THE EMAIL THAT PISSED OFF ALL THE RIGHT PEOPLE:

I opened my email the other day to read the subject heading, "WOW! You have to reply to this one!" It was from EFB, meaning it had to be of a controversial nature. Her family loves to send pro-conservative emails to all who will open them and bask in their gentle goodness. Of late, I have been on the threads of almost every email of this nature. Every email, that is, except the following which bore a single line from her brother reading, "The other side of the coin?"

The email follows:

A Brief for Whitey
by Patrick J. Buchanan
Posted 03/21/2008 ET

Barack says we need to have a conversation about race in

America .

Fair enough. But this time, it has to be a two-way conversation. White America needs to be heard from, not just lectured to.
This time, the Silent Majority needs to have its convictions, grievances and demands heard. And among them are these:

First, America has been the best country on earth for black folks. It was here that 600,000 black people, brought from Africa in slave ships, grew into a community of 40 million, were introduced to Christian salvation, and reached the greatest levels of freedom and prosperity blacks have ever known.

Wright ought to go down on his knees and thank God he is an American.

Second, no people anywhere has done more to lift up blacks than white Americans. Untold trillions have been spent since the '60s on welfare, food stamps, rent supplements, Section 8 housing, Pell grants, student loans, legal services, Medicaid, Earned Income Tax Credits and poverty programs designed to bring the African-American com munity into the mainstream.

Governments, businesses and colleges have engaged in discrimination against white folks -- with affirmative action, contract set-asides and quotas -- to advance black applicants over white applicants.

Churches, foundations, civic groups, schools and individuals all over America have donated time and money to supp ort soup kitchens, adult education, day care, retirement and nursing homes for blacks.

We hear the grievances. Where is the gratitude?

Barack talks about new 'ladders of opportunity' for blacks.

Let him go to Altoona and Johnstown , and ask the white kids in Catholic schools how many were visited lately by Ivy League recruiters handing out scholarships for 'deserving' white kids.
Is whi te America really responsible for the fact that the crime and incarceration rates for African-Americans are seven times those of white America ? Is it really white America 's fault that illegitimacy in the African-American community has hit 70 percent and the black dropout rate from high schools in some cities has reached 50 percent ?

Is that the fault of white America or, first and foremost, a failure of the black community itself?

As for racism, its ugliest manifestation is in interracial crime, and especially interracial crimes of violence... Is Barack Obama aware that while white criminals choose black victims 3 percent of the time, black criminals cho ose white victims 45 percent of the time?

Is Barack aware t hat black-on-white rapes are 100 times more common than the reverse, that black-on-white robberies were 139 times as common in the first three years of this decade as the reverse?

We have all heard ad nauseam from the Rev. Al about Tawana Brawley, the Duke rape case and Jena . And all turned out to be hoaxes. But about the epidemic of black assaults on whites that are real, we hear nothing.

Sorry, Barack, some of us have heard it all before, about 40 years and 40 trillion tax dollars ago.

I decided to reply with the following:

Memo/reply from Obama to Pat Buchanan and those who agree with his views:

Bawse, you sho nuff did put me in my place! I don't know what this silly old high-yellow nigra was thinkin' gittin' all uppity bout race and such! That's what we gits for havin' opinions, I s'pose. And thank ya for addressin' me by my first name like we's all friends and I don't be deservin' no fancy titles and last names. Ya'll folks always make sure you do that.

Now when you said America has been the best country for black folks you was sho right! I know some of dem ungrateful types be moanin' and groanin' about the fact that it took nigh onto foe hunnit years for blacks to be considered 1/3 of a human being, but that's 'cause they ain't got no sense! Why, being herded onto slaveships, forced to live in cramped holding areas whilst disease kilt us and eat stuff you white folks wouldn't even call food was livin' the life of Riley! Ain't nothin' better than when a conquering tribe sells you like youse cattle to a buncha people you ain't never seen before, separating youse from ya family and people. And not speakin' the same language as anybody on the ship? HOOOOoooo WEEEEEeeee that's a fine ol' time!

But here go the best part, massah Boo-cannon! Once the ol' slavery bugga-boo was over, we's got to vote, long as we was descended from land-owners. Oh, that's right, that weren't possible yet 'cause we was slaves and all. Well, forgit dat part. What did votin' ever do for a nigrah anyway? We ain't got da sense God gived a flea to go makin' them big ol' decisions no how.

But I loved da part bout Christian Salvation! 'Cause I know Ize grateful that the religion of my oppressors was forced down my throat. Golly, Massah Boo-cannon, some of dem slaves only went to church 'cause it got em out of da fields for a couple hours! But they was saved and dat's what matter! Yessuh! Nearer mah Lord to thee! Amen!

And I gots to agree witcha when youse brings up discrimination 'gainst white folk! Why, that evil old affirmative action done been around for 30 years now! That's exactly the same as what blacks and other non-whites endured for centuries. You ain't whinin' at all when you get to talkin' bout the white man's plight! Dis is yo country! You know, after you slaughtered the folks what lived her first but is be yours now!!!

And dem programs you mentioned to brings us into the mainstream? Well, some folk ('specially ungrateful, uppity spooks like dat ol' Reverend Wight) says dem was designed to maintain a circle of poverty and dependency so there would be a permanent under-class in America. Some folk say black folk was doin' better economically before forced segregation 'cause the gubmint didn't have much say in they business. I know! Crazy! If we gotta remember history, we might not repeat it and then you might not be postin' up thought-provoking stuff like this here!

I for one am in full agreement wit'cha massah Boo-cannon. We knows that black-on-white crime is due to the fact that black folk ain't usually got nothin' to steal but that just ties back into the whole circle of poverty thang. If one ain't true, neither is the other. See? Now Ize thinkin' just like a conservative. Ignoring history and focusin' on current events to justifies my beliefs.

I done heard it all before, too, Massah Boo-cannon. I think we understand each other now.

Can you guess the reaction to this? If not, hold onto your tampax as I unveil that part of the story in a couple days~