DUDE'S STORY: THE NEW ERA

Dude truly is an amazing creature. His actions have a resonance that survives all possible barriers including distance and denial. I really thought that once the Aussie left the U.S. the whole thing was over.

Like you, I went through update withdrawals. Who didn’t thrill to the stunningly moronic adventures of the man who believed everything a woman on the Internet told him? Who didn’t want to know what would happen next once they knew she looked nothing like she represented and was evil incarnate? Was it not the icing on the cake when we found out she’d turned his family against him in less than two months? What could possibly trump that little tidbit?

Shut up and I’ll tell ya.

When the Aussie left for home, Dude had visions of a hottie in Canada dancing around in his mostly empty head. During the Aussie’s stay here, he and the hottie exchanged text messages about how deceitful the former was and how the hottie was just becoming interested in him before he brought the evil to his home. Determined to meet up with this much more attractive mammal, Dude did everything he could to make the Aussie’s stay miserable. Soon as she was gone, the hottie suddenly decided she was going through a lot of things and wasn’t ready for any type of relationship. Typical. But what happened next was not.

Dude made the egregious error of writing that he was “missing someone” on his Facebook status update. The Aussie saw it because, for some reason, he never removed her from his friends list. She wrote something like, “Awww, miss you too, mate,” or words to that effect. The hottie in Canada saw this and lit into her.

She basically wrote that Dude was not talking about her, not the Aussie, and that the recently departed moose-like creature misrepresented herself before they met. As if that weren’t enough, as the argument proceeded, the hottie asked her the following incendiary question: “Did you know that what you stepped off the airplane and Dude saw you, he was texting me saying, ‘Oh, God no?’”

Excuse me a moment…Bwaaa haaa haaa haaa haaaaaa aahhhhaaa haaaa!!!

Ok, I’m back. I don’t know for sure, but I’m guessing she went into greater detail than that judging by her reaction and subsequent actions. Apparently, Hell hath no fury like a marsupial scorned. One can understand her ire. She did help him out financially while she was here and played the domestic role rather well. To find out he was already in contact with another woman while she was arriving would naturally anger anyone but to also find out he was referring to her as repugnant and biding his time until he could hook up with someone else must surely have been the last straw.

So the Aussie’s coming after his ass. I have no idea how realistic her claims are, but she is planning to file a lawsuit for defamation of character and have him arrested by the Michigan State Police for conning her out of her money. How she plans to prove any of this is the greatest mystery of all but it could cause a major headache for Dude at a terrible time.

Dude is losing his house. His pointless attempts to become a real estate agent in a historically awful housing market have caused financial ruin. In addition, losing his wife who worked two jobs and the Aussie situation going bust has left him without options. It is too late to get a roommate now and his family will not offer any more assistance. Now he’s afraid he’s going to be arrested!

If I wrote this as a novel, people would find it preposterous. It would be the worst sort of Joe Esterhaus type story filled with plot contrivances and convenient developments. Yet life often provides exactly that and this time it has come in the form of one nasty-lookin’ chick from Down Under. Maybe that’s why I’m having trouble writing lately because something much more interesting is happening for real!

I’ll keep you posted~