MY 90'S MUSIC LIST, part the first

When lccb makes a request, everybody rushes to fulfill it. At least, I assume that’s what people do. She’s pretty scary sometimes, and I can’t imagine the consequences of not doing what she says.

I mean, I don’t wanna make her sound insane or dangerous, but she just might be…insane…and…danger…um, let’s move on. I think she’s here! Act like I am talking abouit something else….

Um, so yeah! Margerine is definitely a happy alternative to butter! Oh, hi lccb, how’s it hanging’. Hey, guess what I done? I wroteded one of them lists that are all the rage. About what? It’s the one you asked for about overrated Nineties bands. Have I pleased you, mistress? No punishment today? Oh, thank you!!! Thank you, thank you!!! And Ize goan starts wit da white stuff 'cause massah say so!

Once I’ve applied lotion to my sore hiney, I shall regale you all with my list of overrated Nineties bands and solo acts….

Rub in a circular motion, up & down, up & down, in & out…don’t ask!!!

OK, here we go, in no particular order:

- PEARL JAM, a.k.a. the other Nirvana: These guys were the second runners up to the Grunge throne. I’m not really sure what that means, though. Maybe they would inherit a kingdom of patchouli and flannel. Whatever the throne consists of, these guys were destined to be number 2 despite writing better songs on a technical level and often tackling political issues. Pearl Jam wasn’t whiney and self-indulgent like Nirvana. In fact, there was a masculinity to Eddie Vedder’s vocals that lent some authenticity to what he was doing. But ultimately, Grunge sucked and so did they.

- OASIS, a.ka. the incorrectly dubbed “New Beatles”: I am a huge fan of music from the UK. In fact, I often find it top be superior to music from the U.S., especially in the last 20—25 years. But that doesn’t mean everything out of the UK is great, hence my feelings on the Gallagher brothers known as “Oasis.” I’m not sure why these Brits were hailed as the New Beatles. Their music wasn’t melodious, their vocals were scratchy and annoying and their lyrics were sub-standard at best. I actually had the displeasure of sitting thorough an Oasis concert a few years ago because Travis was their opening act and it was horrible. This was a band that received much undeserved praise, especially considering how many of their contemporaries were superior them in ever way.


- SOUNDGARDEN: To say I despised this band and its lead singer might be a bit of an understatement…if not for the fact that it’s true. Nothing rankles my beanbag more than some pretentious nitwit troweling out terrible lyrics in the name of meaningfulness. Talk about your latch-on hacks. If you go back far enough, you will see a very different Soundgarden. Back then, Cornell was part of a substandard heavy metal act with a sparse following. But when Grunge hit, he suddenly became the most angst-ridden, warbling, angry loner like, ever! Songs like “Blackhole Sun” with its nonsensical title might have impressed the kiddies but the rest of us saw right through it. “Spoon Man” was even dumber. Now Cornell regularly serves as a living reminder that he fronts a terrible remade version of Rage Against the Machine, one of the better bands of the Nineties.


- KORN: a.k.a. The guys who told the other bands to “Follow the leader.” Into what, exactly? Mediocrity? Sophomoric garbage that would’ve never been popular if other more talented bands had been given airplay? Macho posturing of the sort we though we’d seen the end of in the Eighties? Does following the leader involve waiting until all the popular bands have self-destructed or lost their edge to exploit an opening in the market? If so, this was the great fucking band ever!!!

- LIMP BIZKITT: a.k.a. The first punk/rap band to use a midget as lead-singer. It was amazing watching the cute little guy cavort around with his little hands gripped around his little MIC and act like he was all big and bad and from the streets by way of the US Navy. The Biscuit came along, like Korn, at the perfect time to exploit an enormous gap between prior and next musical movement. Basically after Grunge and before suburban white kids latched firmly onto hip hop, rap/metal was the king of rock. Some of it was pretty good, and some of it was Limp Bizkitt. Low-brow, inane, lacking in any artistic merit or guilty pleasure pop appeal, these guys drove a rusty nail into the skull of a musical form that was limited at best. Stupidest moment: Remaking George Michael’s “Faith” as a screaming punk anthem with swears while missing the fact that the song was funny enough in its original incarnation.


- STONE TEMPLE PILOTS: Of the overall toilet that was the early to mid Nineties, this was a band that often shone brighter than the other turds. That is by no means an insult. They were actually pretty damn good. Of all the Grunge-ites, STP (Named so that they could use the gas station logo, according to myth) employed actual rhythms and scales to their music while still maintaining cred with the angst-ridden fans.

- NINE INCH NAILS, a.k.a. “My ex-girlfriend is a total bitch:" Although they technically began in the Eighties, NIN’s decade was the self-loathing Nineties. By turning his horrible luck at relationships into a cottage industry, Trent Reznor was able to write some of the best music of the decade. Industrial music purists loved to argue that NIN wasn’t that style of music, but whatever it was, it was much better than most of the other crap coming out around the same time. In fact, NIN continues to record great work even now.

More to cum in the future~