BOWLIN' WITH TRANNIES! part 2 of previous post

The American Legion Hall is a mere hoot ‘n holler from the reception hall and, from the looks of things, everything else. We could have walked and met the short bus as it was pulling up. I can’t believe a building this small houses a bowling alley but soon enough I see how wrong I am.

This place has four lanes! There are pitchers of beer on each of the three tables and farm-folk arranged in various poses throughout the tiny area. To the immediate right is a bar with a grinning good ol’ boy/biker dude. I am impressed by the set-up; it’s a f’real bowling alley complete with modern technology display screens. Still, I’m in my fabulous clothes and have no intentions of bowling, thank you oh so very much. I’ll take a cup or 80 of that beer, though!

This is the worst part of the day, when we hover around in some sort of holding pattern between the wedding ceremony and the actual reception. It was the idea of the bride and groom to go bowling in their wedding attire whilst the farmers attended to their cows and whatever horrors are being held captive in their attics at midday.

While being admonished for drinking beer due to its tendency to exacerbate migraines, I watch the bride and groom cavort and mug for the camera as the professional wedding photographer in the cheap suit takes pic after pic of them on their bowling lane. At one point, the big ol’ bride actually lies down like the proverbial beached whale and gives a come hither pose right on the lane itself. Once he’s taken a few more bowling alley shots, the photographer bids them adieu…before the reception??? I feel myself being lifted and transported to some surreal alternate universe stranger than anything I could manage in my fiction. And as that dimension welcomes me, I realize I might as well find a way to enjoy myself.

I decide to join in on the bowling festivities. I am a decent bowler, nowhere near as good as my dad who nearly went pro back in the Seventies, but I’m not bad. Bowling in shiny dress pants isn’t the ideal method for showing off my skillz, but I make do. At some point, the trannies decide they want to join in. Oh, haven’t I mentioned the trannies yet?

I’m sorry, that must’ve been due to my tendency to place unpleasant sights into the background of my sub-conscious mind. If not for potential lawsuits, I’d post some pics of the gruesome twosome for you to scream & wet yourselves, but you’ll have to make due with my descriptions instead.

I will call them Trannie 1 & Trannie 2 for the purposes of simplification. Trannie 1 is pre-op, meaning he has hooters and…well, hooters. He looks like something out of the Dark Ages, some bizarre, inbred blacksmith with stringy blond hair, giant bulging eyes and hands big enough to palm cannon balls. Trannie 2 is post-op, meaning “she” is now anatomically a woman. Since “she” has her fancy new store-bought vagina, "she" is the demure, feminine one in the relationship. Frankly, neither one of them is going to win the daintiness award. Yet they both chose to wear lovely sundresses to the wedding.

I suppose that beats the mircro-mini Trannie 1 wore to the bride’s baby shower while flirting with male relatives who didn’t know he was their formerly male cousin and nephew. I still dry heave whenever I think of the time his other sister was riding in a convertible and glanced over in time to get a get look at the frank and beans during a high wind.

But I digress. The trannies soon join in and bowl like the big tough guys they are. Trannie 2, still firmly entrenched in “her” role as the girl in a lesbian relationship (?) pouts and pretends to cry whenever “she” doesn’t bowl a strike. It’s enough to make a confused man reel with possibilities. For example, the bartender seems awfully enchanted by Trannie 1 and his wit. In fact, the two of them seem to be getting awfully chummy.

Bowling with trannies is an interesting experience that I recommend everyone have at least once. Watching a beefy man toss balls down the lane like they’re confetti while his clingy sundress rides up his lack of curves is a sight to behold. It’s best when the trannie has matching finger and toenail polish and it is bright green. It adds to the ambiance.


Wanna know what I recommend even more highly? Suffering through all the above for that beautiful moment when one of the trannies falls hard on their flat ass. That’s when I knew I’d made this long journey for a reason! One moment he is tossing the ball, the next he is lying on his side, sundress lifted up just enough to provide a hint of the nausea-inducing loveliness beneath.

Trannie 2 doesn’t even react, in fact seems to barely register what has happened. “She” doesn’t go to “her” lover’s aid or anything. That of course, makes it funnier and forces me to take a walk outside to “get some air.”

Eventually, bowling ends. I think I place either second or third; it’s been a while since I bowled and a kinda sucked it up out there.

When we get back to the reception hall, more people have arrived and the final festivities are ready to commence. You’re probably thinking that’s the end of it and all was normal after the bowling. You would be correct, to some extent, but there was one little thing.

The bride’s sister’s live-in boyfriend of the last quarter century still hadn’t shown up. Was he really going to boycott this too because of his arrogance and feelings of inherent Jewish superiority? He sure as hell wasn’t at the church for the wedding. Now we find ourselves walking on broken glass without shoes, trying to keep her spirits up.

Her boyfriend and I haven’t spoken in years, since he turned out to have a bigger vagina than either of the trannies and revealed his true bitch-like nature. I couldn’t deal with someone that can’t take criticism but can dish it out like he works at a judgment banquet and finally put him in check. I was, apparently, the first person to ever do that and he’s never forgiven me for it. So be it.

But if he doesn’t show up and man up and step up and all those other things people say as if they made them up, he and I will be speaking again real soon.

Tune in next time to see what happened~


Same Scribe time, same Scribe channel!!!