POOR WHITE TRASH, part II of my trilogy of offensiveness

As an individual of bi-racial ancestry, I have often wondered which side of my heritage disgusted me more and usually decided they both did in equal measure. This mentality, which I assure you distinguishes me from most other bi-racial folk, has provided me a unique perspective on the subject of race and the behavior of those groups that comprise my heritage.

I stand alone, the most frighteningly handsome and well-endowed mastodon to ever trample the undergrowth of stupidity and ignorance. Let all those with stupid ways tremble before the mighty prehistoric stomper as he rolls through your safe little villages and hamlets on a mission to eradicate those who displease him!!!

TREMBLE, I SAY!!!!

MUAAAAA UAAAAA HAAAA HAAA AHAAAA HAAAA HAAA HAAAA HAAAA

…

ha?

Wow. I feel so exposed, so nekkid, so like a prison inmate bending over for the soap. I think I should get to the point of this descent into utter pointlessness.

This time we’re going to focus on PWT, although the ghetto equivalent is comin’. Oh, it’s comin’. The following are a few of the traits and behaviors I have noticed over the course of my life when it comes to these often marginalized individuals. And rightfully so! There isn’t really anybody more annoying. Here’s why:

WHAT’S SO DAMN FUNNY? Is it me, or do PWT females always seem to be laughing about nothing? Comments that to most of us are rather neutral or don’t require any type of response at all seem to inspire chortles in them. This seems especially true when they are discussing themselves. Example: “Yeah, so I went home and made myself some ice tea…hyuck hyuck hycuk hee hee hee haaa haaa ha hAAAAAA hAAAA!” etc. Nothing is funny. Funny is when you employ the use of irony and…what am I doing? These chicks probably think irony is what you do when your clothes are wrinkled!!!
(Now, dammit that was funny!)

WAS THAT A…JOKE…OR…HMM.. Here’s the one that is perhaps the most annoying of them all. We’ve all seen this guy but perhaps some of you haven’t really taken inventory enough to place him in a neat category. I don’t enjoy categorizing people, but I do like taking their traits and quirks and placing them into a nice…um…category…ok, maybe I do. This guy is that cookie duster mustache wearing, mullet sportin’, classic rock T-shirt showin’ off dork who tries to make a joke out of every moment while rarely displaying a pleasant facial expression. Recently I was out to dinner when a couple spotted what I assumed was her family while waiting to be seated. As the women hugged and acted like they liked each other, the dad or uncle or whoever said, “I was wonderin’ who was gonna pay for dinner.” Way to go, Seinfeld. Love the new material. I especially love the angry look on your face when you said it, like you resent having to indulge in human contact. Which brings up the next one:

IS YOUR NAME CHIP OR IS THAT JUST WHAT’S ON YOUR SHOULDER? Ah, the wonders of feelings of self-entitlement. Even more wondrous is when they are based on nothing else except race and gender. Enter the angry and bitter PWT guy who likes to complain about how this is no longer his father’s country (a good thing for the rest of us) and how “They took our jobs!” that he wouldn’t be caught dead doing. This guy likes to walk around with a thin smirk etched onto his lips and a cocky swagger meant to show he’s really the smartest guy in the room and you’re just too stupid to know it. He’s a smarmy know-it-all who was proven right just enough times to think he couldn’t be wrong. He’s definitely smarter than his boss, who’s a complete idiot because he went to college or something, and if he ran the place, he would blah, blah, blah…


WAIT. YOU’RE THEY’RE PARENTS??? Most of us probably know that parent or those parents who feel the need to be their childrens’ friend and be considered cool. Unlike parents of old, some can’t accept growing older as part of bringing another generation into the world. It’s sad but people only really started noticing when it became a phenomena among middle class and wealthy whites. PWT has been doing it for ages! In fact, acting like they’re one of the kids is a time-honored tradition, like serving Budweiser at a wedding. PWT parents tend to refer to their children by such gentle, loving nicknames as “You lil’ shit” and tease them mercilessly. The odd part is that once the kid starts doing it back or getting upset, suddenly they want to get all stern and act like real parents But then a few seconds later they can been seen smiling triumphantly like they just bested their sibling! I can only theorize that this is some bizarre form of pecking order enforcement and establishing of boundaries. It doesn’t work. What it does accomplish, however, is the creation and maintaining of those three “types” listed above.

YOU DON’T REALLY BELIEVE THE DIXIE FLAG STANDS FOR SOUTHERN PRIDE AND HONOR, DO YOU? Michigan is a state with more than its share of rednecks. Without getting too deeply into historical overviews, the auto industry caused a massive migration from the south in the early parts of the 20th Century. They haven’t changed much, if at all. I can still drive through towns where guys in massive, rusty pick-up trucks sport Dixie flag decals and bumper stickers on the backs of their vehicles. You may be wondering why in holy hoppin’hairy hell a Midwestern guy from one of the most northernmost states in the Union is sporting a Dixie flag at all and, frankly, there can only be one answer: He longs for the days of pre-Civil War government. He may not be able to articulate this, but he doesn’t really think slavery was as bad as people say it was and may in fact believe it was deserved. He feels neutered by life and the fact that he is probably person #3. He is going to show all the minorities and candy-ass white liberals and Jews that he has rebel pride and so what if they’re offended. That’s where I come in, driving through their towns in a foreign car (late model Toyota at the time) and sporting a bumper sticker with the Dixie flag encircled with a line through it, the caption reading: YOU LOST. GET OVER IT! Man, you could see the anger through the rearview mirror whenever I drove through shitholes like Hazel Park or any section of Downriver. Of course, nobody ever said shit to me because my appearance can be rather intimidating and they tend to be of the all talk variety unless their Klan buddies are in the vicinity. I miss that bumper sticker. My friend Al found it too crude and wants to find a Northern flag for his car. I tried explaining to him the redneck mentality and how they either wouldn’t get it or would find it wimpy but he is black and hasn’t had the same access to them that I have. Lucky me, huh? It’s very simple, people: Displaying the flag of a defeated nation that was formed as an act of treason against the established government is not history, it is anti-American. These idiots are actually guilty of the very thing they think they’re honoring!

Well, there’s my list. It could have been 3 times longer but I felt I ran the risk of employing the type of anger and hostility the people I’m criticizing exhibit on a regular basis. Next up will the ghetto fabulous list.

Same Scribe time!

Same Scribe channel!

Same Scribe underwear…