitch...


Thank you for indulging me. This particular rant may be a return to form for those of you have been reading me over the years, but it’s a return to Job’s dung heap as far I’m concerned. Back in 2006 I thought I’d finally done it. After six years of suffering shitty jobs and constant humiliation from insecure intellectual inferiors (alliteration rules) I though I’d finally found a home at the job I held for the next three and a half years.

Sure, it wasn’t my ideal job but it paid the bills for the most part and it offered good benefits...some of those benefits came in the form of my favorite female body part, nice, round asses of the juicy variety. I looked but never touched. I am not a louse or a cockhound, at least not when I take my job seriously and don’t want to fuck it up with stupid behavior.

Now that I have lost said job (see my end of the year post) I have found myself once again adrift in that wasteland of bad economic times and a perverse willingness to accept any decent paying job that comes along. Apparently my resume has become much more impressive, as what might have taken me months before took 24 hours this time. I updated my resume on www.jobfinder.com and within a day had already received a call for an interview with a place that pays pretty much the same and offers similar benefits, albeit later than the last job offered them.

Still in shock from my termination, I gave what was probably the best interview I’ve ever given. I answered all the questions correctly, said exactly what an employer wants to hear, and aced the online tests. Getting a kid to piss in a plastic bag for me so I could pass the drug test was no problem! I’m kidding. I flirted with the lab tech and used hers. I am nothing if not ethical!

I got the job obviously and although it bears some resemblance to my previous occupation, it is also different in some significant ways. For one thing, there’s heavy lifting involved. What do I mean by heavy, you ax? Well, on my first day of training I assisted one of the guys with the delivery of an entire living room and dinette set up treacherous stairs through an apartment corridor with a door that refused to stay open. It has been years since lifted anything heavier than a busty woman’s jugs and my back paid the price. Today was my second day and since there were no deliveries to be made, I sat in front of a computer for ten hours and took online trainings.

At this point, you’re probably wondering what I do now. If not, how about you go have a seat and put your head back so I can squat over you and provide my own special sauce to your hairline!!!??? Don’t fuck with me this day! I am PISSED as HELL!!!!

I work for a company that does the rent-to-own thing. For those of you of decent backgrounds who are most likely educated, I will dumb it down a shade and provide my working daffynition of the concept...

Rent-to-Own- A service provided to truly fucked up people living in trailer parks or in the ‘hood who have shitty credit, no cash and might just decide to keep the shit they’re renting, thereby forcing said company to sue them.

My title is “Customer Account Representative.” Being in Michigan, I was lucky as hell to get this job, so of course I’m still looking around for something else. The bestest part of all, dear sweet supple and lickable vultures, is the award-winning staff with whom I now find myself connected.

There’s the young and ambitious assistant manager whose every other word is peppered with such delights as “Muhfucker” and “Fuck” and “Fucking asshole” and “What the fuck” and “Fuck that shit” and “Who the fuck” well, you get the point. Then there’s the fifty-something black man who apparently once played pro-football but is happy working as a Customer Account Rep??? Then there’s a really nice guy who I think has Muscular Dystrophy and a body stench that announces its presence a full minute before he enters the room. He even warned everyone to avoid the restroom after he left it....as if the odor didn’t simply follow his smelly ass into the showroom!

To remind myself that I wasn’t in Kansas anymore, or in this case my beloved yet hated Metro Detroit, I decided to watch the news with these guys on the LCD TV facing the counter since the store was so dead today. A story came on about an elderly Japanese man who had been present for the bombing of Hiroshima only to evacuate to Nagasaki just as that bomb was dropped there.

Not only was I the only to react to the word “Nagasaki” until the news anchor mentioned that it had been attacked, but when the story described what the old man had seen as a boy, I made the mistake of opening my mouth for a second. What I was going to say was that there had actually been tales of skin being blown off bodies that were turned to ash, yet the skin survived and grew on the walls of buildings. Before I could get that far, however, the ex-football player said, “Well, it coulda been avoided.”

Wow, I thunk. That’s a pretty enlightened viewpoint for a place like this and hey, the guy with MS is agreeing with him. Yep, it could have been avoided. Absolutely! Good show, mofos!

“Yep,” MS guy said. “If they hadn’t bombed Pearl Harbor.”
“Yep,” Ex-jock replied. “At that point we had the right to bomb them into the ground.”

This was followed by amused and knowing chuckles. I might have joined in, except these dumb-fucks and their pathetic lack of knowledge numbed my mouth. It was as if 1945 had returned and people still couldn’t see the big picture. They probably had no idea that the United States had basically made a deal with defecting Nazi scientists in exchange for the atomic bomb program Germany had nearly completed and that Japan was a convenient and close in proximity example for the Russians not to go getting all uppity about territorial disputes at the close of the war.

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck shit piss ass cunt dick bitch damn hell bastard son of a mutherfucking ass-reaming ball biting boner cracking piece of dogshit!!!!!

Why did I ever think things would work out in a positive direction?

***PREVIEW***

Here is a sneak preview of the tranny wedding I attended...

(The guy to the right serving as best man to the bride that still has a penis used to be woman)

Goodbye 2009, don't let the door hit you on the ass!!!

Well, it's official. 2009 has been just about the worst year of my life. It's been so fucked up, in fact, that I have had no small measure of difficulty writing about most of it. Some of it was embarrassing or downright humiliating, some of it was just plain fucked up. But even worse, my dream kinda sorta came true in the midst of everything else, thereby insuring that I couldn't enjoy it for more than a brief moment.

My real-life friend and fellow off-and-on blogger K just posted a simliar blog entry where she provided some highlights and lowlights of her year in review. I have decided to do the same, except I'll only focus on my own life rather than the larger picture because I'm just that important.

(The very few) Highlights:

My novel was published.
I was employed.
Some people purchased copies of my novel.



The Many Lowlights:

I was nearly thrown in jail for missing the deadline on a traffic ticket
I dropped over a thousand dollars on my car that still runs like shit
My supervisor wound up pregnant despite having had her tubes tied and was replaced by a robot whose unrealistic expectations placed my job in jeopardy
I nearly foreclosed on my mortgage due to the State of Michigan randomly pulling out almost a thousand dollars for a 13 year old debt at the exact moment I was going to pay the mortgage
My one and only book signing was a total failure
My next supervisor was equally robotic and unrealistic and I discovered that her nickname is "Exit Interview."
I lost my job right before Christmas. Thankfully, I had an offer for a new job within 48 hours & have been hired for similar pay and benefits but at a much shittier place.
I went on Facebook one day and saw pictures of the former love of my life getting married
I searched very hard for a reason to live to see 2010 (reason still pending)

So needless to say 2010 could be even worse. All the things that took place in 2009 could deteriorate in the coming year or give birth to worse things. I put up a good act on Facebook but daily I am falling apart and I sincerely doubt that's going to change.

Happy fucking new year~

EXTENDED STAY ANNOUNCEMENT

Far too much has happened of late for me to stop adding to this blog at the end of December. So as of now, I am extending its updates until at least the end of January, possibly February. I feel an undeniable need to vent and this is where I come to do it.

So you will have old Scribe to kick around a bit longer. Besides, I have this weird feeling that blogging is about to make a comeback in light of all the privacy intrusions happening at Facebook. We'll see, I guess.


Coming up next, tranny wedding pics!!!

A RANT THAT CAN ONLY BE FOUND HERE.

The main thing I’m going to miss about this blog is the freedom it provides for me to post things like this. Nowhere else do I feel relatively safe to do this without fear of reprisal. American Guy once asked why someone would want to continue posting under a pseudonym instead of under their own name on sites like Facebook…well, this is why.

A few years ago when blogging was still the big deal, there was an unnamed attorney whose no comments enabled blog was used to just rail against his wife. God, did he despise her. She seemed to be everything he found reprehensible, shallow, whiney, demanding and never satisfied. It was a blog of note for quite some time, and I always found it amusing that an ATTORNEY had the temerity to take a position of moral superiority.

One female blogger used hers as a way of lamenting her horrible relationship and her lack of willingness to change it. She didn’t last long, however, so I’ve often wondered if she got caught writing it or jut gave up. She seemed awfully depressed, so I’ve also wondered if she opted for a self-imposed final solution.

I remember a blogging couple (how I loathe those) of neo-cons who happened upon my blog one lovely day and decided to firebomb me with thinly veiled insults such as, “Organzied Chaos is right!” When I clicked onto their blog to respond to one of their diatribes, there was no way to do it because they had disabled comments. Cowards.

My favorite blogger was a teenager named “Bush-Cheney is not the Devil.” He would post sound clips from Rush Limbaugh and Michael Savage and then spend way too much time basically transcribing them as if it was his opinion and not theirs. That kid got a lot of responses, most of them pretty middle of the road, until I blew in.

Then there was “Niggaface,” a hilarious young man whose journey of self-discovery seemed to be taking place on his blog. He was an extremely gifted writer but unfortunately I lost the link to his blog when I changed mine around.

My second favorite blogger was some guy called “Minister Scribe.” What a nut. He presented himself as some kind of non-religious religious leader with all this made-up insanity about…hmmm? Oh, right. Never mind that part.

Most recently, I came to enjoy the insane ravings of a woman who claims to be a reformed lesbian whose anti-gay posts are truly something to behold. She rails against liberals and those that don’t believe in God by judging, employing hate tactics and basically encouraging violence against the people that symbolize her own conflicted nature.

Over the years, I accumulated quite a readership. Who knows how large it might be now if not for the fact that I had to delete my original blog and restart it in order to avoid prying eyes? There’s no way to know. I don’t think it matters anymore. Facebook hath spoken and, according to the letter its too-cool creator sent out the other day, it is now 350 million strong. From cult to religion in just a few years.

But I don’t care how immediate or user friendly Facebook is, it will never be the same. It forces people to use their own names, it encourages locating people from one’s past, and writing beyond the occasional snippet has nothing to do with it. Not to mention the simple fact that I can’t write the following rant there for obvious reasons:

(Former) EFB's mother is such an unbelievable racist! She is repulsed by the way several of her daughter's former friends in the old money town of Grosse Pointe turned out. Many of them ran didn't walk away from that place and moved to other parts of the country where they apparently became liberals. LIIIiiiiberalllllsssss!!!!

One such silver spoon child turned out to have a gay brother, bad enough in her mom's eyes, but imagIne her revulsion when she learned he married...A BLACK MAN!! AAAHHhhhhhhh!

That's right, there are photOs all over her Facebook page of her brother-in-law and he just couldn't be blacker. There are also photos of her children taking part in the wedding. Now, if her mom was a consistent conservative, her true outrage would concern the children, O the dear, sweet children...WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!?

Instead, she's more morally outraged by the fact that he's black. As if being a homosexual isn't "bad" enough these days, its the blatant immorality of choosing a black man as his life-partner that sends her Austrian blood to boiling.

Y'know, every time I start feeling sorry for her because of thehorrible way she treated by her ex-husband or the fact that she's all alone due to her second husband's sudden death, I am informed of something like this and I realize how evil and unlikable she really is.

Yeah...that one ain't gonna show up on facebook~

So, as we wind down to the final days of Organized Chaos, I feel the need to reflect not on my many years of blogging (that will come later) but on the fact that those who once and still read this thing seem to love them some lists! In fact, I think it’s safe to assume that it was my lists that kept up interest even as it started to wane. I do seem to have a talent for creating them and rarely repeating myself.

So, here’s one literally off the top of my head. It’s about things that are really ******* me off at the moment, things I’m tired of.

I am TIRED of:

- Working for a place that penalizes me for having to take a shit!

- People who don’t turn their fucking TV’s down or off when they’re on the phone conducting business!

- Insincere fucks who pretend to be concerned for your well being then find ways to fuck you in the ear whenever possible!

- My mortgage company that calls to find out when my payment will be made, notates that date, then calls back again and again asking the same fucking question!

- The pop music scene and its sad over-reliance on manufactured controversy to remain relevant!

- Whiney Christians complaining about retailers not mentioning Christmas in their advertising when 95% of them mention nothing but!

- Being told I’m lucky to have a job as if the companies aren’t lucky to have employees helping them turn a profit in shitty financial times!

- People that are pissed off just to be pissed off because they are too passive in their everyday lives to take out their ire on the real causes of it!

- Everybody except me being rewarded for mediocrity in an environment where it is expected!

- Not having a sizable print run of my novel!

- Having to navigate around three dogs in my house, including one destructive puppy that (former) EFB cannot see as doing any wrong!

- Being surrounded by luscious asses and not being able to do shit about it!

- Terrible writers getting great publishing deals and being hailed by mindless simpletons whose taste is all in their mouths!

- People that won’t shut the flame up long enough to realize you’ve already anticipated their question, answered it and resolved whatever they’re complaining about!

- The phrase “My baby daddy” and the many variations thereof!

- Meetings, each more pointless and absurd than the last, existing merely to validate jobs and enforce inane policies!

I have thought long and hard about this and have finally reached a decision: Organized Chaos as it currently exists will be coming to an end on December 31, 2009.

For the few stragglers still reading this blog, you should already know that this year has been a struggle for me in all ways possible. Despite the fact that I had a novel “come out” this year, the ever-widening hole at the center of me has continued to grow. Everything is crashing down around me and I am finding it increasingly difficult to care.

As a consequence, updating this stupid fucking blog has become more of a chore than a joy. I find that I often have nothing to say and that when I do it is too hard to get people to listen these days. If it doesn’t come in the form of a one or two sentence snippet on Facebook, it is apparently considered too much work. Well, it has become even more work to write these posts anymore.

I have a lot of decisions awaiting me this December. Most of them I’ll not share with anyone not even the closest people to me. I don’t need input or help or words of wisdom. This is an informational post, no more, no less.

I enjoyed blogging while it lasted. Often times it helped me feel alive. I now realize that feeling was little more than a brief distraction from the harsh and cure realities of life. And like anything with a finite appeal, it no longer provides anything resembling what it once did.

I have started seeing a therapist, even though I know it’s too late for it to make a difference. I told her the same thing I’ll tell you: I am very good at hiding what goes on beneath the surface. You might see me laughing, cracking the occasional rare smile or even seeming to have a great time. It is an act. It always was but more now than ever. Is it any wonder why I see this whole thing as an exercise in futility?

I had several posts in mind to update those of you who still read this blog about my state of mind but I’ve come wonder at the wisdom of posting my innermost shit on a blog where people who now have access to a certain someone can link what I write at will. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that I don’t trust anybody anymore. Still, my sense of loyalty to my vulturific readership demands that I at least provide a general overview of sorts.

Here are the highlights: Legal troubles early in the year where I almost wound up going to jail for ten days because some posturing, asshole judge didn’t want to give me 24 hours to pay a fine. A book that is out but has yet to see an actual, respectable print run. Horrible issues at work that have been so stressful and overwhelming I wound up seeing a shrink. Pressures from nearly all sides to accept my lot in life and pressure from a smaller contingent urging me not to do that. Constant reminders of my constant failures and lack of self-worth. And to top it all off, pictures posted online of the only person who ever made me feel like I mattered…on her wedding day!

I used to share my pain with you. I saw the blog as a form of catharsis. That was before everything just went to far. There is no cathartic release anymore. Everything that needed to be released is right here next to me all the time. The only left now is the decision I make about what happens next.

Aside from works of fiction, I have nothing left to say~