SCRIBE'S LATEST PET PEEVES, part I

AWWwwwwwww yeah! Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water and avoid getting pregnant, Scribe’s little but mighty soldiers return with a new list of Peeves both petted and wild. Experience!


- WOMEN THAT REFUSE TO HAVE OPINIONS. I thought this was a thing of the distant past, but apparently there really are still some women out there who would prefer to let a man do their thinking for them. Perhaps this would be for the best if not for the fact that the men they chose tend to be utter dumb-fucks! Why did women fight and die and get beaten to advance the cause of a woman’s ability to think for herself and watch Oprah so a new generation of doormats could come into the world? I’ll tell you why: I don’t know! Let’s move on.

- RICH KIDS THAT THINK THEY’RE “DOWN.” I’m not sure when this particular phenomenon began but it’s just about past pathetic. I remember a time when a rich kid wouldn’t be caught dead even looking at someone from the ‘Hood let alone imitating them. The emergence and dominance of hip-hop, gangsta rap in particular, changed the entire landscape of the rich kid mentality, possibly forever. Now they listen to that shit and think they know what the street life is all about. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t see anything positive about the lifestyle, but none of these little bitches would last five seconds there unless they were buying everybody something to eat. AND THEN MAYBE! I see firsthand what these self-entitled little shit-stains do and it is disgusting. Let’s see how “down” they are when they look over in time to see someone body slam another person to the concrete and then walk away as that person starts vomiting clear fluid all over the place. Let’s see how they feel when they’re sitting in their cars with the windows cracked and suddenly somebody grabs their arm and starts trying to literally pull them through the slightly open window. God help them if they witness a shooting! They need to retire to their mansions and listen to Miley Cyrus.

- PEOPLE WHO EXPECT CELL PHONES TO WORK EVERYWHERE. For those who know where I work, it should be obvious this is a peeve that affects me directly. I blame “The X-Files.” In the Nineties when nobody knew much about cellular technology, myself included, it was perfectly fine to show someone in a concrete basement getting a clear signal. However, there’s a reason no cell provider can guarantee service inside a structure: certain building materials disrupt the signal. Doesn’t matter who you use or what phone you use, if you’re in a building made of concrete and steel, your phone might not be able to locate the nearest tower and establish a connection. That’s how the technology works. Line of sight. Your cell phone literally seeks out towers it can “see” and connects with them so the switching stations can carry the call to another tower and so on. That’s why they’re also called “mobile phones,” because the ideal usage occurs when the handset is in motion and able to be handed off from tower to tower. Got it now? Good! Now stop callin’ me about stupid shit!!!

- READERS OF THE “TWILIGHT” SERIES. You know who you are, you purveyors of crap. You make the Harry Potter fans look like lovers of fine literature. If you’re children, I forgive you your interest in this horribly pretentious drivel, but if you’re an adult, me & you ‘bout to get all ugly up in heah!!! The author of this wretched series is on record as having said she doesn’t have to follow the rules of her own universe because it’s fiction and she can make up whatever she wants. This type of psychotic, hackneyed “reasoning” is exactly what distinguishes those with talent from those with ideas. You are supporting a con artist. Even Stephen Long May He Reign King said she can’t write worth a damn. He was too kind.

- FACEBOOK JUNKIES. Seriously, what’s going on? Is this website really the greatest thing to hit the Internet since chatrooms? What is it about Facebook that makes people view it as essential? Are we so isolated in this post-industrial wasteland known as modern society that we feel the need to connect by telling people we like white fluffy clouds on a daily basis? We all know lil’ Greggers wet the bed last night thanks to the daily updates, but does that validate the person writing them? Facebook for me is a networking tool. Sure I post sarcastic things from time to time, but ultimately it’s for whore my writing and meeting other writers and readers. Maybe that’s because I actually have something to talk about! Fucking imbeciles! Nobody gives a rat’s fat ass about hubby’s “shining face” in the morning or the fact that you love goddam tortilla soup! Just sit there, be a non-entity, and fade away like my libido, dignity & self-respect!


More to come, bitches!!!