THE PALIN/BIDEN DEBATE, or "Dan Quayle's Fancy New Vagina"

Maverick. Maverick. Maverick. Reform. Maverick. Nukeulaar. Maverick. Alaska. Mavericks. Outsider. Maverick. Soccer moms. Maverick. Joe Six-pack. Maverick. Maverick! Maaaaavvvverrrriiiicccckkkkk!!!

That basically sums up Sara Palin’s talking points during last Thursday’s vice-presidential debate. And talking points was apparently all she had to offer. In fact, many have theorized she was being spoon-fed her rhetoric either through a listening device or on paper. It’s probably not true but the important thing is she created the perception.

When the candidates first emerged for their 90-minute trip through evasion and inaccuracy, Palin immediately pulled the folksy homespun tactic by asking Biden if she could call him Joe. Biden, who was obviously coached to be polite and gracious, seemed to have no problem with that.

Throughout the week cons and neo-cons alike had been questioning the moderator’s objectivity because she dared to write a book about blacks in politics. Apparently white conservatives see a black woman writing about her own race in politics as divisive. In fact, carnival barker and faux bad- Bill O’Reilley asked if anyone “Over there at PBS” was objective, implying he knows anything at all about journalistic integrity.

Contrary to the conservative fright-engine’s attempts, the moderator was objective and Palin still came off looking like an utter moron. Throwing around empty claims of reform under a McSame/Palin administration, Caribou Barbie winked and smirked at the camera in that manner only conceited soccer moms can effect. Her good ol’ girl act came on so thick I felt like I was covered in some type of viscous fluid spewing from her fluted nostrils.

Biden, both to his credit and detriment, went easy on the young lady from the largest (she neglected to mention most sparsely populated) state in the Union. His was a Catch-22 situation, where he would be judged harshly if he picked on the poor, sweet governor who some men seem to find hot. Still, he did maintain his cool in the face of her barrage of BS and attacks on Barrack Obama.

Some have pointed out how much more cordial this debate was than the first one between McBush IIII and Obama. Frankly, by comparison a knife fight would have been! McClone did everything he could to make himself seem both intolerant and superior to Obama, who in turn grew angrier and angrier So it is with a grain, no a pound, of salt that I say the Biden/Palin debate was more cordial. No matter what, she is still a condescending, snarky, snippy bitch.
(Cool! I finally got to use “snarky!” For three and a half years I’ve looked for a reason to use that word. Ok, Scribe, don’t lose focus)

Saturday Night Live did a phenomenal job of showing the candidates as they truly are. Biden was portrayed as flip-flopping his ass off, claiming to love McCain while at the same time saying he was a dangerous lunatic. That’s not really flip-flopping though. I know lots of people I’d classify that way and they would most likely do the same for me. My TV wife Tina Fey, whose resemblance to Palin is uncanny except she’s actually hot, not only has her mannerisms down pat but sounds like her too! In the sketch, Palin would politely say she didn’t want to answer the question posed and preferred to talk about being a maverick or taxes. Pretty accurate.

Palin is the Dan Quayle of our time, except she looks better in a skirt. Perhaps that’s not fair to Quayle, as he was never allowed to wear his wife Marilyn’s dresses to formal functions until he was no longer in office. She is a vapid, smug, self-righteous pustule who looks good on camera and appeases the Christian Right.

I am shocked nobody is pointing this similarity out in the media. Are they so mesmerized by the fact she has a vagina? Back in 1988 George HW Bush was seen as undesirable to the Christian Right and so they were given Dan Quayle, a big-time Bible thumper and intellectual lightweight. Lo and behold, 20 years later McCain is seen the same way and the religious right is given the perfect 700 Club chick to make voting easier.

Palin played up her good girl Christian image for all it was worth. She laced her comments with “gosh” and “darnnit,” appealing directly to those who would find such a thing charming. She also claimed to know about environmental concerns because she ‘s from Alaska and they have oil and land and animal and people and trees and other cool stuff. She did do a better job of pronouncing the names of heads of state from other countries than her running mate, though.

Biden laughed…a lot. It was refreshing to see such an honest reaction to a walking, talking joke. The two candidates volleyed back and forth on claims that have been fact-checked to death by now, so I won’t bother to point out the erroneous claims on both sides. I will say Biden’s tended to come across as factual errors and not outright fabrications, except in a few cases.

We already know Biden is a seasoned candidate with years of debate experience, including presidential primaries galore. Let’s focus on Palin’ s performance.

First of all, she didn’t across as even slightly vice-presidential. She defended McCain in a manner reminiscent of an executive assistant who is not-so-secretly fucking the boss. Her so-called “charm” comes across like story hour at the retard academy. If anything, she is very much the woman who grew up in a trailer park and got a full scholarship to the local college. Perhaps there are Americans who enjoy seeing an unpolished hick in charge of the Senate and standing by to take over when McSame drops dead in the Oval Office, but I prefer my candidates with some polish and distinction.

Palin and Biden both said they didn’t support a Constitutional amendment to add same-sex marriage but she went as far as to say she “tolerates” them and is cool with them visiting each other in the hospital. She also claimed she has a gay friend who nobody has been able to locate.

Palin’s unquestioning support of the war in Iraq was disgusting. Still spouting that empty Republican Party rhetoric from four years ago, she insisted that Iraq is front and center of the esoterically dubbed “War on Terror.” While I could waste time pointing out the hilarity of Bush declaring war on a noun when he is so poorly spoken, Palin is the topic here. Because her boss told her to, she claimed the surge strategy would work in Afghanistan as well, a nation with no infrastructure. Parson my Swahili, but how the FUCK can you surge against people who can retreat to the most elaborate system of caves in the world??? Maybe she’d jut lob some nukeuler missiles at them. And that’s another thing.

I don’t want someone with his or her finger on the button that can’t pronounce “nuclear.” I don’t want someone influencing policy that thinks banning books is a topic for discussion with librarians. I don’t want a vice-president who embarrasses me!

Haven’t we had enough of being embarrassed by our president and his sidekick? Do we really want the world community to think we have descended into total insanity and stupidity or do we want to be seen as a country that makes mistakes from time to time and corrects them when we see through all the mass hysteria?

I guess we’ll know by November 5th. I’ve never been more fearful~