SCRIBE'S LATEST PET PEEVES, PART 2

Hopefully the rest of my Current Peeves list will be more palatable for some of my more politically correct readers:

- REPUBLICANS WHO VOTED FOR OBAMA WHO NOW CRITICIZE HIM FOR DOING WHAT HE CLEARLY STATED HE WAS GOING TO DO: Hmm. I guess the title of this one kinda says it all, doesn’t it? Permit me to add one thing to that:Fucking IDIOTS!!! Thanks. Let’s move on.

- FAKE TITS: I didn’t used to mind them. Some women feel the need to increase their bust size and that’s perfectly understandable. It’s not my favorite body part but that doesn’t mean I am disgusted by them either Ok, I love ‘em. But now entire generations have grown up not being able to tell the difference when it should be glaringly apparent in most cases. Frankly, I reject the notion of “too perfect” when it comes to fake tits. They don’t look perfect at all. They look weird; Gravity defying and artificial. I have known two stunning women who wanted to get them. Sometimes it would be overwhelming for someone that hot to have large breasts. I sometimes think nature or God or something determines that early on and adjusts accordingly. Tampering with that plan is tantamount to blasphemy! Unless they look real…


- HAVING TO HOLD MY BREATH UPON ENTERING THE BATHROOMS AT WORK: Imagine yourself working in a call center where you are on the phone for two to three hours per day without breaks. You have to drink water all day to keep your throat clear but you also have to go to the bathroom prior to your break or lunch time. You can get up and go but you are timed when you do. If your phone logs you out while you’re gone, that counts against your stats. There’s hardly ever a way to reach the bathroom, make a delivery and get back before that happens. So the last thing you want to experience upon entering the only bathroom on your floor is the stench of an ancient horse stall in Hell's sewer system!!! We’re not just talkin’ about a bad odor here, we’re talking about a force so powerful it literally crawls into your nostrils and mouth and takes up residence. This is a living thing that dares you to remain in there with it as your gag reflex kicks in. Now you’re running from the bathroom like a wanted fugitive, bounding down the stairs to reach the next floor in a mad dash to find a bathroom that is stench-free. This is a daily occurrence because some gigantic carnivore decides to set up a nest in the handicap stall.


- CHILDREN: What purpose do they really serve except sending us into bankruptcy and criticizing us for the current state of the world? What possible “joy” could there be in knowing you’ve just created something that will some day throw you in a nursing home? So far congress hasn’t acted on my proposal to outlaw children in the U.S. but I did receive a really nice form letter thanking for my interest, so my hopes are high.

- PEOPLE WHO GO TO CHURCH: What’s this all about? Stupid trends. Put one reality show on the Music Television channel and suddenly all the faux hipsters are praisin’ his name? Whatever! Buncha sheep. MY Bible says there’s nothing holier than sleeping in on Sunday (which I can’t do because I work) and possibly changing one’s underwear upon rising (which I also don’t do because it’s more economical to wear the same ones for three days straight). In fact, I’m not convinced church is a requirement for membership in any religion. But one Dateline NBC story about some guy in church who killed his wife and suddenly it’s the most glamorous fucking thing in the world. Now it’s church, church, church everywhere I go. I thought there were only like three in the whole country but apparently they’re everywhere! It’s an epidemic!!!


There, is that better? Geez!