With the supposedly impending departure of the Aussie from Hell, Dude is quickly finding out who he can trust and who he can’t. As reported previously, the Aussie’s stunningly psychotic and inappropriate behavior resulted in an unexpected (for her) alienating of Dude’s mom who had till then been madly in love with her.
Like any real mom, she drew the line when this relative stranger started insulting her won because he didn’t want her to be included in his niece’s christening. I didn’t know what was said at the tem but now I know what he mom said to her.
“That’s my son you’re insulting,” she said.
“Well, he’s such a horrible person, mate!” she probably said while crying. “He keeps sayin’ g’day to me face like I’m some kinda wounded kangaroo!” (Or words to the effect)
“Well, what have you learned from this?” his mom said. “I need to know what you’ve learned from this experience. Is this something you’re going to keep doing or have you learned your lesson?”
Need I mention she was lecturing a woman who’s probably no more than ten years younger than her?
Most people would’ve taken that experience and said, “Yeah. What the hell is my problem? This guy’s an asshole and a loser. Why am I humiliating myself?”
But most people ain’t the Aussie. She simply switched over to Dude’s evil step-mom and spineless father. His step-mom, herself a psychopathic manipulatrix, has unconditional love for the shaved moose from Down Under. Apparently, whatever this bitch says goes so the dad loves her too…he left his much more attractive ex-wife for this bleach blond whore, so now you have an idea of the kind of guy he is.
Heartbroken over the Aussie’s impending departure, they decided to have a huge going-away meal for her. For some reason, Dude’s dumb (self) went too. This guy makes more elementary mistakes than any guy I’ve seen since I was in my early twenties. Who cares about keeping the peace? There’s no peace to be kept! This is a flat-out betrayal and needs to be dealt with accordingly.
Dude seems incapable of adaptation. He goes along to get along while at the same time alienating the fuck out of every other person he meets. He has an enormous chip on his shoulder and an unconvincing sense of entitlement but when he meets his match, which often happens, he becomes little more than a drone. That explains why he just sat at the dinner table and allowed himself to be ignored, disregarded and disrespected.
Keep in mind this is second hand testimony, but the way it was explained to me is as follows: His father and step-mom basically ignored him the entire night, fawning all over the Aussie as if she was the second coming of Paul Hogan. They went on and on about how much they’re going to miss her and how she better believe they were planning a trip to Australia. Dude’s step-mom went on and on about her own children who are successful and made snide comments about not practicing safe *** in a rather blatant reference to Dude’s single mom sister…IN FRONT OF HIS DAD, WHO SAID NOTHING!
Dude also said nothing. He resents the fact that they throw their “opulent” lifestyle in his face while knowing he’s hurting. Why should that matter right now? What should matter right now is the fact that an insane woman has turned members of his own family against him in less than two months! Oh, you forgot that part, didn’t you? She just got here at the end of July!
Are his familial relationships so precarious and fragile that they can be disrupted and destroyed so easily? This can only mean one of two things: Either his family is comprised of the stupidest people who ever lived, or they really don’t care for Dude very much. I can understand that; he’s not a likable guy at all and even when one starts thinking he might not be so bad, he does or says something to remind us what an asshole he is. But for your immediate family to choose a stranger about whom they know nothing over you is about as bas as it gets. That kind of behavior is only excusable to me if the family member is a murderer, thief, child molster, or prosecuting attorney.
On top of that, she got into his Facebook page and went to work on all the high school friends with whom he’d recently reconnected. Dude wouldn’t specify for EFB what she wrote but she said he blushed a lot and said it was so horrible he actually had to cancel his account! So now the people he knew twenty years ago think he’s the worst person since Genghis Khan and his family is divided as far as its loyalties go.
On the plus side, however, she did find a job for him to pursue and pushed him to start being more realistic about his choice of career. He seemed to be the last person in Michigan to realize that real estate is not the market to be in right now. Still, I don’t think cleaning, cooking and job seeking is enough to wipe out lying, scheming and betrayal.
Naturally I had to know what happened Tuesday. I texted dude at about 12:30p.m. and asked if this was the big day. He texted back that he was at the airport doing a happy dance and would talk to me later. Her flight departed at 3:30 and he already had her there!
I guess she kept saying, “Be nice” over and over as they bid each other farewell. Dude replied, “I’m bein’ nice.” Whatever. I would’ve actually strapped her ass to a wheelchair so I could just push her through the metal detectors on her way to the terminal.
As an added bonus, Dude plans to stay in contact with her, presumably to make sure she isn’t with child. He’s also going to ship back the huge amount of stuff she brought with her, including her PC. It would’ve cost her $2000.00 to have it sent back on her own.
Finally, after almost two months of torturous hell, Dude is free of his online nightmare hook-up. Finally he is free to learn his lesson and move on with his life. Finally, he can go meet this new chick he met online who’s really, really hot and he knows she is because she sent pictures…like…the Aussie. Well, this time it’ll work out because…well, because it will!
Don’t you people believe in true love!?
The story continues…
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
THE BEST DUDE UPDATE YET!!!
Here’s how things stand now: Dude’s Aussie love muffin has been busily turning the female members of his family against him by pouring on the charm with equal parts sympathy and domesticity. Furious, Dude decided to shut down emotionally for a while and just let her be as long as she was out of his hair. Big mistake.
The Aussie successfully got his mom, sister and even hated step-mom to put pressure on him to make things work despite his revulsion at her physical appearance and anger over how she misrepresented herself. His dad, not being in possession of the sturdiest spine in history, eventually caved as well.
Outnumbered and outgunned, Dude turned to his “good buddy” Scribe for advice. But Scribe wasn’t interested in talking for a few days and nearly missed out on all the juice. When I finally returned his call, I heard things that actually shocked me.
Dude basically told his family that is they loved her so much they could take her off his hands. As I wrote previously, she refused to return to Australia early because of the expense involved and Dude has no money with which to call her bluff. Besides, she showed no real interest in leaving. This is gumming up the works of Dude’s roommate ad idea because she is squatting in his guest room and Dude is trying to wade through Hurricane Kangaroo so he can go meet his true love, the hottie in Canada he has never met. He sent me pictures. If that is her, I can see why he is so anxious, but considering what happened with this one…well, you get the idea.
When I spoke to Dude on the phone, he told me something I hadn’t anticipated. The Aussie had come to him and told him she’d missed her period and was concerned and frightened. She then let him know she’d told his step-mom about it.
“What the hell were you thinking?” he yelled. “You know I hate that woman!”
“It was just us girls and I needed to tell someone,” she replied.
Dude’s an idiot, by the way, in case you didn’t know. The fact that there are still guys out there that don’t know this is a typical manipulative female tactic is pathetic. She told the step-mom to garner sympathy and further support while sowing the seeds of a grapevine to achieve further backing from his family. Guys like dude still think women are these delicate little things with barely a brain in their heads that couldn’t possibly conspire against them. Dumb ass!!
I asked him how possible he thought this was considering she’s 46 (she looks 56) and he didn’t think it was likely but was scared anyway. He also reminded me of the fact that she has two daughters back home she claims her ex-husband molested even though they chose to stay with him. They are 17-year-old twins and one of them apparently has the mind of a five-year old. Dude happened upon her cell phone one day and saw the following text message string involving the other daughter:
Mom: But (daughter) I love you.
DAUGHTER: Mum, you know what you did and you know what you’re doing.
This is the point where in the movie the foreboding music cues up and the dizzying camerawork starts. If you’ve ever seen the movie “The Step-father” you might understand what it is about her that’s so creepy. Puzzle pieces are starting to fit now. She’s a psychopath and a con artist and Lord knows what else!
The most disturbing part of all this has been Dude’s family’s apparent inability to see through her. I don’t wanna toot my own horn let alone EFB’s, but we could see she was full of it the one and only night we met her. I told Dude I could see the anger in her and he was surprised. “Funny you mention that,” he said. “She’s an extremely negative person. I didn’t think anybody saw it.”
That’s because he’s surrounded by morons! All they see is that she’s cleaned the house some of them once wouldn’t step foot in and made him more domesticated.
I told him to relate it to his family like this…she is running bait & switch con. What she does is lie about basically everything but present the appearance of a lovable, helpful person who really wishes Dude would just open his mind and his heart.
Following that conversation, something even more disturbing occurred a few weeks later. Dude’s sister recently gave birth to a baby girl. At a Labor Day get-together, Dude said the Aussie kept playing with the baby with a glazed look in her eyes and ate tons of red meat. But when I asked him if he got her to take a pregnancy test, he brushed off my question as if it was no big deal. It’s difficult to feel sorry for a guy who panics one moment then acts like it’s noting the next.
However, the following week was his niece’s christening. A big day in a Catholic family, nobody in their right mind would try to throw a monkey wrench into something like that, right? You be the judge.
The Aussie insisted she waned to be part of the Christening and Dude insisted that she not be present for it. He went and bought a card and forbade her to buy any gifts. The Aussie called his mom and started telling her what a horrible person her son was and how she really wanted to go. This time Dude’s mom didn’t fall for the con. In fact, she grew furious and said, How dare you call on an important day like this and insult my son?” Yes, she actually said, "How dare you.”
The Aussie would not be dissuaded, She called Dude’s dad and turned on the waterworks. Picture this part of the movie:
EXTERIOR DUDE’S HOUSE: Dude exits his home, smiling as his mom pulls up. Her expression is strangely tense as he gets in.
CUT TO DUDE’S HOUSE: The Aussie emerges from the side door, carrying an armful of wrapped packages, also smiling as she heads down the driveway.
CLOSE-UP OF DUDE: Where does she think she’s goin’?
CUT TO SHOT OF DUDE’S STREET AS ANOTHER CAR PULLS UP BEHIND THEM: It is Dude’s dad who has come to pick up the Aussie so she can attend the Christening after all!
Do I even need to describe the tension at the Christening as the Aussie literally dumped all the gifts onto Dude’s sister’s lap as he stood there with only a greeting card in hand?
So now the mom is furious, the dad isn’t too happy, and only the evil stepmother still likes her. The other day Dude supposedly purchased some tickets from Expedia.com and the Aussie expressed her desire to return home.
We shall see if she leaves on the 22nd of September.
Stay tuned, vultures. The Greatest Story Ever Bowled might be coming to a head!
The Aussie successfully got his mom, sister and even hated step-mom to put pressure on him to make things work despite his revulsion at her physical appearance and anger over how she misrepresented herself. His dad, not being in possession of the sturdiest spine in history, eventually caved as well.
Outnumbered and outgunned, Dude turned to his “good buddy” Scribe for advice. But Scribe wasn’t interested in talking for a few days and nearly missed out on all the juice. When I finally returned his call, I heard things that actually shocked me.
Dude basically told his family that is they loved her so much they could take her off his hands. As I wrote previously, she refused to return to Australia early because of the expense involved and Dude has no money with which to call her bluff. Besides, she showed no real interest in leaving. This is gumming up the works of Dude’s roommate ad idea because she is squatting in his guest room and Dude is trying to wade through Hurricane Kangaroo so he can go meet his true love, the hottie in Canada he has never met. He sent me pictures. If that is her, I can see why he is so anxious, but considering what happened with this one…well, you get the idea.
When I spoke to Dude on the phone, he told me something I hadn’t anticipated. The Aussie had come to him and told him she’d missed her period and was concerned and frightened. She then let him know she’d told his step-mom about it.
“What the hell were you thinking?” he yelled. “You know I hate that woman!”
“It was just us girls and I needed to tell someone,” she replied.
Dude’s an idiot, by the way, in case you didn’t know. The fact that there are still guys out there that don’t know this is a typical manipulative female tactic is pathetic. She told the step-mom to garner sympathy and further support while sowing the seeds of a grapevine to achieve further backing from his family. Guys like dude still think women are these delicate little things with barely a brain in their heads that couldn’t possibly conspire against them. Dumb ass!!
I asked him how possible he thought this was considering she’s 46 (she looks 56) and he didn’t think it was likely but was scared anyway. He also reminded me of the fact that she has two daughters back home she claims her ex-husband molested even though they chose to stay with him. They are 17-year-old twins and one of them apparently has the mind of a five-year old. Dude happened upon her cell phone one day and saw the following text message string involving the other daughter:
Mom: But (daughter) I love you.
DAUGHTER: Mum, you know what you did and you know what you’re doing.
This is the point where in the movie the foreboding music cues up and the dizzying camerawork starts. If you’ve ever seen the movie “The Step-father” you might understand what it is about her that’s so creepy. Puzzle pieces are starting to fit now. She’s a psychopath and a con artist and Lord knows what else!
The most disturbing part of all this has been Dude’s family’s apparent inability to see through her. I don’t wanna toot my own horn let alone EFB’s, but we could see she was full of it the one and only night we met her. I told Dude I could see the anger in her and he was surprised. “Funny you mention that,” he said. “She’s an extremely negative person. I didn’t think anybody saw it.”
That’s because he’s surrounded by morons! All they see is that she’s cleaned the house some of them once wouldn’t step foot in and made him more domesticated.
I told him to relate it to his family like this…she is running bait & switch con. What she does is lie about basically everything but present the appearance of a lovable, helpful person who really wishes Dude would just open his mind and his heart.
Following that conversation, something even more disturbing occurred a few weeks later. Dude’s sister recently gave birth to a baby girl. At a Labor Day get-together, Dude said the Aussie kept playing with the baby with a glazed look in her eyes and ate tons of red meat. But when I asked him if he got her to take a pregnancy test, he brushed off my question as if it was no big deal. It’s difficult to feel sorry for a guy who panics one moment then acts like it’s noting the next.
However, the following week was his niece’s christening. A big day in a Catholic family, nobody in their right mind would try to throw a monkey wrench into something like that, right? You be the judge.
The Aussie insisted she waned to be part of the Christening and Dude insisted that she not be present for it. He went and bought a card and forbade her to buy any gifts. The Aussie called his mom and started telling her what a horrible person her son was and how she really wanted to go. This time Dude’s mom didn’t fall for the con. In fact, she grew furious and said, How dare you call on an important day like this and insult my son?” Yes, she actually said, "How dare you.”
The Aussie would not be dissuaded, She called Dude’s dad and turned on the waterworks. Picture this part of the movie:
EXTERIOR DUDE’S HOUSE: Dude exits his home, smiling as his mom pulls up. Her expression is strangely tense as he gets in.
CUT TO DUDE’S HOUSE: The Aussie emerges from the side door, carrying an armful of wrapped packages, also smiling as she heads down the driveway.
CLOSE-UP OF DUDE: Where does she think she’s goin’?
CUT TO SHOT OF DUDE’S STREET AS ANOTHER CAR PULLS UP BEHIND THEM: It is Dude’s dad who has come to pick up the Aussie so she can attend the Christening after all!
Do I even need to describe the tension at the Christening as the Aussie literally dumped all the gifts onto Dude’s sister’s lap as he stood there with only a greeting card in hand?
So now the mom is furious, the dad isn’t too happy, and only the evil stepmother still likes her. The other day Dude supposedly purchased some tickets from Expedia.com and the Aussie expressed her desire to return home.
We shall see if she leaves on the 22nd of September.
Stay tuned, vultures. The Greatest Story Ever Bowled might be coming to a head!
Monday, September 7, 2009
SCRIBE IN REVIEW:
This should come as zero surprise, but Dude drank a giant bottle of Hater-ade the other day.
For those who are unaware, the first professional review of my novel, “Dreamers at Infinity’s Core” came out and it was favorable. (http://www.sfrevu.com/php/Review-id.php?id=9524)
This literally could not have come at a better time in my life. Having been beyond depressed for months, being validated by a review in my field was equivalent to being lifted up by unseen forces before I fell off a cliff. “Great success!” as Borat might say.
Did I provide a link? I can’t remember. Just in case, here it is again (http://www.sfrevu.com/php/Review-id.php?id=9524)
I’ll wait until you’ve finished reading it. (Whistling)
Good stuff, huh? The Scribe would have masturbated to it, but there weren’t enough pictures to jumpstart my imagination. Feeling good about myself is a rare experience that usually involves midgets and a giant vat of Wesson Oil, but this was purer, somehow. Naturally, I shared it with everyone I could think of.
The first thing I done was post a note on Facebook so I could tag as many of my friends as possible. Sadly, my goal fell sort due to Facebook’s baffling limitations but I still contacted quite a few people. People from my personal life were contacted via text message and whomever I didn’t get to was contacted by EFB. Congratulatory messages came in one after the other, with one exception. Apparently, some foreigner named Alfonse Packer who may or may not be me bitterly wrote, “Well, look who is big dammit deal. You not boss of Alfonse!”
I thanked him (me) for keeping me (him?) humble.
EFB showed some of my former co-workers the review before she left work for the night. Dude was one of them. He said nothing at first. Others were glad for me. Dude just kept working. He’s a dedicated little soldier, he is.
I called EFB and told her I wanted to celebrate at a nearby bar, where I could imbibe Blue Moon beer, the best got-DAMN beer ever made by the angels in Heaven and their underage love slaves! She agreed and mentioned it to Dude while he was still diligently working on single-handedly restructuring the department he constantly criticizes. Without looking up, he said, “Huh? Celebrate? Why?”
“Um, the BOOK REVIEW?" she said. “Didn’t you get the link I emailed to you?”
Still not looking up, still working hard, dude said, “Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah…I read it...that review thing.”
“Yeah, that fucking chestnut!” she yelled.
He looked at her as if she was insane, still pretending to work. Later that night, Dude expressed a seemingly reluctant happiness for me and a willingness that it all works out. It must have taken one hell of a toll on his ego to do that.
You see, Dude wants to be a writer…and a doctor, fireman and Indian chief. He has attended school in Spain, a prestigious university for people interested in the aeronautics field in the States and spent years as a scuba instructor. But like so many guys I’ve met, deep down he’s always wanted to write a book because he knows none of those other things have any lasting power in the human consciousness. For those of us without kids, a legacy must often be created through art.
Unfortunately for him, but probably fortunately for the two or three readers left in America, he has never sat down and put pen to paper. That hasn’t stopped him from doing the other thing guys like him tend to do…talk as if they are working on a novel. It’s all over his online accounts because he thinks it impresses women.
Memo to dude: It only impresses women when they get to see prime examples of said writing and you eventually wind up with a novel that receives a positive review.
Take Scribe, for instance. Right now every woman reading this is trying to figure out how to get their panties to him for brief sniff inspections. Such is the life of he that toils and creates.
Remember, I thanked Alfonse for keeping me humble, so I performed my humility for the month. Simply put, I’m the shit and cain’t nobody take that away from me except that old bearded white guy in the sky…but until the guy who played Grizzly Addams takes notice of me, I’m safe so fuck it!!!!
And fuck Dude, too, that candy-ass bitch-boy sack of go-nowhere-in-a-hurry monkey shit!
Oh, I think I forgot the link to the review. How silly of me!
(http://www.sfrevu.com/php/Review-id.php?id=9524)
For those who are unaware, the first professional review of my novel, “Dreamers at Infinity’s Core” came out and it was favorable. (http://www.sfrevu.com/php/Review-id.php?id=9524)
This literally could not have come at a better time in my life. Having been beyond depressed for months, being validated by a review in my field was equivalent to being lifted up by unseen forces before I fell off a cliff. “Great success!” as Borat might say.
Did I provide a link? I can’t remember. Just in case, here it is again (http://www.sfrevu.com/php/Review-id.php?id=9524)
I’ll wait until you’ve finished reading it. (Whistling)
Good stuff, huh? The Scribe would have masturbated to it, but there weren’t enough pictures to jumpstart my imagination. Feeling good about myself is a rare experience that usually involves midgets and a giant vat of Wesson Oil, but this was purer, somehow. Naturally, I shared it with everyone I could think of.
The first thing I done was post a note on Facebook so I could tag as many of my friends as possible. Sadly, my goal fell sort due to Facebook’s baffling limitations but I still contacted quite a few people. People from my personal life were contacted via text message and whomever I didn’t get to was contacted by EFB. Congratulatory messages came in one after the other, with one exception. Apparently, some foreigner named Alfonse Packer who may or may not be me bitterly wrote, “Well, look who is big dammit deal. You not boss of Alfonse!”
I thanked him (me) for keeping me (him?) humble.
EFB showed some of my former co-workers the review before she left work for the night. Dude was one of them. He said nothing at first. Others were glad for me. Dude just kept working. He’s a dedicated little soldier, he is.
I called EFB and told her I wanted to celebrate at a nearby bar, where I could imbibe Blue Moon beer, the best got-DAMN beer ever made by the angels in Heaven and their underage love slaves! She agreed and mentioned it to Dude while he was still diligently working on single-handedly restructuring the department he constantly criticizes. Without looking up, he said, “Huh? Celebrate? Why?”
“Um, the BOOK REVIEW?" she said. “Didn’t you get the link I emailed to you?”
Still not looking up, still working hard, dude said, “Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah…I read it...that review thing.”
“Yeah, that fucking chestnut!” she yelled.
He looked at her as if she was insane, still pretending to work. Later that night, Dude expressed a seemingly reluctant happiness for me and a willingness that it all works out. It must have taken one hell of a toll on his ego to do that.
You see, Dude wants to be a writer…and a doctor, fireman and Indian chief. He has attended school in Spain, a prestigious university for people interested in the aeronautics field in the States and spent years as a scuba instructor. But like so many guys I’ve met, deep down he’s always wanted to write a book because he knows none of those other things have any lasting power in the human consciousness. For those of us without kids, a legacy must often be created through art.
Unfortunately for him, but probably fortunately for the two or three readers left in America, he has never sat down and put pen to paper. That hasn’t stopped him from doing the other thing guys like him tend to do…talk as if they are working on a novel. It’s all over his online accounts because he thinks it impresses women.
Memo to dude: It only impresses women when they get to see prime examples of said writing and you eventually wind up with a novel that receives a positive review.
Take Scribe, for instance. Right now every woman reading this is trying to figure out how to get their panties to him for brief sniff inspections. Such is the life of he that toils and creates.
Remember, I thanked Alfonse for keeping me humble, so I performed my humility for the month. Simply put, I’m the shit and cain’t nobody take that away from me except that old bearded white guy in the sky…but until the guy who played Grizzly Addams takes notice of me, I’m safe so fuck it!!!!
And fuck Dude, too, that candy-ass bitch-boy sack of go-nowhere-in-a-hurry monkey shit!
Oh, I think I forgot the link to the review. How silly of me!
(http://www.sfrevu.com/php/Review-id.php?id=9524)
P.S.
Remember my so-called "friend" Ed who sold me out three eyars ago over his fascination with EFB's tits and eventual romantic feelings he thinks nobody can see? He never acknowledged the text message I sent him about the review but was Julio on the Spot when I told him EFB couldn't make it to the plans they'd made last week. Fuck him. More on that later.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
THE WAR CONTINUES...
Some of you might have run across my posts regarding my email wars with EFB’s mindlessly conservative brother, not to be confused with the “freethinking” Libertarian. A few weeks ago EFB posted this little provocative newslink with the following comment:
Gee...something I said Georgie was doing all along. Remember?
Former Bush aide says politics colored US 'terror alert' -
Yahoo! News
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090820/pl_afp/usattackspoliticsridge
Unsurprisingly, her brother responded with typical Republican obfuscation:
Just like Clinton did when he bombed an aspirin factory that provided
pain relief for poor people in Africa and killing innocent people to
refocus the attention from his adulteration between him and Monica?
In 6 months your "progressive" party have blown trillion$ of dollars
with botched programs and turning us into a Socialist nation and THIS is
all you got???
Petty stuff! Petty stuff!
To which the sexiest Scribe you’ve never met replied:
There's nothing "petty" about discussing what previous administrations
hid from the American people. And regardless of current events, this is
a pretty big deal. Any president who would manipulate the "terror
levels" to influence votes is not only committing treason and fraud, he
is also a dictator. We already discussed Clinton 's failings when W took
over so I fail to see why we need to return to 2000...unless, of course,
Republicans are immune to criticism because they haven't been branded
"liberal."
So in six months we have become socialist? Damn! I always knew
capitalism was weak and doomed to eventual failure like all systems that
came before it, but I had no idea it was so easily toppled! Where's my
free stuff?
Look, whether you agree or disagree with the current policies and
programs, the simple fact is that I don't see you protesting this type
of wasteful spending:
http://www.ifamericansknew.org/stats/cost_of_israel.html
Republicans have added nothing to the national discussion except, "I
don't like it! I won't vote for it! Not in a box, not with a fox, etc."
We already know the economy doesn't magically auto-adjust because
capitalism, like socialism, depends too heavily on the significantly
absent goodwill of humankind.
EFB,
Why does your family think you're a Democrat when everybody else knows
you're a conservative? LOL Is it just that not agreeing with everything
makes you one? With that logic, (your other brother) is a liberal too because he doesn't
go along with the Republican party line...
Her brother wrote back:
EFB is NOT a conservative. She may be a right leaning
Liberal but NOT a Conservative. The New York Times (Read "Bias" by
Bernard Goldman) believes it is middle of the road too only because in
New York everyone else is an extreme Liberal and they have the same
views which in there minds is " Main St. America " (but we know better)
so, yes, to EFB's friends she may look Conservative but she is
definitely not! Just the same, Bush was not a Conservative. He was
middle of the road and not even fiscally Conservative and trying to
please both sides and was his biggest downfall.
Republicans are not immune to criticism and over the last 60
years have taken the brunt of abuse from all the Liberal media quite
well. Like Sara Palin's family and Bush has his picture manipulated to
look like Satan, The Joker, Hitler, etc. and no big deal is made but
when it happened to Obama (poster of the joker) the Liberals came
unglued and said how mean spirited the Cons. were and that it was
"dangerous" to the country and bla, bla bla. All fair game until it
happened to them then free speech goes out the window.
Capitalism is only as strong as its people's desires to keep it that way
but, when you have the media in bed with the president painting pretty
pictures to an ignorant public it doesn't take much to sway public
opinion and start "CHANG"ING a system. It worked for Hitler, Stalin and
the rest. A woman I met in Russia said, "A tornado would come into
town and level it but Pravda would report that every thing is fine".
(He loves to bring up Russia because he traveled there to adopt his children) Still, unimpressed, I replied:
The New York Times believes no such thing. Their major conceit is not
considering the expanse of land between the East and West Coasts of any
real importance. Lumping the entire state into a liberal category is
absurd considering how conservative it is everywhere except Manhattan
and Long Island. I've been there. Bernard Goldman is hardly a credible
source as he is a non-objective conservative agitator with an ax to
grind. This reminds me of that time you posted the Rush Limbaugh claim
that a "liberal" journalist was decrying the Democratic party and it
turned out to be well-known Mormon Libertarian science fiction writer
Orson Scott Card.
Republicans do tend to see themselves as immune to criticism and have
not at all dealt with the so-called "liberal media" (owned mostly by
conservatives who censor stories that make sponsors look bad, by the
way) well at all. On the contrary, the rise of right-wing talk radio has
squandered the opportunity to prevent reasonable, dissenting viewpoints
and have descended into hostile, meaningless claptrap.
And I don't know what media outlets you view or listen to, but I
remember a huge furor over those Bush as Alfred E Neuman pics. Not to
mention the Hitler comments that some idiots were making on the Left.
The difference was people actually waited a while before creating these
parodies...Obama hadn't been in office very long before that talk
started. Let's face it: Neither side truly believes in free speech when
it involves comments they don't like. It's just human nature. Everybody
can talk the big game when they're not offended, but soon as a sacred
cow is milked the fighting begins. For the record, Bush does look like
Neuman and Obama does look like the Joker LOL
I agree that Capitalism is only as strong as the desire to keep it that
way but it must be pretty weak to have already been supplanted by
socialism in half a year. The media was in bed with Bush for four years,
too, and it took outsiders to start exposing all the crooked things he
was doing.
Invoking Hitler's name in an online debate instantly ends credibility,
by the way:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin's_law
But it is funny when it happens...
A couple things you wrote I had to reread because I thought they were
typos. The media is reporting the country is divided on Obama's
policies, it's on Yahoo's homepage every day. And Obama hasn't stopped
trying to be bipartisan, which is what has angered far leftists about
him as they realize he's not the liberal they thought he was. But you
write that as if it would be a bad thing, which is odd considering his
predecessor had little to no interest in bipartisanship once his agenda
got rolling.
But I think it's my chain you're pulling. There's no way you actually
think EFB is a liberal. We don't speak for each other but living with
her as long as I have, I know she's a conservative who doesn't blindly
vote for her party. We can't even discuss social movements without her
looking at it from a business standpoint. That ain't a liberal...
The rest of this exchange actually ended relatively well, descending into a bit of self-parody as we hurled “is not” are too” comments at each other.
Gee...something I said Georgie was doing all along. Remember?
Former Bush aide says politics colored US 'terror alert' -
Yahoo! News
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090820/pl_afp/usattackspoliticsridge
Unsurprisingly, her brother responded with typical Republican obfuscation:
Just like Clinton did when he bombed an aspirin factory that provided
pain relief for poor people in Africa and killing innocent people to
refocus the attention from his adulteration between him and Monica?
In 6 months your "progressive" party have blown trillion$ of dollars
with botched programs and turning us into a Socialist nation and THIS is
all you got???
Petty stuff! Petty stuff!
To which the sexiest Scribe you’ve never met replied:
There's nothing "petty" about discussing what previous administrations
hid from the American people. And regardless of current events, this is
a pretty big deal. Any president who would manipulate the "terror
levels" to influence votes is not only committing treason and fraud, he
is also a dictator. We already discussed Clinton 's failings when W took
over so I fail to see why we need to return to 2000...unless, of course,
Republicans are immune to criticism because they haven't been branded
"liberal."
So in six months we have become socialist? Damn! I always knew
capitalism was weak and doomed to eventual failure like all systems that
came before it, but I had no idea it was so easily toppled! Where's my
free stuff?
Look, whether you agree or disagree with the current policies and
programs, the simple fact is that I don't see you protesting this type
of wasteful spending:
http://www.ifamericansknew.org/stats/cost_of_israel.html
Republicans have added nothing to the national discussion except, "I
don't like it! I won't vote for it! Not in a box, not with a fox, etc."
We already know the economy doesn't magically auto-adjust because
capitalism, like socialism, depends too heavily on the significantly
absent goodwill of humankind.
EFB,
Why does your family think you're a Democrat when everybody else knows
you're a conservative? LOL Is it just that not agreeing with everything
makes you one? With that logic, (your other brother) is a liberal too because he doesn't
go along with the Republican party line...
Her brother wrote back:
EFB is NOT a conservative. She may be a right leaning
Liberal but NOT a Conservative. The New York Times (Read "Bias" by
Bernard Goldman) believes it is middle of the road too only because in
New York everyone else is an extreme Liberal and they have the same
views which in there minds is " Main St. America " (but we know better)
so, yes, to EFB's friends she may look Conservative but she is
definitely not! Just the same, Bush was not a Conservative. He was
middle of the road and not even fiscally Conservative and trying to
please both sides and was his biggest downfall.
Republicans are not immune to criticism and over the last 60
years have taken the brunt of abuse from all the Liberal media quite
well. Like Sara Palin's family and Bush has his picture manipulated to
look like Satan, The Joker, Hitler, etc. and no big deal is made but
when it happened to Obama (poster of the joker) the Liberals came
unglued and said how mean spirited the Cons. were and that it was
"dangerous" to the country and bla, bla bla. All fair game until it
happened to them then free speech goes out the window.
Capitalism is only as strong as its people's desires to keep it that way
but, when you have the media in bed with the president painting pretty
pictures to an ignorant public it doesn't take much to sway public
opinion and start "CHANG"ING a system. It worked for Hitler, Stalin and
the rest. A woman I met in Russia said, "A tornado would come into
town and level it but Pravda would report that every thing is fine".
(He loves to bring up Russia because he traveled there to adopt his children) Still, unimpressed, I replied:
The New York Times believes no such thing. Their major conceit is not
considering the expanse of land between the East and West Coasts of any
real importance. Lumping the entire state into a liberal category is
absurd considering how conservative it is everywhere except Manhattan
and Long Island. I've been there. Bernard Goldman is hardly a credible
source as he is a non-objective conservative agitator with an ax to
grind. This reminds me of that time you posted the Rush Limbaugh claim
that a "liberal" journalist was decrying the Democratic party and it
turned out to be well-known Mormon Libertarian science fiction writer
Orson Scott Card.
Republicans do tend to see themselves as immune to criticism and have
not at all dealt with the so-called "liberal media" (owned mostly by
conservatives who censor stories that make sponsors look bad, by the
way) well at all. On the contrary, the rise of right-wing talk radio has
squandered the opportunity to prevent reasonable, dissenting viewpoints
and have descended into hostile, meaningless claptrap.
And I don't know what media outlets you view or listen to, but I
remember a huge furor over those Bush as Alfred E Neuman pics. Not to
mention the Hitler comments that some idiots were making on the Left.
The difference was people actually waited a while before creating these
parodies...Obama hadn't been in office very long before that talk
started. Let's face it: Neither side truly believes in free speech when
it involves comments they don't like. It's just human nature. Everybody
can talk the big game when they're not offended, but soon as a sacred
cow is milked the fighting begins. For the record, Bush does look like
Neuman and Obama does look like the Joker LOL
I agree that Capitalism is only as strong as the desire to keep it that
way but it must be pretty weak to have already been supplanted by
socialism in half a year. The media was in bed with Bush for four years,
too, and it took outsiders to start exposing all the crooked things he
was doing.
Invoking Hitler's name in an online debate instantly ends credibility,
by the way:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin's_law
But it is funny when it happens...
A couple things you wrote I had to reread because I thought they were
typos. The media is reporting the country is divided on Obama's
policies, it's on Yahoo's homepage every day. And Obama hasn't stopped
trying to be bipartisan, which is what has angered far leftists about
him as they realize he's not the liberal they thought he was. But you
write that as if it would be a bad thing, which is odd considering his
predecessor had little to no interest in bipartisanship once his agenda
got rolling.
But I think it's my chain you're pulling. There's no way you actually
think EFB is a liberal. We don't speak for each other but living with
her as long as I have, I know she's a conservative who doesn't blindly
vote for her party. We can't even discuss social movements without her
looking at it from a business standpoint. That ain't a liberal...
The rest of this exchange actually ended relatively well, descending into a bit of self-parody as we hurled “is not” are too” comments at each other.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
TIRED...
I don’t know about the rest of ya’ll, but I am tired of being fucked with.
I am tired of reality being fluid. I am tired of constantly being encouraged and discouraged in the same breath. I am tired of waking up and wishing I knew why I didn’t just stay asleep.
It is tiring to walk through life, pretending I don’t see it for what it is. It is exhausting to deal with the constant lies that cannot be overcome. I am tired of caring so much and being ridiculed for it.
What am I talking about? If you have to ask…well, you should know the rest. But for those of you who get it or will get it, welcome to whatever this is.
2009 has been a year of revelations for me. One wake-up call after another has assailed me until I have had no choice except to stop, reflect and come to some rather uncomfortable conclusions that I will not share at this time.
The important thing is that I’ve come to realize some things do indeed happen for a reason, whether I like it or not. And contrary to what many say, it doesn’t really matter why. It might matter whether or not there’s a purpose behind the reason, but I really couldn’t give less of a fat fickle fuck. It all ends up in the same place.
I am tired. I look in the mirror and see a wasted life staring back at me with its hollow eyes and dead expression. Sometimes I try to tell myself it’s an imposter, some thing that decided to sneak in under cover of night and replace the real reflection that still had life in its eyes. If it were alive, my newer reflection would laugh its ass off at my desperation.
I am empty. There are only so many things in this life that matter and I have exhausted all but the ones that wouldn’t do anything for me even if I tried them. I can only write so much or read so much. Music is now lost to me, having become relegated to little more than background noise while I’m driving or writing. Movies are great but half the time I wind up watching films from my youth that cause me to lose it at least once before they’re over. Too many holes, not enough stuff to fill them. I won’t even mention sex because I’d have to dig too deeply into my memory banks.
I am burned out. This constant onslaught of mindless conformity is overwhelming. Having to constantly endure harsh criticism because I don’t fit in and never wanted to is taking its toll. Not having someone at your side to back you up when you start to doubt isn’t always necessary but it sure as hell helps when you’ve fallen as far as I have! I cannot continue to piss uphill against a typhoon and tell myself I’m making good progress.
And more than anything else, I’m tired of my life being at the mercy of fucking morons who spout party line and company rhetoric as if it’s the most meaningful motherfucking thing in the world. I’m tired of pseudo-intellectual pieces of shit rationalizing insanity and expecting me to nod my head like a good little drone and say, “Amen.” On that note I’m tired of antiquated religions dictating policy and I’m tired of partisan whores running everything into the ground. I’m sick to death of glassy-eyed soccer moms and their equally self-absorbed breadwinner husbands acting as if they’re the only ones that are relevant. I’m also tired of their (hood 'rat counterparts who think looking pissed off all the time and acting as ignorantly as possible will show everybody how much they don’t give a fuck. I’m tired of being alone in a crowd and I’m tired of crowds in general because they’ve come to symbolize human desperation. I’m fucking tired of TV telling me what to fear and who to trust and I’m tired of the Internets giving voice to people like me who just want somebody to hear them and tell them what they think and feel and have to say matters!!!
I’m sorry. I’m just really, really tired.
Don’t mind me~
I am tired of reality being fluid. I am tired of constantly being encouraged and discouraged in the same breath. I am tired of waking up and wishing I knew why I didn’t just stay asleep.
It is tiring to walk through life, pretending I don’t see it for what it is. It is exhausting to deal with the constant lies that cannot be overcome. I am tired of caring so much and being ridiculed for it.
What am I talking about? If you have to ask…well, you should know the rest. But for those of you who get it or will get it, welcome to whatever this is.
2009 has been a year of revelations for me. One wake-up call after another has assailed me until I have had no choice except to stop, reflect and come to some rather uncomfortable conclusions that I will not share at this time.
The important thing is that I’ve come to realize some things do indeed happen for a reason, whether I like it or not. And contrary to what many say, it doesn’t really matter why. It might matter whether or not there’s a purpose behind the reason, but I really couldn’t give less of a fat fickle fuck. It all ends up in the same place.
I am tired. I look in the mirror and see a wasted life staring back at me with its hollow eyes and dead expression. Sometimes I try to tell myself it’s an imposter, some thing that decided to sneak in under cover of night and replace the real reflection that still had life in its eyes. If it were alive, my newer reflection would laugh its ass off at my desperation.
I am empty. There are only so many things in this life that matter and I have exhausted all but the ones that wouldn’t do anything for me even if I tried them. I can only write so much or read so much. Music is now lost to me, having become relegated to little more than background noise while I’m driving or writing. Movies are great but half the time I wind up watching films from my youth that cause me to lose it at least once before they’re over. Too many holes, not enough stuff to fill them. I won’t even mention sex because I’d have to dig too deeply into my memory banks.
I am burned out. This constant onslaught of mindless conformity is overwhelming. Having to constantly endure harsh criticism because I don’t fit in and never wanted to is taking its toll. Not having someone at your side to back you up when you start to doubt isn’t always necessary but it sure as hell helps when you’ve fallen as far as I have! I cannot continue to piss uphill against a typhoon and tell myself I’m making good progress.
And more than anything else, I’m tired of my life being at the mercy of fucking morons who spout party line and company rhetoric as if it’s the most meaningful motherfucking thing in the world. I’m tired of pseudo-intellectual pieces of shit rationalizing insanity and expecting me to nod my head like a good little drone and say, “Amen.” On that note I’m tired of antiquated religions dictating policy and I’m tired of partisan whores running everything into the ground. I’m sick to death of glassy-eyed soccer moms and their equally self-absorbed breadwinner husbands acting as if they’re the only ones that are relevant. I’m also tired of their (hood 'rat counterparts who think looking pissed off all the time and acting as ignorantly as possible will show everybody how much they don’t give a fuck. I’m tired of being alone in a crowd and I’m tired of crowds in general because they’ve come to symbolize human desperation. I’m fucking tired of TV telling me what to fear and who to trust and I’m tired of the Internets giving voice to people like me who just want somebody to hear them and tell them what they think and feel and have to say matters!!!
I’m sorry. I’m just really, really tired.
Don’t mind me~
Friday, August 28, 2009
***DUDE UPDATE***
As I mentioned previously, I like to wait a while before posting Dude updates because that way I can compile all the information into one grand slam post. This time I am confident you’ll agree it was worth the wait:
Since the Aussie pig arrived, Dude has been bitter about the fact that his Internet dream girl turned out to be an old-looking, sloppy, shapeless mess. Understandable. But she was either oblivious or unconcerned as far as his revulsion went and proceeded to carve out a niche for herself in Dude’s life. She cooked gourmet meals, befriended his female family members and paid some of his bills.
Now, before you go getting’ all self-righteous, that was the arrangement they made. The whole purpose of her coming to the U.S. was to not only become his woman but also to help out financially. They were also supposed to get married…sight unseen. Her contention was that if they were going to take this huge step involving at least one of them leaving their country for the other, marriage had to be a distinct possibility. I imagine him holding the phone in one hand, his **** in the other while looking at the pictures she’d sent him claiming they were her and saying, “OK!”
Dude can’t get past the fact that she lied about her appearance. As he put it, “What you guys saw in clothes was nothing. It doesn’t even come close to how she looks naked!" After the initial lovemaking ran its course, Dude refused to do anything with her up to and including cuddling. Within the space of a few weeks, they’ve become like two roommates.
He comes home to a woman he finds physically repulsive watching reality TV shows he finds equally disgusting. He goes into his bedroom and watches TV while she stays in the guest bedroom because his snoring keeps her awake. During a fight, she went on his computer and removed all images of her from his C-Drive. Hmm, it’s almost as if she’s erasing any history of her lies so that she has a better case for herself if he tries to make her leave and involves the law.
Here’s where Dude fucked up. He pledged the possibility of marriage to a woman he’d only met through long-distance means. He believed the photos she sent him were her. He did no research on this woman before she arrived, choosing to trust every word out of her mouth. He set it up so that she would be staying with him for 90 days and did not make her sleep in a different room when she arrived because he saw them as being in a relationship. They did the dirt deed her fist there not once but several gut-wrenching times. He allowed her to meet his family within a week of her arrival, providing plenty of opportunity for her to schmooze his female relatives who now love her. And he let her pay bills, probably with a credit card that shows a history of payment.
She’s no idiot. She knows exactly what she’s doing and Dude’s mom and sister must be the biggest tools since…well, since him! He took her with him to Northern Michigan so she could meet everybody at his family reunion a week after she got here. She has gone out with his mom and sister to hair appointments and to get their nails done, not to mention shopping. She’s such a contrast to his wife (still not technically his ex) that they are over-compensating for the fact that she is able to talk and function in social situations. They love her so much that they have tried to convince Dude to make it work as long as he can get her to admit she lied about how she looks. His dad, the lone voice in the wilderness, says no way in Hell. But his dad is weak-willed and she is working on his new wife who despises Dude but loves her.
Dude ain’t havin’ it. Not only is he furious over her lies, he knows he will never find her attractive no matter how well they get long. He doesn’t think he should be forced to settle…I guess he has a lot to offer. Besides, there’s this really hot chick in Canada who just became interested in him. He knows she’s hot ‘cause she sent him pictures of herself.
So, the other day Dude decided it was time to take a stand. He told the Aussie he didn’t want a relationship with her and was still angry because of how she’d misrepresented herself. They got into a screaming fight over this where she repeated, “I’ve done nothing wrong” so many times it started to freak him out. I can see why. She either really doesn’t believe she looks that radically different from the pictures or she doesn’t care because she had now set up a nest and nothing is going to change that. Either way, she insisted she wasn’t going anymore.
Dude has finally decided to heed EFB’s advice from months ago and advertise for a paying roommate. Sadly, he can’t do that with her occupying his guest room. Like his wife before her, the Aussie spends all day in that room sulking. Unlike his wife, she spends a lot of time hanging with his mom and sister and winning them over. But it’s not all about sadness. She too is taking a stand. She told him she’s not leaving.
She also told him she’s not paying the speeding ticket she got up north when she was driving his vehicle on her permit. According to her, it’s too expensive once she does the exchange rate on the money. Besides, she is running low on funds thanks to all the grocery buying she’s done. “That’s because you always wanna cook gourmet meals!”
Oh, didn’t I tell you? She invited the mom and sister over and made them a gourmet meal. And he allowed this why? Would you have done the same? I wouldn’t have. Shit, EFB felt uncomfortable getting milk out of my refrigerator for months and she met my family for the first time at my aunt’s funeral! And we had actually met in person! Yes, I’m an asshole but I play it safe in this increasingly dangerous world.
Dude’s a wus. He’s letting this domineering, troll-like marsupial run roughshod over his ***. He is arguing with her and telling her no way but he’s not bringing the hammer down so she still thinks they can work it out. To be fair, we can’t blame her. This is a person’s life we’re discussing here and Dude’s only reason for not wanting to be with her is the way she looks…oh, and she lied about it. At what point does righteous indignation became superficiality?
Still, there’s a functional component here. Dude needs money and a paying tenant would help out immensely. She is potentially stopping that from happening. Now Dude has an ad on the bulletin board at the college where he works that might not be worth posting and he’s trapped in an awkward situation, angry because she won’t talk to him yet this is what he was aiming for the whole time.
On a personal note, I wish some human pile of hog-slop would tell me she wasn’t leaving my house! Imagine the unmitigated gall, the temerity, the…other shitI can’t summon words for at the moment! I’d be all like, “No, you di’iiinnnnttttt!” It would take all my self-control to keep Thunder & Lighting holstered in my pockets! Lets do what I know you people love to see me do most…ROLEPLAY SCENARIO TIIIMMMMEEEEE!!!
She: I did nothing wrong, mate! Get outta me way so I can throw another shrimp on the Barbie!
Me: What do you mean you did nothing wrong? You sent me pictures of someone with a hot body and you showed up lookin’ like you ate her!
She: I did nothing wrong! G’day!
Me: G’day? Bitch, you won’t be seeing a good day until you return to the land of kangaroos!
She: I’m not going anywhere! We can work this out!
Me: Indeed? Make sure you tell the hotel manager that when he asks you for a credit card ‘cause you outta heah!!!
Or, you know, words to that effect. Stay tuned, dearest vultures. They still have about two months to go and he’s planning to take a trip to Canada to meet the other chick within the week!
Isn’t this just the bestiest???
Since the Aussie pig arrived, Dude has been bitter about the fact that his Internet dream girl turned out to be an old-looking, sloppy, shapeless mess. Understandable. But she was either oblivious or unconcerned as far as his revulsion went and proceeded to carve out a niche for herself in Dude’s life. She cooked gourmet meals, befriended his female family members and paid some of his bills.
Now, before you go getting’ all self-righteous, that was the arrangement they made. The whole purpose of her coming to the U.S. was to not only become his woman but also to help out financially. They were also supposed to get married…sight unseen. Her contention was that if they were going to take this huge step involving at least one of them leaving their country for the other, marriage had to be a distinct possibility. I imagine him holding the phone in one hand, his **** in the other while looking at the pictures she’d sent him claiming they were her and saying, “OK!”
Dude can’t get past the fact that she lied about her appearance. As he put it, “What you guys saw in clothes was nothing. It doesn’t even come close to how she looks naked!" After the initial lovemaking ran its course, Dude refused to do anything with her up to and including cuddling. Within the space of a few weeks, they’ve become like two roommates.
He comes home to a woman he finds physically repulsive watching reality TV shows he finds equally disgusting. He goes into his bedroom and watches TV while she stays in the guest bedroom because his snoring keeps her awake. During a fight, she went on his computer and removed all images of her from his C-Drive. Hmm, it’s almost as if she’s erasing any history of her lies so that she has a better case for herself if he tries to make her leave and involves the law.
Here’s where Dude fucked up. He pledged the possibility of marriage to a woman he’d only met through long-distance means. He believed the photos she sent him were her. He did no research on this woman before she arrived, choosing to trust every word out of her mouth. He set it up so that she would be staying with him for 90 days and did not make her sleep in a different room when she arrived because he saw them as being in a relationship. They did the dirt deed her fist there not once but several gut-wrenching times. He allowed her to meet his family within a week of her arrival, providing plenty of opportunity for her to schmooze his female relatives who now love her. And he let her pay bills, probably with a credit card that shows a history of payment.
She’s no idiot. She knows exactly what she’s doing and Dude’s mom and sister must be the biggest tools since…well, since him! He took her with him to Northern Michigan so she could meet everybody at his family reunion a week after she got here. She has gone out with his mom and sister to hair appointments and to get their nails done, not to mention shopping. She’s such a contrast to his wife (still not technically his ex) that they are over-compensating for the fact that she is able to talk and function in social situations. They love her so much that they have tried to convince Dude to make it work as long as he can get her to admit she lied about how she looks. His dad, the lone voice in the wilderness, says no way in Hell. But his dad is weak-willed and she is working on his new wife who despises Dude but loves her.
Dude ain’t havin’ it. Not only is he furious over her lies, he knows he will never find her attractive no matter how well they get long. He doesn’t think he should be forced to settle…I guess he has a lot to offer. Besides, there’s this really hot chick in Canada who just became interested in him. He knows she’s hot ‘cause she sent him pictures of herself.
So, the other day Dude decided it was time to take a stand. He told the Aussie he didn’t want a relationship with her and was still angry because of how she’d misrepresented herself. They got into a screaming fight over this where she repeated, “I’ve done nothing wrong” so many times it started to freak him out. I can see why. She either really doesn’t believe she looks that radically different from the pictures or she doesn’t care because she had now set up a nest and nothing is going to change that. Either way, she insisted she wasn’t going anymore.
Dude has finally decided to heed EFB’s advice from months ago and advertise for a paying roommate. Sadly, he can’t do that with her occupying his guest room. Like his wife before her, the Aussie spends all day in that room sulking. Unlike his wife, she spends a lot of time hanging with his mom and sister and winning them over. But it’s not all about sadness. She too is taking a stand. She told him she’s not leaving.
She also told him she’s not paying the speeding ticket she got up north when she was driving his vehicle on her permit. According to her, it’s too expensive once she does the exchange rate on the money. Besides, she is running low on funds thanks to all the grocery buying she’s done. “That’s because you always wanna cook gourmet meals!”
Oh, didn’t I tell you? She invited the mom and sister over and made them a gourmet meal. And he allowed this why? Would you have done the same? I wouldn’t have. Shit, EFB felt uncomfortable getting milk out of my refrigerator for months and she met my family for the first time at my aunt’s funeral! And we had actually met in person! Yes, I’m an asshole but I play it safe in this increasingly dangerous world.
Dude’s a wus. He’s letting this domineering, troll-like marsupial run roughshod over his ***. He is arguing with her and telling her no way but he’s not bringing the hammer down so she still thinks they can work it out. To be fair, we can’t blame her. This is a person’s life we’re discussing here and Dude’s only reason for not wanting to be with her is the way she looks…oh, and she lied about it. At what point does righteous indignation became superficiality?
Still, there’s a functional component here. Dude needs money and a paying tenant would help out immensely. She is potentially stopping that from happening. Now Dude has an ad on the bulletin board at the college where he works that might not be worth posting and he’s trapped in an awkward situation, angry because she won’t talk to him yet this is what he was aiming for the whole time.
On a personal note, I wish some human pile of hog-slop would tell me she wasn’t leaving my house! Imagine the unmitigated gall, the temerity, the…other shitI can’t summon words for at the moment! I’d be all like, “No, you di’iiinnnnttttt!” It would take all my self-control to keep Thunder & Lighting holstered in my pockets! Lets do what I know you people love to see me do most…ROLEPLAY SCENARIO TIIIMMMMEEEEE!!!
She: I did nothing wrong, mate! Get outta me way so I can throw another shrimp on the Barbie!
Me: What do you mean you did nothing wrong? You sent me pictures of someone with a hot body and you showed up lookin’ like you ate her!
She: I did nothing wrong! G’day!
Me: G’day? Bitch, you won’t be seeing a good day until you return to the land of kangaroos!
She: I’m not going anywhere! We can work this out!
Me: Indeed? Make sure you tell the hotel manager that when he asks you for a credit card ‘cause you outta heah!!!
Or, you know, words to that effect. Stay tuned, dearest vultures. They still have about two months to go and he’s planning to take a trip to Canada to meet the other chick within the week!
Isn’t this just the bestiest???
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
ADVENTURES WITH THE "N" WORD.
I think it’s safe to assume that most of you reading this don’t have any direct experience with being a bi-racial man in America. It’s a unique one, especially for someone like me who came out of the womb looking more white than black. My physical appearance has afforded me certain levels of access to the secret conversations of racist white Americans that no person of color is ever going to hear unless they’re hiding and eavesdropping.
The reason I don’t mention being privy to the secret conversations of blacks is because they don’t tend to keep what they think about race to themselves. One of the “virtues” of being a minority, I suppose, is being able to openly discuss these viewpoints, no matter how fucked up many of them are.
I am the ideal double agent. I can get in unnoticed and report back what I heard. I do this sometimes mainly because I can’t stand the idea that these smug, racist pricks think they’re getting away with these comments. The real irony is that while sometimes I hear this stuff because nobody knows what I am, I also hear a lot of it from people who know exactly what I am. This baffled me until I realized it was happening for one of two reasons: (1) Convenient memory loss, during which the bigot in question overlooks or forgets what I am because it makes him more comfortable. (2) They want me to agree with them so a minority can validate their views.
Every once in a while I get labeled “one of the good ones.” As grateful as I am for such a high status in the echelons of these goddam bigots, that designation can be revoked at the slightest change in the racist’s comfort level. As the stupid woman asked my mom in a panicky voice before I was born, “WHO WILL HE DATE???” She replied, “Whoever he wants.” But she forgot to add, “But if her parents are racists, he better be prepared.” That goes for both races, by the way.
Sometime last week, EFB’s mom made comments of such a horrible and repulsive nature that it took everything I had not to pick up my phone and light into her decrepit ass. As is often the case with her, it was a seemingly unprovoked verbal onslaught that came out of nowhere and ruined an otherwise good time she and her daughter were having. Why do I say “seemingly unprovoked?” Because I know how her so-called mind works, and she knows I do which distresses her even more.
According to EFB, her mother loves me. I don’t believe that but she does so I don’t bother disputing it. See, I refuse to believe in a love that’s based on the “If Only” Principle. That’s what I call it when someone says, “You would be one of my favorite people, if only you were all white/black, etc.” You can’t love someone you consider not good enough; hence there is no love there. Fondness, perhaps, akin to what one would feel for someone else’s child or pet.
The two of them have had fights in the past regarding my racial impurity and the tiny chance of us having a child that does not appear white. I’m not used to hearing this kind of talk so I just kind of listened as EFB related it and stored it away for future reference. Don’t get me wrong: I know these conversations take place but having mostly dated women of color, I didn’t have to deal with it head-on. Technically, I still haven’t.
Fair warning: The language in this next part is going to get pretty harsh and uncomfortable. If I’m writing that, you know it’s gotta be pretty damn bad!
***You can stop here or read on, it's up to thee.***
For whatever reason, EFB's mom called her a "nigger." This wasn't the first time she's used this word, but it was the first time she qualified it by explaining she was using the word not to mean black people specifically but for its original meaning. Apparently she thinks nigger means a stupid person, which is the accepted definition of the word by both blacks and whites in the U.S. In actuality, the word's origin is simple according to Dave Wilton, an independent researcher in historical linguistics, etymology, and slang origins. It was originally the Latin word for "black" and did not become a word associated with derogatory usage until the Nineteenth Century when "polite white society" deemed it a classless term utilized by the white under-class.
So, not only is EFB's mom a racist, she's also ignorant & classless...a perfect Fox News demographic if ever there was one. But she didn't stop at calling her daughter a nigger, yet another in a long line of horrific insults that include "Latin trailer trash" for wearing a scarf on her head one day. She went on to include me in a way that finally confirmed something I've been telling EFB about her for years.
What she said basically was that I was acceptable because of the way I look (i.e. white) and that she liked me personally. Basically, I'm one of the "good ones." Contrary to what some ghetto-ass blacks may think of me because I speak well and don't bump hip hop from my too-cool Ford Taurus Wagon, I am far from being an Uncle Tom. I have no desire to be viewed by mainstream white society as an "acceptable one" any more than my mom did when a woman in our neighborhood canvassing for a Republican candidate said, "You seem like a responsible one" as if it were a compliment.
Despite my "good one" status, she issued a warning ---yes, a warning--- to her daughter not to even consider conceiving a child with me. Why this is even a topic of conversation if beyond me but I digress. What she said basically was that if she did have a child and it came out looking black (which is highly unlikely) she would have nothing to do with it and that it would be shunned by their family.
Oh, noooo! My child could be shunned by people I can't stand that stand for things I despise? What's next? Skinheads won't let it in to their rallies? What the fuck, you stupid old bitch? Are you so arrogant and mired in your white superiority that you actually think I'd be upset about that? Or was it just EFB you're trying to upset?
Considering she told her daughter not to mention these things to me in order to spare my feelings, I gots to go wit option one.
The likelihood of a guy who is mixed by way of an all-white dad and a mixed mom having a black-looking kid with an all-white female is pretty low. At most, it might come out looking Mediterranean or something. That brings me to my next point.
In a fit of blind rage, EFB asked her mom why she would be upset about this but not about her half-Jewish grandsons. Actually, she said, "Then you better stop acknowledging those two sand-niggers your other daughter gave birth to!" Now, I'm all for using appropriate shock value on an ancient racist, but this went a bit further than I thought necessary. Still, it had its desired effect and the two of them didn't speak for nearly a week.
It turns out her mom is nothing if not consistent. She did indeed give her other daughter a hard time for marrying a Jew who, incidentally, is an unbelievably racist, sexist, anti-gentile motherfucker. Another daughter was read the riot act for dating a Jewish genius as well. She was even upset because her one daughter married a guy who was half-IRISH! She sees them as some different group entirely.
A part of me wants so badly to knock EFB up. Nothing would make me smile bigger than a brown baby telling her to fuck off before she gets too old to know what's happening. But I don't believe in using children as social experiments.
Too bad~
The reason I don’t mention being privy to the secret conversations of blacks is because they don’t tend to keep what they think about race to themselves. One of the “virtues” of being a minority, I suppose, is being able to openly discuss these viewpoints, no matter how fucked up many of them are.
I am the ideal double agent. I can get in unnoticed and report back what I heard. I do this sometimes mainly because I can’t stand the idea that these smug, racist pricks think they’re getting away with these comments. The real irony is that while sometimes I hear this stuff because nobody knows what I am, I also hear a lot of it from people who know exactly what I am. This baffled me until I realized it was happening for one of two reasons: (1) Convenient memory loss, during which the bigot in question overlooks or forgets what I am because it makes him more comfortable. (2) They want me to agree with them so a minority can validate their views.
Every once in a while I get labeled “one of the good ones.” As grateful as I am for such a high status in the echelons of these goddam bigots, that designation can be revoked at the slightest change in the racist’s comfort level. As the stupid woman asked my mom in a panicky voice before I was born, “WHO WILL HE DATE???” She replied, “Whoever he wants.” But she forgot to add, “But if her parents are racists, he better be prepared.” That goes for both races, by the way.
Sometime last week, EFB’s mom made comments of such a horrible and repulsive nature that it took everything I had not to pick up my phone and light into her decrepit ass. As is often the case with her, it was a seemingly unprovoked verbal onslaught that came out of nowhere and ruined an otherwise good time she and her daughter were having. Why do I say “seemingly unprovoked?” Because I know how her so-called mind works, and she knows I do which distresses her even more.
According to EFB, her mother loves me. I don’t believe that but she does so I don’t bother disputing it. See, I refuse to believe in a love that’s based on the “If Only” Principle. That’s what I call it when someone says, “You would be one of my favorite people, if only you were all white/black, etc.” You can’t love someone you consider not good enough; hence there is no love there. Fondness, perhaps, akin to what one would feel for someone else’s child or pet.
The two of them have had fights in the past regarding my racial impurity and the tiny chance of us having a child that does not appear white. I’m not used to hearing this kind of talk so I just kind of listened as EFB related it and stored it away for future reference. Don’t get me wrong: I know these conversations take place but having mostly dated women of color, I didn’t have to deal with it head-on. Technically, I still haven’t.
Fair warning: The language in this next part is going to get pretty harsh and uncomfortable. If I’m writing that, you know it’s gotta be pretty damn bad!
***You can stop here or read on, it's up to thee.***
For whatever reason, EFB's mom called her a "nigger." This wasn't the first time she's used this word, but it was the first time she qualified it by explaining she was using the word not to mean black people specifically but for its original meaning. Apparently she thinks nigger means a stupid person, which is the accepted definition of the word by both blacks and whites in the U.S. In actuality, the word's origin is simple according to Dave Wilton, an independent researcher in historical linguistics, etymology, and slang origins. It was originally the Latin word for "black" and did not become a word associated with derogatory usage until the Nineteenth Century when "polite white society" deemed it a classless term utilized by the white under-class.
So, not only is EFB's mom a racist, she's also ignorant & classless...a perfect Fox News demographic if ever there was one. But she didn't stop at calling her daughter a nigger, yet another in a long line of horrific insults that include "Latin trailer trash" for wearing a scarf on her head one day. She went on to include me in a way that finally confirmed something I've been telling EFB about her for years.
What she said basically was that I was acceptable because of the way I look (i.e. white) and that she liked me personally. Basically, I'm one of the "good ones." Contrary to what some ghetto-ass blacks may think of me because I speak well and don't bump hip hop from my too-cool Ford Taurus Wagon, I am far from being an Uncle Tom. I have no desire to be viewed by mainstream white society as an "acceptable one" any more than my mom did when a woman in our neighborhood canvassing for a Republican candidate said, "You seem like a responsible one" as if it were a compliment.
Despite my "good one" status, she issued a warning ---yes, a warning--- to her daughter not to even consider conceiving a child with me. Why this is even a topic of conversation if beyond me but I digress. What she said basically was that if she did have a child and it came out looking black (which is highly unlikely) she would have nothing to do with it and that it would be shunned by their family.
Oh, noooo! My child could be shunned by people I can't stand that stand for things I despise? What's next? Skinheads won't let it in to their rallies? What the fuck, you stupid old bitch? Are you so arrogant and mired in your white superiority that you actually think I'd be upset about that? Or was it just EFB you're trying to upset?
Considering she told her daughter not to mention these things to me in order to spare my feelings, I gots to go wit option one.
The likelihood of a guy who is mixed by way of an all-white dad and a mixed mom having a black-looking kid with an all-white female is pretty low. At most, it might come out looking Mediterranean or something. That brings me to my next point.
In a fit of blind rage, EFB asked her mom why she would be upset about this but not about her half-Jewish grandsons. Actually, she said, "Then you better stop acknowledging those two sand-niggers your other daughter gave birth to!" Now, I'm all for using appropriate shock value on an ancient racist, but this went a bit further than I thought necessary. Still, it had its desired effect and the two of them didn't speak for nearly a week.
It turns out her mom is nothing if not consistent. She did indeed give her other daughter a hard time for marrying a Jew who, incidentally, is an unbelievably racist, sexist, anti-gentile motherfucker. Another daughter was read the riot act for dating a Jewish genius as well. She was even upset because her one daughter married a guy who was half-IRISH! She sees them as some different group entirely.
A part of me wants so badly to knock EFB up. Nothing would make me smile bigger than a brown baby telling her to fuck off before she gets too old to know what's happening. But I don't believe in using children as social experiments.
Too bad~
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