Although I'm still sick and miserable and barely able to stand for long periods of time, I feel compelled to list the things for which I am grateful this year. Yes, Thanksgiving is a farce of monolithic proportions fostering lies and half-truths about the evil Pilgrims and their eventual decimation of their so-called "friends." But I already went into that little fireside chat item last year.
This year I have forced myself to have a more positive outlook. At least, more positive for me. So below I have listed what I am thankful for:
- The outcome of the presidential race.
- The fact that I got to see my novel and hold it in my hands.
- That I am still employed in the state with the worst economy in the U.S.
- The fact that I got to find out who my real friends are this year.
- The fact that gas prices have gone down to the point where 20.00 actually comes close to filling my tank.
- The fact that there are people out there who actually enjoy this blog and provide feedback to prove it.
- That my writing workshop continues to meet even after the untimely death of its founder and the later death of her husband.
- The fact that I will soon watch George Dubya & Darth Cheney leave the White House and possibly walk into the court house.
- That DNA determined I would be hung like a Clydesdale.
That last is perhaps the greatest gift of all.
Happy Thanksgiving~
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I HATE BEING SICK
I feel like the shit that shit wipes off its shoe. Stupid sinus infection, I'd kick your ass if you had one!
Til I return, enjoy this pic:
Til I return, enjoy this pic:
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
STEREOTYPES AS METHODS OF WORKPLACE TRAINING?
Where I work, we are in constant training. It’s the nature of the industry. People are constantly demanding newer and more exciting products and we have to be trained on every single one of them. Recently, I took a training for a new PDA that is the major holiday season buzz and failed it like a retard with a drool cup.
We get to retake most tests until we pass them, the logic being that it is better to learn through repetition than to feel like someone who will never get it. As of this writing, I still haven’t passed it, a rare thing for me. But this isn’t about my workplace inadequacies, it’s about something much more fun and spectacular.
This particular training had what I can only refer to as story problems. That’s probably why I failed. I hate those. I don’t like being forced to think inside a small tube, and that’s exactly what those things do. As if that weren’t enough, however, some of the questions were of a rather stereotypical nature. One specifically jumped out at me regarding a man named “Koji” who was a camera enthusiast. His name couldn’t have been Sam or Dave? Sure, part of the question involved international usage, but non-Japanese people do travel to other countries last time I checked the statistics. Ok, I never checked the statistics, but I’m pretty sure I’m right.
There were a few others that weren’t quite as in-yo-face stereotypical, but Koji stood out most. And then I realized something: They might need help making their questions more stereotypical! Maybe the people writing them don’t know all the racial, ethnic and gender-based stereotypes.
Thus, I decided to use my mighty writer’s arsenal to come up five examples for them, pro bono, so the future trainings can be more in line with the Koji example. Observe and be changed for the better:
Jose is an illegal bean farmer who loves to drive ’57 Chevy’s while drinking cerveza and blasting tejano music to the four winds. He needs a phone that can be used across the border as well as in the U.S. so he can coordinate with Hector, the man he’s paying to sneak his family into Texas. What phones would you recommend for his use?
Tyrone owns and operates the Get Down Grits & Greens Restaurant on Martin Luther King, Boulevard and is also a drug dealer. He needs a handset that can be operated hands-free so as to properly enjoy his fried chicken & watermelon while talking to his baby mama’s. What phones would work for him?
Jenny is a former bleach blond rock star groupie and general boy-go-round that decided at the age of 25 she was going to be respectable and landed a rich husband who has no idea about her past. Since she’s prone to marital infidelity and spending large sums of the money her husband brings home on useless crap because it’s on sale, she needs several handsets so as not to get caught. What phones would work for her?
Sydney Weintraub is a real estate broker and a slumlord that also holds membership in the Hollywood elite. Because of his utter ruthlessness in business and total disregard for anyone who isn’t Jewish, Sydney needs instant access to his financial records in order to properly evict indigent families from their homes. Which handsets would give him the ability to destroy lives and enjoy it since he is of the devil?
Cletus is a NASCAR and beer enthusiast who is constantly on the go in his pickup salvaging trash in the front yards of rich people. His overall disdain and envy for them causes him to “work” late hours in order to get whatever he thinks he’s entitled to. As a result, he needs a handset that can take pictures of the trash to send to his wife Raeleen so she can evaluate its worth as well as something he can use to text so he can give the trash pix names like, “This here’s a right purdy sofa bed, ain’t it?” What would you recommend?
Let me know if I missed anyone. I would hate for anyone to feel disrespected in any way…
We get to retake most tests until we pass them, the logic being that it is better to learn through repetition than to feel like someone who will never get it. As of this writing, I still haven’t passed it, a rare thing for me. But this isn’t about my workplace inadequacies, it’s about something much more fun and spectacular.
This particular training had what I can only refer to as story problems. That’s probably why I failed. I hate those. I don’t like being forced to think inside a small tube, and that’s exactly what those things do. As if that weren’t enough, however, some of the questions were of a rather stereotypical nature. One specifically jumped out at me regarding a man named “Koji” who was a camera enthusiast. His name couldn’t have been Sam or Dave? Sure, part of the question involved international usage, but non-Japanese people do travel to other countries last time I checked the statistics. Ok, I never checked the statistics, but I’m pretty sure I’m right.
There were a few others that weren’t quite as in-yo-face stereotypical, but Koji stood out most. And then I realized something: They might need help making their questions more stereotypical! Maybe the people writing them don’t know all the racial, ethnic and gender-based stereotypes.
Thus, I decided to use my mighty writer’s arsenal to come up five examples for them, pro bono, so the future trainings can be more in line with the Koji example. Observe and be changed for the better:
Jose is an illegal bean farmer who loves to drive ’57 Chevy’s while drinking cerveza and blasting tejano music to the four winds. He needs a phone that can be used across the border as well as in the U.S. so he can coordinate with Hector, the man he’s paying to sneak his family into Texas. What phones would you recommend for his use?
Tyrone owns and operates the Get Down Grits & Greens Restaurant on Martin Luther King, Boulevard and is also a drug dealer. He needs a handset that can be operated hands-free so as to properly enjoy his fried chicken & watermelon while talking to his baby mama’s. What phones would work for him?
Jenny is a former bleach blond rock star groupie and general boy-go-round that decided at the age of 25 she was going to be respectable and landed a rich husband who has no idea about her past. Since she’s prone to marital infidelity and spending large sums of the money her husband brings home on useless crap because it’s on sale, she needs several handsets so as not to get caught. What phones would work for her?
Sydney Weintraub is a real estate broker and a slumlord that also holds membership in the Hollywood elite. Because of his utter ruthlessness in business and total disregard for anyone who isn’t Jewish, Sydney needs instant access to his financial records in order to properly evict indigent families from their homes. Which handsets would give him the ability to destroy lives and enjoy it since he is of the devil?
Cletus is a NASCAR and beer enthusiast who is constantly on the go in his pickup salvaging trash in the front yards of rich people. His overall disdain and envy for them causes him to “work” late hours in order to get whatever he thinks he’s entitled to. As a result, he needs a handset that can take pictures of the trash to send to his wife Raeleen so she can evaluate its worth as well as something he can use to text so he can give the trash pix names like, “This here’s a right purdy sofa bed, ain’t it?” What would you recommend?
Let me know if I missed anyone. I would hate for anyone to feel disrespected in any way…
Monday, November 17, 2008
SCRIBE'S RANT ON THE CURRENT STATE OF MARRIAGE
I’ll tell you the real reason we needed a more leftwing president in the Oval Orifice: This rampant traditionalism needs to stop immediately. People are becoming way too into the whole marriage and children thing and it is truly disgusting.
Here’s why: Only an idiot, a whopping moron, a simpering simpleton, a vapid nimrod, a useless lump of flesh, a special needs savant, a Republican or a nondenominational Protestant doesn’t recognize marriage for what it really is. Simply put, it’s an artificial system designed to maximize social control while insuring economic stability and future generations. Yes, most of us fall in love with someone at least once (five times a month in my case) and can’t see ourselves without him or her, but mating for life is not the same thing as marriage.
You see, kids, marriage is a legal definition for two people who have apparently decided enjoyable sex is no longer a necessity or, at the very least, that doing it with more than one person might be fun and fun is the tool of Satan. In the words of Mike Meyers’ Wayne form the epic Wayne’s World films, “Marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries.”
However, thanks to an AIDS scare and a raging neo-con religious fanatic in the White House, my fellow Gen-X’ers and their younger counterparts decided to go all neo-traditional on our asses. This has resulted in a nauseating culture of whiney soccer moms and wimpy husbands who think they’re manly. It is the former that annoys me most of all.
Many women have taken a giant backseat, thereby pissing on the many years of feminist activism that accomplished little things such as the vote, career advancement and the ability to wear pants to work. By opting to stay home and be new school June Cleaver’s, a message has been sent to the Right that this is the natural state of things and everything else was a failure. Anything that makes the accomplishments of the Sixties look bad makes them look good and these mindless adherents are doing all their footwork for them.
Despite several pieces written by me decrying marriage as a form of indoctrination, I don’t take issue with the institution itself. For some, it is a beautiful union of two morons hopelessly in love. For others, there’s some involvement on the part of God because apparently he/she really gives a rat’s ___ what you do in your private life and doesn’t have enough work on his/her desk to cause a sufficient distraction. That’s why I’m starting a “Give God More to do” movement…more on that to come…
Meanwhile, people continue to disgust and annoy me with their overly sentimental marriage behavior. Here are a few of the more obnoxious examples I have encountered or heard about:
A former co-worker whose hair looks like a helmet, an obvious former reformed ho who answers her cell phone with a loud and sickeningly sweet, “Hello, my husband!”
A guy written about on this very blog whose much younger wife wouldn’t listen to him, prompting him to yell, “I am your HUSBAND and you will listen to me!”
A former supervisor whose obsession with being married causes constant and sometimes repulsive conversations at inappropriate times. For instance, “Well, you know ___ loves a pierced ahem.”
Another former co-worker whose vampiric allergy to sunlight was overshadowed only by her constant introducing of her spouse as “My husbaaaaannnnnnnnnnnndddddddd Ronnnnnnnnnnn.”
Women who don’t even refer to their husbands by their names, choosing instead to call them “Husband” or “Hubby.” So now it’s not, “Joe wants to go there,” it’s “Husband wants to go there.” They are either oblivious or unconcerned when it comes to the reactions this shit causes.
But the most offensive of all are the ones that call in for their spouses and wanna get all bad-assabout it like they’re ready to go to blows if you don’t like it. What the hell is that all about? One case in particular comes to mind where the guy called in for his wife and basically went on this diatribe about how she was sick and he was forbidding her from going to work and that was that and if there was any problem with it the supervisor could call him and discuss it with him personally.
Excuse me? Can you imagine Scribe getting that call? Let’s role-play for a moment, shall we?
HUBBYKINS:…So if there are any questions or problems, you can discuss it with me.
SCRIBE: Well, we might as well do that now.
HUBBYKINS: Excuse me?
SCRIBE: I’m not quite ready to excuse you yet. I guess my first question is why are you speaking to me as if you’re my employer?
HUBBYKINS: I’m just letting you know that my wife…
SCRIBE: Yes, I know she’s your wife. I’m pretty sure the whole world knows she’s your wife. So I’m wondering why you feel comfortable putting her job at risk by coming across like a bully-boy instead of simply calling in sick on her behalf.
HUBBYKINS: Is there going to be a problem with her being sick?
SCRIBE: With her being sick? Of course not. With the threatening and authoritative tone of her husband’s call-in? Maybe.
HUBBYKINS: Well, I wasn’t…
SCRIBE: A simple “She’s sick and won’t be in” will suffice from now. Have a great day, Huuuusssssbaaaannnnnddddd.
I know I’m weird and I’m cool with that but I don’t like it when people think they can speak for people in a hostile or overly controlling way. I also don’t care for women who let it happen out of some perceived need to be protected from everything. And I really hate people who allow themselves to be sheltered like small children.
I realize this thing has its roots in the single parent household phenomenon of the late Seventies and Eighties. Divorced parents were so common when I was a kid it was nearly impossible to find an intact husband & wife combo if the kid was out of single digits. In response to that, many members of Degeneration-X decided to rebel against the rebellion by taking a more traditional path. A collective of colossal bores, we are thankfully one of the smallest generations in U.S. history. Sadly, the twenty-somethings directly behind us are even more mindless rule followers.
All of us follow our programming to some extent. Few of us break the programming in favor of new sub-routines. But would it kill people to take a step back and try to objectively look at themselves?
Yes, of course it would. That’s why those bumper stickers say, “People Suck.” We’ve become such a media-saturated consumer culture that we can no longer see beyond the next plasma screen TV. Half of us let a 2000-year-old culturally irrelevant manifesto for revolution tell us what to do and think and the other half go along to get along.
People in this country may think they’re more socially responsible and substantial than previous generations, but stumbling around in the dark for a light switch during a lightening storm only amounts to stupidity~
Here’s why: Only an idiot, a whopping moron, a simpering simpleton, a vapid nimrod, a useless lump of flesh, a special needs savant, a Republican or a nondenominational Protestant doesn’t recognize marriage for what it really is. Simply put, it’s an artificial system designed to maximize social control while insuring economic stability and future generations. Yes, most of us fall in love with someone at least once (five times a month in my case) and can’t see ourselves without him or her, but mating for life is not the same thing as marriage.
You see, kids, marriage is a legal definition for two people who have apparently decided enjoyable sex is no longer a necessity or, at the very least, that doing it with more than one person might be fun and fun is the tool of Satan. In the words of Mike Meyers’ Wayne form the epic Wayne’s World films, “Marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries.”
However, thanks to an AIDS scare and a raging neo-con religious fanatic in the White House, my fellow Gen-X’ers and their younger counterparts decided to go all neo-traditional on our asses. This has resulted in a nauseating culture of whiney soccer moms and wimpy husbands who think they’re manly. It is the former that annoys me most of all.
Many women have taken a giant backseat, thereby pissing on the many years of feminist activism that accomplished little things such as the vote, career advancement and the ability to wear pants to work. By opting to stay home and be new school June Cleaver’s, a message has been sent to the Right that this is the natural state of things and everything else was a failure. Anything that makes the accomplishments of the Sixties look bad makes them look good and these mindless adherents are doing all their footwork for them.
Despite several pieces written by me decrying marriage as a form of indoctrination, I don’t take issue with the institution itself. For some, it is a beautiful union of two morons hopelessly in love. For others, there’s some involvement on the part of God because apparently he/she really gives a rat’s ___ what you do in your private life and doesn’t have enough work on his/her desk to cause a sufficient distraction. That’s why I’m starting a “Give God More to do” movement…more on that to come…
Meanwhile, people continue to disgust and annoy me with their overly sentimental marriage behavior. Here are a few of the more obnoxious examples I have encountered or heard about:
A former co-worker whose hair looks like a helmet, an obvious former reformed ho who answers her cell phone with a loud and sickeningly sweet, “Hello, my husband!”
A guy written about on this very blog whose much younger wife wouldn’t listen to him, prompting him to yell, “I am your HUSBAND and you will listen to me!”
A former supervisor whose obsession with being married causes constant and sometimes repulsive conversations at inappropriate times. For instance, “Well, you know ___ loves a pierced ahem.”
Another former co-worker whose vampiric allergy to sunlight was overshadowed only by her constant introducing of her spouse as “My husbaaaaannnnnnnnnnnndddddddd Ronnnnnnnnnnn.”
Women who don’t even refer to their husbands by their names, choosing instead to call them “Husband” or “Hubby.” So now it’s not, “Joe wants to go there,” it’s “Husband wants to go there.” They are either oblivious or unconcerned when it comes to the reactions this shit causes.
But the most offensive of all are the ones that call in for their spouses and wanna get all bad-assabout it like they’re ready to go to blows if you don’t like it. What the hell is that all about? One case in particular comes to mind where the guy called in for his wife and basically went on this diatribe about how she was sick and he was forbidding her from going to work and that was that and if there was any problem with it the supervisor could call him and discuss it with him personally.
Excuse me? Can you imagine Scribe getting that call? Let’s role-play for a moment, shall we?
HUBBYKINS:…So if there are any questions or problems, you can discuss it with me.
SCRIBE: Well, we might as well do that now.
HUBBYKINS: Excuse me?
SCRIBE: I’m not quite ready to excuse you yet. I guess my first question is why are you speaking to me as if you’re my employer?
HUBBYKINS: I’m just letting you know that my wife…
SCRIBE: Yes, I know she’s your wife. I’m pretty sure the whole world knows she’s your wife. So I’m wondering why you feel comfortable putting her job at risk by coming across like a bully-boy instead of simply calling in sick on her behalf.
HUBBYKINS: Is there going to be a problem with her being sick?
SCRIBE: With her being sick? Of course not. With the threatening and authoritative tone of her husband’s call-in? Maybe.
HUBBYKINS: Well, I wasn’t…
SCRIBE: A simple “She’s sick and won’t be in” will suffice from now. Have a great day, Huuuusssssbaaaannnnnddddd.
I know I’m weird and I’m cool with that but I don’t like it when people think they can speak for people in a hostile or overly controlling way. I also don’t care for women who let it happen out of some perceived need to be protected from everything. And I really hate people who allow themselves to be sheltered like small children.
I realize this thing has its roots in the single parent household phenomenon of the late Seventies and Eighties. Divorced parents were so common when I was a kid it was nearly impossible to find an intact husband & wife combo if the kid was out of single digits. In response to that, many members of Degeneration-X decided to rebel against the rebellion by taking a more traditional path. A collective of colossal bores, we are thankfully one of the smallest generations in U.S. history. Sadly, the twenty-somethings directly behind us are even more mindless rule followers.
All of us follow our programming to some extent. Few of us break the programming in favor of new sub-routines. But would it kill people to take a step back and try to objectively look at themselves?
Yes, of course it would. That’s why those bumper stickers say, “People Suck.” We’ve become such a media-saturated consumer culture that we can no longer see beyond the next plasma screen TV. Half of us let a 2000-year-old culturally irrelevant manifesto for revolution tell us what to do and think and the other half go along to get along.
People in this country may think they’re more socially responsible and substantial than previous generations, but stumbling around in the dark for a light switch during a lightening storm only amounts to stupidity~
Saturday, November 15, 2008
I HATE BEING RIGHT
Here are some of the wacky responses on the parts of mostly southern white racist pieces of unshoveled dogshit to Obama's victory and upcoming presidency:
_Four North Carolina State University students admitted writing anti-Obama comments in a tunnel designated for free speech expression, including one that said: "Let's shoot that (N-word) in the head." Obama has received more threats than any other president-elect, authorities say.
_At Standish, Maine, a sign inside the Oak Hill General Store read: "Osama Obama Shotgun Pool." Customers could sign up to bet $1 on a date when Obama would be killed. "Stabbing, shooting, roadside bombs, they all count," the sign said. At the bottom of the marker board was written "Let's hope someone wins."
_Racist graffiti was found in places including New York's Long Island, where two dozen cars were spray-painted; Kilgore, Texas, where the local high school and skate park were defaced; and the Los Angeles area, where swastikas, racial slurs and "Go Back To Africa" were spray painted on sidewalks, houses and cars.
_Second- and third-grade students on a school bus in Rexburg, Idaho, chanted "assassinate Obama," a district official said.
_University of Alabama professor Marsha L. Houston said a poster of the Obama family was ripped off her office door. A replacement poster was defaced with a death threat and a racial slur. "It seems the election brought the racist rats out of the woodwork," Houston said.
_Black figures were hanged by nooses from trees on Mount Desert Island, Maine, the Bangor Daily News reported. The president of Baylor University in Waco, Texas said a rope found hanging from a campus tree was apparently an abandoned swing and not a noose.
_Crosses were burned in yards of Obama supporters in Hardwick, N.J., and Apolacan Township, Pa.
_A black teenager in New York City said he was attacked with a bat on election night by four white men who shouted 'Obama.'
_In the Pittsburgh suburb of Forest Hills, a black man said he found a note with a racial slur on his car windshield, saying "now that you voted for Obama, just watch out for your house."
Anyone who suports my movement to get the South annexed so its backwards ass is no longer part of the United States please email me...
_Four North Carolina State University students admitted writing anti-Obama comments in a tunnel designated for free speech expression, including one that said: "Let's shoot that (N-word) in the head." Obama has received more threats than any other president-elect, authorities say.
_At Standish, Maine, a sign inside the Oak Hill General Store read: "Osama Obama Shotgun Pool." Customers could sign up to bet $1 on a date when Obama would be killed. "Stabbing, shooting, roadside bombs, they all count," the sign said. At the bottom of the marker board was written "Let's hope someone wins."
_Racist graffiti was found in places including New York's Long Island, where two dozen cars were spray-painted; Kilgore, Texas, where the local high school and skate park were defaced; and the Los Angeles area, where swastikas, racial slurs and "Go Back To Africa" were spray painted on sidewalks, houses and cars.
_Second- and third-grade students on a school bus in Rexburg, Idaho, chanted "assassinate Obama," a district official said.
_University of Alabama professor Marsha L. Houston said a poster of the Obama family was ripped off her office door. A replacement poster was defaced with a death threat and a racial slur. "It seems the election brought the racist rats out of the woodwork," Houston said.
_Black figures were hanged by nooses from trees on Mount Desert Island, Maine, the Bangor Daily News reported. The president of Baylor University in Waco, Texas said a rope found hanging from a campus tree was apparently an abandoned swing and not a noose.
_Crosses were burned in yards of Obama supporters in Hardwick, N.J., and Apolacan Township, Pa.
_A black teenager in New York City said he was attacked with a bat on election night by four white men who shouted 'Obama.'
_In the Pittsburgh suburb of Forest Hills, a black man said he found a note with a racial slur on his car windshield, saying "now that you voted for Obama, just watch out for your house."
Anyone who suports my movement to get the South annexed so its backwards ass is no longer part of the United States please email me...
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
THE FEUD TO END ALL FEUDS!!!
(Photo obtained from link at bottom of page)
Like most Americans, I love celebrity feuds. And like most science fiction fans, it’s sometimes a bit painful for me when a feud occurs between two people who portrayed beloved characters in a history making TV show like the original Star Trek.
Yet, there is a feud occurring between two of that show’s stars and, oddly enough, it often comes across as one-sided. George Takei, better known as Ensign Sulu, absolutely despises William Shatner, better known as…William Shatner. Look, last time I checked this was free entertainment for you wretches so shutty!!!
Apparently Sulu’s hatred for his captain stretches back over the years, culminating in the Star Trek movie era of the late Seventies into the early Nineties. It was well known by then that some saw Shatner as an unbridled egomaniacal control freak whose insistence on screen time reduced that of the co-stars to unsatisfying levels. It’s not like he was the star or anything. After all, without Sulu, who would fly the ship? He’s big in Japan, where the show was actually renamed, “The Adventures of Ensign Sulu.” They’re not nationalistic at all, are they?
Takei admits in his autobiography, “Why this hot lil’ Gaysian hates him some Shatner,” that he found the young studly starship captain attractive in the early days of the TV series. I guess he saw Cap’n Kirk without his shirt and wanted to…wait for it…BEAM ON DOWN!!!
In case you didn’t get that one, I got a few more: He wanted to get a closer look at Shatner’s phaser. He wanted to visit his neutral zone. He wanted to see if he could get him all the way up to warp nine. Ok, I’m done.
Anyway, like all workplace crushes, Takei’s eventually turned into raw and utter hatred of the murderous type. What do you mean all workplace crushes don’t wind up that way? What are you, a socialist? I distinctly remember telling you to shutty!!!
Apparently, the very delicate Mr. Takei felt that Shatner made life miserable for anyone who wasn’t in the so-called “Trek Trinity” of Shatner, Nimoy and Kelley. His memoir recounts a moment when he realized Shatner was directing the fifth installment in the film series and said, “Oh. My. GOD!!!” Yet he still appears in the film. So how traumatizing could it have really been? I guess quite a bit considering he appeared in the sixth and final chapter on his own ship with no time on-camera with Shatner.
Shatner, amusingly enough, seems to have been oblivious to the dislike of his co-stars. In fact, he has expressed nothing but wounded shock whenever the Takei claims of power-mongering and ego gone wild are mentioned. He sounds sincere, which of course adds to the hilarity of the situation.
Takei comes across as a betrayed admirer and he doesn’t even realize it. It’s the best kind of high school level melodrama where this younger person places the hot guy on a pedestal that inevitably gets knocked over. Sulu’s man-crush has resulted in years of bitterness and resentment for himself and his oblivious love interest, and lots of HA-HA for me and Howard Stern.
Most recently, Takei married his long-time companion in a civil ceremony right before the Mormons got Californians to repeal that pesky little right. Shatner said he wasn’t invited and publicly aired his disappointment at the perceived sleight. Takei claims he was invited and just didn’t show up. So, um, quick question:
How the FUCK am I supposed to watch my Star Trek movie collection again???
How in the name of Starfleet Academy am I gonna look at Sulu telling a mouthy guard not to call him “tiny” while tossing him across the room without thinking of his man-crush on Shatner? How will I be able to think about how cool Captain Sulu is in the sixth movie without thinking of him getting all worked up over Shatner’s magnificent nekkid chest back in the day?
When it comes to celebrity feuds, this one is entertaining only because of its camp value. For the first time, it might be a good thing that my mom didn't live to see this~
Yet, there is a feud occurring between two of that show’s stars and, oddly enough, it often comes across as one-sided. George Takei, better known as Ensign Sulu, absolutely despises William Shatner, better known as…William Shatner. Look, last time I checked this was free entertainment for you wretches so shutty!!!
Apparently Sulu’s hatred for his captain stretches back over the years, culminating in the Star Trek movie era of the late Seventies into the early Nineties. It was well known by then that some saw Shatner as an unbridled egomaniacal control freak whose insistence on screen time reduced that of the co-stars to unsatisfying levels. It’s not like he was the star or anything. After all, without Sulu, who would fly the ship? He’s big in Japan, where the show was actually renamed, “The Adventures of Ensign Sulu.” They’re not nationalistic at all, are they?
Takei admits in his autobiography, “Why this hot lil’ Gaysian hates him some Shatner,” that he found the young studly starship captain attractive in the early days of the TV series. I guess he saw Cap’n Kirk without his shirt and wanted to…wait for it…BEAM ON DOWN!!!
In case you didn’t get that one, I got a few more: He wanted to get a closer look at Shatner’s phaser. He wanted to visit his neutral zone. He wanted to see if he could get him all the way up to warp nine. Ok, I’m done.
Anyway, like all workplace crushes, Takei’s eventually turned into raw and utter hatred of the murderous type. What do you mean all workplace crushes don’t wind up that way? What are you, a socialist? I distinctly remember telling you to shutty!!!
Apparently, the very delicate Mr. Takei felt that Shatner made life miserable for anyone who wasn’t in the so-called “Trek Trinity” of Shatner, Nimoy and Kelley. His memoir recounts a moment when he realized Shatner was directing the fifth installment in the film series and said, “Oh. My. GOD!!!” Yet he still appears in the film. So how traumatizing could it have really been? I guess quite a bit considering he appeared in the sixth and final chapter on his own ship with no time on-camera with Shatner.
Shatner, amusingly enough, seems to have been oblivious to the dislike of his co-stars. In fact, he has expressed nothing but wounded shock whenever the Takei claims of power-mongering and ego gone wild are mentioned. He sounds sincere, which of course adds to the hilarity of the situation.
Takei comes across as a betrayed admirer and he doesn’t even realize it. It’s the best kind of high school level melodrama where this younger person places the hot guy on a pedestal that inevitably gets knocked over. Sulu’s man-crush has resulted in years of bitterness and resentment for himself and his oblivious love interest, and lots of HA-HA for me and Howard Stern.
Most recently, Takei married his long-time companion in a civil ceremony right before the Mormons got Californians to repeal that pesky little right. Shatner said he wasn’t invited and publicly aired his disappointment at the perceived sleight. Takei claims he was invited and just didn’t show up. So, um, quick question:
How the FUCK am I supposed to watch my Star Trek movie collection again???
How in the name of Starfleet Academy am I gonna look at Sulu telling a mouthy guard not to call him “tiny” while tossing him across the room without thinking of his man-crush on Shatner? How will I be able to think about how cool Captain Sulu is in the sixth movie without thinking of him getting all worked up over Shatner’s magnificent nekkid chest back in the day?
When it comes to celebrity feuds, this one is entertaining only because of its camp value. For the first time, it might be a good thing that my mom didn't live to see this~
Read all about it:
Sunday, November 9, 2008
THE TRIUMPHANT, RECTAL PROBING RETURN OF...
The "Fuck You" Series!!!
YAAAAAYYYY
First up,
His name is Kiiiiiiiiddddddd…you know the rest. White boy rapper from Detroit makes it huge with a rap metal sound and enough street cred to claim the hood.
The year was 1998 and Kid Rock had been around for about seven years when the Devil Without a Cause CD was released to a lukewarm reception. Thanks to a boosting from radio stations, most notably Chicago’s rightwing Mancow’s Morning Madhouse, something happened in 1999. Kid Rock broke and broke huge, finally escaping the local music scene dungeon and fulfilling the prophecy he mentioned so often on the album.
Rock has hit upon a grand notion: Rap metal was at its zenith at that point and he needed to reinvent himself. His previous albums had all been hip-hop and, frankly, not very good. He had the flow but the songs just weren’t interesting or unique enough. But with the sudden popularity of Eminem, people seemed ready to accept white rappers as never before.
Devil Without a Cause is a pretty good album. It’s also a patchwork of styles, all amounting to the equivalent of throwing everything against the wall until something sticks. Throughout, Rock plays up the white homeboy angle for all it’s worth. I bought it and played it quite a bit that year and occasionally after.
His next album was a shameless rip-off of the previous one and showcased Rock’s limitations to an embarrassing extent. He’d already started painting by numbers. The next album was a total departure as he embraced his redneck roots and started making country-tinged arena rock similar to the surprise hit from Devil called “Only God Knows Why.” Despite its popularity, the duet with Sheryl Crow was simply pathetic.
I’d already lost interest in Kid Rock by then for several reasons, not the least of which is his politics. During the 2000 presidential campaign and while talking to Mancow’s wild-eyed psycho ass he was asked who he was voting for. He said George W Bush because he’d “probably lower taxes.”
I remember actually double-taking the radio, which is not as dramatically effective as it may sound. I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t expecting him to endorse Gore either. I was expecting him to be apolitical like most people with the mentality he claimed to have on his one decent album.
How could someone who had reportedly left home in his teens to move to the inner city to be with real people be a neo-con? Was he just some stupid trailer trash celebrity? I was disgusted, and became more so every time he opened his mouth.
Kid Rock was the worst kind of opportunist: The kind that goes “slumming” amongst a minority group in order to absorb and steal the essence of their sub-culture so he can turn it into something marketable. In this regard, he is more reprehensible than his idol, Ted Nugent. As much as I despise the Nuge, at least he is and always has been a guy that sticks with his own kind. Kid Rock would rather have it both ways.
A few weeks ago I went to the movies with a friend of mine and Kid Rock suddenly appeared on the screen. Maybe you’ve seen this, too. While Rock warbles and screams into his microphone, we are treated to images of soldiers in Iraq mobilizing for battle and handing little Iraqi kids back their soccer balls with big smiles on their faces. Rock screams, “I’m an American warrior! A Citizen soldier!” My friend shook his head and said, “Look at this propaganda.”
I had a few more choice words about it. What was this, the 1940’s? Now I can’t even go to the movies without the twenty-first century equivalent of a newsreel trying to stir up patriotic fervor filling my vision? This is the kind of jingoistic, unquestioning garbage that has reduced world opinion of us to single digit percentiles. Kid Rock embodies all of the wrong attitudes for this century and this world and idiots listen to him because he “rocks.”
What happened to the foul-mouthed rapper asking ”What the fuck happened to the peace and the love?” I guess he never existed. I’d like to think he’s one of those celebrities that went a little nuts after 9/11 like Dennis Miller or Jon Voigt. But that would entail my ignoring his comment to Mancow in 2000.
No, Kid Rock is just a fake. He talked a good game but that was all he was ever about. If I ever find my copy of Devil Without a Cause, I will burn it.
Fuck you, Kid Rock. We really didn’t need another Ted Nugent, let alone somebody who might be a little worse. But hey, thanks for again proving what I’ve always said about Michigan: the coolest white guys often turn out to be the biggest neo-con assholes. They just don’t usually come dressed like pimps with blond dreadlocks, though. Like your president said, “Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice…we won’t get fooled again.”
That's about as witty as your song lyrics...
YAAAAAYYYY
First up,
His name is Kiiiiiiiiddddddd…you know the rest. White boy rapper from Detroit makes it huge with a rap metal sound and enough street cred to claim the hood.
The year was 1998 and Kid Rock had been around for about seven years when the Devil Without a Cause CD was released to a lukewarm reception. Thanks to a boosting from radio stations, most notably Chicago’s rightwing Mancow’s Morning Madhouse, something happened in 1999. Kid Rock broke and broke huge, finally escaping the local music scene dungeon and fulfilling the prophecy he mentioned so often on the album.
Rock has hit upon a grand notion: Rap metal was at its zenith at that point and he needed to reinvent himself. His previous albums had all been hip-hop and, frankly, not very good. He had the flow but the songs just weren’t interesting or unique enough. But with the sudden popularity of Eminem, people seemed ready to accept white rappers as never before.
Devil Without a Cause is a pretty good album. It’s also a patchwork of styles, all amounting to the equivalent of throwing everything against the wall until something sticks. Throughout, Rock plays up the white homeboy angle for all it’s worth. I bought it and played it quite a bit that year and occasionally after.
His next album was a shameless rip-off of the previous one and showcased Rock’s limitations to an embarrassing extent. He’d already started painting by numbers. The next album was a total departure as he embraced his redneck roots and started making country-tinged arena rock similar to the surprise hit from Devil called “Only God Knows Why.” Despite its popularity, the duet with Sheryl Crow was simply pathetic.
I’d already lost interest in Kid Rock by then for several reasons, not the least of which is his politics. During the 2000 presidential campaign and while talking to Mancow’s wild-eyed psycho ass he was asked who he was voting for. He said George W Bush because he’d “probably lower taxes.”
I remember actually double-taking the radio, which is not as dramatically effective as it may sound. I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t expecting him to endorse Gore either. I was expecting him to be apolitical like most people with the mentality he claimed to have on his one decent album.
How could someone who had reportedly left home in his teens to move to the inner city to be with real people be a neo-con? Was he just some stupid trailer trash celebrity? I was disgusted, and became more so every time he opened his mouth.
Kid Rock was the worst kind of opportunist: The kind that goes “slumming” amongst a minority group in order to absorb and steal the essence of their sub-culture so he can turn it into something marketable. In this regard, he is more reprehensible than his idol, Ted Nugent. As much as I despise the Nuge, at least he is and always has been a guy that sticks with his own kind. Kid Rock would rather have it both ways.
A few weeks ago I went to the movies with a friend of mine and Kid Rock suddenly appeared on the screen. Maybe you’ve seen this, too. While Rock warbles and screams into his microphone, we are treated to images of soldiers in Iraq mobilizing for battle and handing little Iraqi kids back their soccer balls with big smiles on their faces. Rock screams, “I’m an American warrior! A Citizen soldier!” My friend shook his head and said, “Look at this propaganda.”
I had a few more choice words about it. What was this, the 1940’s? Now I can’t even go to the movies without the twenty-first century equivalent of a newsreel trying to stir up patriotic fervor filling my vision? This is the kind of jingoistic, unquestioning garbage that has reduced world opinion of us to single digit percentiles. Kid Rock embodies all of the wrong attitudes for this century and this world and idiots listen to him because he “rocks.”
What happened to the foul-mouthed rapper asking ”What the fuck happened to the peace and the love?” I guess he never existed. I’d like to think he’s one of those celebrities that went a little nuts after 9/11 like Dennis Miller or Jon Voigt. But that would entail my ignoring his comment to Mancow in 2000.
No, Kid Rock is just a fake. He talked a good game but that was all he was ever about. If I ever find my copy of Devil Without a Cause, I will burn it.
Fuck you, Kid Rock. We really didn’t need another Ted Nugent, let alone somebody who might be a little worse. But hey, thanks for again proving what I’ve always said about Michigan: the coolest white guys often turn out to be the biggest neo-con assholes. They just don’t usually come dressed like pimps with blond dreadlocks, though. Like your president said, “Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice…we won’t get fooled again.”
That's about as witty as your song lyrics...
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