As year’s end swiftly approaches like satanic puppies nipping at our heels for devil-kibble, it just might be time to seek shelter, read a Bible passage, and think back on what we’ve learned this past year. And so I am responding to and tagging others for these ten questions of utter import that will change the world, divide nations, destroy religions and finally get rid of reality TV!
- What region of the country most disgusts you now? Well, I can’t say it does “now,” because the southern U.S. always disgusted me, but as the only region that didn’t wake up and vote for the best interests of the nation due to inbred prejudice and outdated so-called “values,” I was reminded why I keep my two-toned ASSNorth of the Mason Dixon.
- What single person or action changed your perception of a group or individual? When I saw Congress throw hundreds of billions of dollars to bail out sleazy banking institutions without any real restritions while placing the CEO’s of the Big Three under the hot light.
- What moment confirmed your worst fears about the human race? This one was tough but I have to go with Rudy Guiliani using the tragedy of 9/11 to advance his presidential aspirations. There aren’t enough words in any language to express how wrong, unethical and repugnant that was.
- What moment reaffirmed that tiny, hidden glimmer of optimism you pretend not to have? Who told you I…oh, right I wrote this. The election of Barrack Obama and Joe Biden (let us not forget him) reignited a long doused spark of hope in this cynic’s heart.
- Name one thing you realized was an exercise in futility this year. Debating with neo-cons. When one is so brainwashed as to be incapable of thinking beyond their flawed dogma, they are also incapable of learning from others.
- Who let you down the most this year? I wrote about him before, although technically his real betrayal occurred in 2006. Still, the fact that he has all but professed his undying love for EFB places him at the top of the list for another year.
- If this were the year you were given a “do-over,” would you use it or exchange it for some other year? This year hasn’t really been all that bad for me. I would exchange it for 2002.
- Was there a book or film that affected you deeply this year? If so, what? There were a few books, actually and one film. If forced to choose a single book, though, I’d have to choose Christopher Moore’s “Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal.” It is much more than a hilarious satire, it actually causes the intelligent reader (and me) to re-examine Jesus and his story in a positive way. Tied with "Lamb" is Michael Chabon's "The Adventures of Kavalier & Clay," possibly the most amazing novel I have ever read. The film would be Michael Moore’s “Sicko.” Hmm, “Moore” seems to be the recurring theme here. Maybe I should change my last name: Nah, How could I work that into my real name, Count Monster Rod VonHugenstein?
- Did anything become an addiction for you this year? If so, what and why? I became addicted to watching science fiction series like Stargate & Babylon 5 on DVD so I could create marathons. In one case, I watched an entire season of Babylon 5 in less than a week! I’m in therapy now and really find that sleeping with my therapist helps. I just wish he’d be the power bottom once in a while.
What if anything about this year do you sincerely hope carries over into 2009? The prevailing optimism about the future inspired by a biracial man whose charisma is swiftly making him the next Robert Kennedy…hopefully he doesn’t wind up the same way.
I tag all of you because I am sincerely interested in reading your responses; enjoy that, it likely won't happen again...get to work!!!
Showing posts with label Penis enlargement. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Penis enlargement. Show all posts
Monday, December 15, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
SCRIBE'S SELF-HELP SEMINAR:
Enough with politics, I see no reason why I shouldn’t jump on the self-help bandwagon and force people to see life through my eyes by pretending to love humanity. Only a fool or a politician wouldn’t know these people have naught but contempt for the human herd and obviously there are a lot of both groups because dem books be flyin’ off da shelf!
I want in. I wanna go on Oprah and tell everybody how to live and get stuff they’ve always wanted. I want to be seen as an expert on a field I have barely worked in, if at all, and get paid for it. I want to sit next to Montel and agree with his endless platitues and make it sound like we’re on the same wavelength and that’s why he’s so bloody brilliant.
And it all starts here, with a list of ten things of undeniable insight and unavoidable brilliance. Ten items of such wisdom that idiots will go blind upon reading them. Ten items that will expose the soft, seamy under-belly of human delusion and cause the planets to align while cats and dogs sing together at the left hand of God Himself!!!!
Priase my name! Praise it!!! Hugga bugga woooda bahsanta rie!!! Got me speakin’ in tongues up in heah!!!
And don’t forget it because what I just said above was the most important piece of the puzzle that will solve the biggest human conundrum: What Would Brian Boitano Do?
The list unfolds below:
- People who use the word “classy” rarely are.
- Speaking in tongues is probably the most ingenious scam ever devised by an organized religion.
- Guys that drive huge trucks have teeney weeney peenies.
- Republicans are like retarded children & should be pitied behind their backs & ridiculed to their faces.
- Women are only able to use sex as a form of blackmail on guys that aren't any good at it.
- Road rage is the direct result of over-civilizing & political correctness.
- God & Oprah are the same being, which is why I don't care for either one of them.
- Mormon's and Scientologists are God/Oprah's way of saying, "See? Religion can be funny."
- Somebody is always going to think they came up with an idea once it's popular. Not me, though. I really did write Star Wars before George Lucas. I was one brilliant toddler but my agent sucked.
- Scribe is the end-all, be-all authority on all things sociopolitical now that he has dethroned the artist formerly known as EFB's know-it-all brother...not the one mentioned below but the other one. (More on that in a later post once we've had a long enough break from politics)
I want in. I wanna go on Oprah and tell everybody how to live and get stuff they’ve always wanted. I want to be seen as an expert on a field I have barely worked in, if at all, and get paid for it. I want to sit next to Montel and agree with his endless platitues and make it sound like we’re on the same wavelength and that’s why he’s so bloody brilliant.
And it all starts here, with a list of ten things of undeniable insight and unavoidable brilliance. Ten items of such wisdom that idiots will go blind upon reading them. Ten items that will expose the soft, seamy under-belly of human delusion and cause the planets to align while cats and dogs sing together at the left hand of God Himself!!!!
Priase my name! Praise it!!! Hugga bugga woooda bahsanta rie!!! Got me speakin’ in tongues up in heah!!!
And don’t forget it because what I just said above was the most important piece of the puzzle that will solve the biggest human conundrum: What Would Brian Boitano Do?
The list unfolds below:
- People who use the word “classy” rarely are.
- Speaking in tongues is probably the most ingenious scam ever devised by an organized religion.
- Guys that drive huge trucks have teeney weeney peenies.
- Republicans are like retarded children & should be pitied behind their backs & ridiculed to their faces.
- Women are only able to use sex as a form of blackmail on guys that aren't any good at it.
- Road rage is the direct result of over-civilizing & political correctness.
- God & Oprah are the same being, which is why I don't care for either one of them.
- Mormon's and Scientologists are God/Oprah's way of saying, "See? Religion can be funny."
- Somebody is always going to think they came up with an idea once it's popular. Not me, though. I really did write Star Wars before George Lucas. I was one brilliant toddler but my agent sucked.
- Scribe is the end-all, be-all authority on all things sociopolitical now that he has dethroned the artist formerly known as EFB's know-it-all brother...not the one mentioned below but the other one. (More on that in a later post once we've had a long enough break from politics)
I realize I have a work of fiction coming out soon (publisher said will be ready to order from the printer in 2 weeks or less) but my self-help could make me a guru. Who doesn't wanna be a guru, doing...guru stuff and...other things gurus do...
Wait. Should I have admitted what I'm up to?
Hold on, people, Scribe the Wise needs to administer a little self-help and this time I don't mean masturbation...although that will probbaly happen as well!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
THE PRESUMPTUOUSNESS OF DISAPPOINTMENT
“Why people always gots to be judgin’ folk?” the wino said as he downed his final gulp of Wild Irish Rose. “Like they ain’t never did nothin’.”
I looked at my new friend and nodded gravely. He was right. Somebody is always there to judge and criticize as if they are somehow immune to the same things.
“If it’s one thing I done learned,” he began, “It’s that people ain’t never gonna…”
It took a few moments for me to realize he wasn’t finishing his sentence. With a gentle kick to his foot, I prompted him to go on.
He shrugged. “It don’t matter. Ain’t nothin’ gonna change no how.”
I bought him another bottle. Damned if he wasn’t right. People will always feel the need to attack what they perceive as negative behavior in lieu of their own.
The funny thing is, and I’m sure my fictional wino friend would back me up on this if he weren’t sleeping off the day’s philosophical ponderings, these are people that rarely have clean laundry lists. So why are they the first ones to act this way?
This is a question that has apparently plagued humanity for centuries. Jesus, happening upon the stoning of Mary Magdalene for either being a prostitue or a crazy occultist depending upon which version of the story you choose to accept, uttered the famous, “Let he who is without sin cast he first stone.” In the Monty Python film “The Life of Brian,” the person who uttered that phrase got pelted repeatedly with rocks. Sadly, that’s probably a more realistic depiction.
Other religions have dealt with this same concept. None of them has arrived at a satisfactory answer. The latest major religion, Psychology, has grappled with many states of mind in an attempt to fit them all into neat, tidy little packages. But I haven’t seen much research done on the nature of hypocrisy. Why not?
Perhaps they started and reached my wino friend’s ephiphanous conclusion: What’s the point? Hypocrisy seems to be hardwired into the human psyche right alongside survival and factionalism. It is, after all, the perfect method for achieving both of these. A hypocrite can happily tiptoe through the tulips believing themselves free of “sin” as a way of ensuring their continued survival. This also leads to distinctions being drawn in the mind between their moral superiority and the inherent inferiority of those they judge so readily.
I have spent a lonely lifetime taking on people like this while at the same time endeavoring to avoid being one of them. All of us fall from time to time. But the worst offenders tend to be those individuals who think they have somehow passed beyond the veil of normal human experience and can now impart lessons unto the slobbering masses.
This reminds me of my favorite TV show “Babylon Five.” For those unfamiliar with the show, allow me to provide a brief recap. For those unconcerned, you are now my sworn enemy. The show focused on a space station in the 23rgd century that was built as a sort of United Nations to avoid future interplanetary conflicts. As the opening narration of the third season informs us, “It failed.” What it became instead was a symbol of greatness in an ongoing ancient war that had been waged several times over the millennia. This was manipulated and instigated by two races, one called the Vorlons who were beings of light and the other called the Shadows, who were what their name implies. When the younger races involved in the war realized they were fighting a war based on a philosophical difference created by two races that thought they were superior despite having their own issues…just watch the damn show!!!
These hypocrites may be human but they are similar to the aliens mentioned above. But at least the aliens had the virtue of having led lives the other races knew nothing about. I’ve dealt with people whose checkered pasts were known to me and they still wanted to judge me as well as others. That takes a special breed of judgmental lunatic, I think.
I sometimes get the impression that some people place me on a pedestal. I have no idea why. In my opinion, I am the last person who deserves a platform on which to stand above others. As you are no doubt aware, anyone on a pedestal eventually falls off and lands on his or her ass. This is when those who placed them there go nuts. Suddenly that person is a “disappointment” or they can’t “believe” what they are seeing/hearing.
This is why Charles Barclay said, “I am not a role model.” He was just a guy bouncing a rubber ball around for large sums of money. Likewise, I am just a guy who does what he does and tries to muddle through this existence until the day his body gives out and he lives no more. It’s the American dream, after all.
I try not to judge other people for their actions and deeds. In fact, I judge so rarely that I have actually had to endure judgment for not being judgmental! Seriously. It actually pisses people off that I won’t judge others, no matter what they do. I sincerely do not believe we have that right.
I may not believe in God, especially as described in the various religious literatures available at Barnes & Noble, but I do believe in a higher level of being. And I don’t believe we reach it by being petty and standing in judgment of others. I also don’t think we reach it by trying to reach it, but that’s another post.
I know nothing can be done about these people. They won’t some day awaken to their own hypocrisy and start working to make the world a better place. I’ve got news for ya: The world can’t be a better place. This really is as good as it gets. We’re not capable of anything more on our own. So, unless the Mayan prediction of sky people arriving to help us in 2012 proves correct, we will have to do what we can sans celestial assistance.
People will continue to judge and be “disappointed” in those they placed into some artificial realm of higher esteem as long as we exist as a species. They will create standards and laws and rules and tribes based on these judgments long after this current generation has faded away and returned to the stardust and proto-matter that gave birth to the universe. Some things are constant and unalterable.
I can’t find any comfort in that.
What about you?
I looked at my new friend and nodded gravely. He was right. Somebody is always there to judge and criticize as if they are somehow immune to the same things.
“If it’s one thing I done learned,” he began, “It’s that people ain’t never gonna…”
It took a few moments for me to realize he wasn’t finishing his sentence. With a gentle kick to his foot, I prompted him to go on.
He shrugged. “It don’t matter. Ain’t nothin’ gonna change no how.”
I bought him another bottle. Damned if he wasn’t right. People will always feel the need to attack what they perceive as negative behavior in lieu of their own.
The funny thing is, and I’m sure my fictional wino friend would back me up on this if he weren’t sleeping off the day’s philosophical ponderings, these are people that rarely have clean laundry lists. So why are they the first ones to act this way?
This is a question that has apparently plagued humanity for centuries. Jesus, happening upon the stoning of Mary Magdalene for either being a prostitue or a crazy occultist depending upon which version of the story you choose to accept, uttered the famous, “Let he who is without sin cast he first stone.” In the Monty Python film “The Life of Brian,” the person who uttered that phrase got pelted repeatedly with rocks. Sadly, that’s probably a more realistic depiction.
Other religions have dealt with this same concept. None of them has arrived at a satisfactory answer. The latest major religion, Psychology, has grappled with many states of mind in an attempt to fit them all into neat, tidy little packages. But I haven’t seen much research done on the nature of hypocrisy. Why not?
Perhaps they started and reached my wino friend’s ephiphanous conclusion: What’s the point? Hypocrisy seems to be hardwired into the human psyche right alongside survival and factionalism. It is, after all, the perfect method for achieving both of these. A hypocrite can happily tiptoe through the tulips believing themselves free of “sin” as a way of ensuring their continued survival. This also leads to distinctions being drawn in the mind between their moral superiority and the inherent inferiority of those they judge so readily.
I have spent a lonely lifetime taking on people like this while at the same time endeavoring to avoid being one of them. All of us fall from time to time. But the worst offenders tend to be those individuals who think they have somehow passed beyond the veil of normal human experience and can now impart lessons unto the slobbering masses.
This reminds me of my favorite TV show “Babylon Five.” For those unfamiliar with the show, allow me to provide a brief recap. For those unconcerned, you are now my sworn enemy. The show focused on a space station in the 23rgd century that was built as a sort of United Nations to avoid future interplanetary conflicts. As the opening narration of the third season informs us, “It failed.” What it became instead was a symbol of greatness in an ongoing ancient war that had been waged several times over the millennia. This was manipulated and instigated by two races, one called the Vorlons who were beings of light and the other called the Shadows, who were what their name implies. When the younger races involved in the war realized they were fighting a war based on a philosophical difference created by two races that thought they were superior despite having their own issues…just watch the damn show!!!
These hypocrites may be human but they are similar to the aliens mentioned above. But at least the aliens had the virtue of having led lives the other races knew nothing about. I’ve dealt with people whose checkered pasts were known to me and they still wanted to judge me as well as others. That takes a special breed of judgmental lunatic, I think.
I sometimes get the impression that some people place me on a pedestal. I have no idea why. In my opinion, I am the last person who deserves a platform on which to stand above others. As you are no doubt aware, anyone on a pedestal eventually falls off and lands on his or her ass. This is when those who placed them there go nuts. Suddenly that person is a “disappointment” or they can’t “believe” what they are seeing/hearing.
This is why Charles Barclay said, “I am not a role model.” He was just a guy bouncing a rubber ball around for large sums of money. Likewise, I am just a guy who does what he does and tries to muddle through this existence until the day his body gives out and he lives no more. It’s the American dream, after all.
I try not to judge other people for their actions and deeds. In fact, I judge so rarely that I have actually had to endure judgment for not being judgmental! Seriously. It actually pisses people off that I won’t judge others, no matter what they do. I sincerely do not believe we have that right.
I may not believe in God, especially as described in the various religious literatures available at Barnes & Noble, but I do believe in a higher level of being. And I don’t believe we reach it by being petty and standing in judgment of others. I also don’t think we reach it by trying to reach it, but that’s another post.
I know nothing can be done about these people. They won’t some day awaken to their own hypocrisy and start working to make the world a better place. I’ve got news for ya: The world can’t be a better place. This really is as good as it gets. We’re not capable of anything more on our own. So, unless the Mayan prediction of sky people arriving to help us in 2012 proves correct, we will have to do what we can sans celestial assistance.
People will continue to judge and be “disappointed” in those they placed into some artificial realm of higher esteem as long as we exist as a species. They will create standards and laws and rules and tribes based on these judgments long after this current generation has faded away and returned to the stardust and proto-matter that gave birth to the universe. Some things are constant and unalterable.
I can’t find any comfort in that.
What about you?
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