SCRIBE DISCUSSES THE ISSUES...

Although my remaining vultures seem to be enjoying the exploits of Dude and his disappointing love life, I thought I’d take a break before the next phase to discuss some issues and stuff. I decided to pull three that I think are the most vital and post them from least to most. I haven’t really written about politics in a while but I suppose I need to start back up again at some point.

Please see topics below…

I said PLEASE! Don’t make me come through this monitor with old thunder and his buddy lightning ‘cause I’ll do it, man!

I’ll bring Hurricane Scribe to this BITCH and FEMA ain’t gonna help yo’ punk ass!!!

Ok, now that the requisite empty threats and shit talking are out of the way, let’s move on to the topic at hand: Scribe’s take On the Issues (So you don’t have to worry your pretty little head with all that darn thinkin’):

THAT STUPID INCIDENT WITH THE COP & THE HARVARD PROFESSOR: Every so often, an issue comes along that effectively divides white and black Americans right down the middle. They become so angry at each other over the perceived lack of understanding that they don’t notice those dirty Hispanics sneaking in their homes, putting their unwashed feet up on the furniture and eating their food. It’s a serious problem and one that’s only gonna get worse until we put up that electrified fence along the U.S. border. Even worse, while whites and blacks are fighting over stupid shit like this that doesn’t really amount to anything, those conniving Hindus are stepping in and taking over all customer service positions that aren’t created by the company I work for. Their ultimate goal is to make the experience so difficult for the customer through robotic monologues and incoherent accents that we will all break down and allow them to take over the country. Beware the brown people for they are on the march, my precious vultures!!!


THAT WHOLE HEALTH CARE BUGABOO: When a politician makes promises and doesn’t keep them, people act as if it’s the first time in history this has happened. More interesting, however, is when a politician tries his ass off to keep his promises and is blocked by the Old Guard of greed and corruption. Somehow nobody seems to notice this and reacts the same way they would if that politician had outright lied like Bush senior who claimed he wouldn’t raise taxes, Clinton when he said he would completely eradicate the ban on gays in the military, and W Bush when he said he wasn’t interested in nation building. President Obama has tried so hard to push his universal healthcare agenda through, yet something always seems to stop him. It’s easy to blame Republicans, whose only contributions to the national discussion have eben, “Everything Obama comes up with is a bad idea but we have no alternatives.” The real culprit here is the Democratic majority. Despite Obama’s often baffling attempts to gain bi-partisan support for his foals, the Democrats could push health care reform through whether the neo-cons like it or not. Instead, the so-called “blue dog” Dems in the Southern states, fearful for their political futures, are maintaining a steady resistance to what those on the right see as Obama’s socialist agenda. Those goddam commies. Always trying to give away the things we can use to make profit like human misery! That’s what this country was built on, by God! If we can’t exploit large groups of powerless people, how will we be able to afford that kick-ass LCD screen TV? Not to mention all the upright, moral members of congress and the House whose careers would be ruined if they were seen as supporting the masses over corporations which, by the way, have the same rights as individuals thanks to exploitation of the anti-slavery amendment.

So where’s all this going? Will we have an actual reform package enacted within the next year? Probably. Will it be watered down to the point of near unrecognizability by the time it’s passed through? Absolutely. Give him points for trying, but the president is ice-skating uphill on this one.

And now the most important issue of our (current) times:

THE EMINEM MARIAH CAREY FEUD: I must admit, Scribe do loves him a good feud! I’m not sure if this one qualifies yet, but Em’s history of fussin’ and feudin’ with people is legendary and I can’t think of a more deserving target. Don't get me wrong, my tongue swells at the sight of her, by Mariah Carey is an insane, alcoholic primadonna whose self-absorption is seconded only by English royalty. What’s the beef about, you ask? Apparently, Mariah Carey denies that she and Slim Shady ever dated six or seven years ago. Mr. Mathers found that insulting and did what he does best: came back with a funny line or two about Carey and her D-List husband, Nick Cannon. This prompted Cannon, a man whose main claim to fame is his stint on Nickelodeon as a child and his current hosting of the loathsome “So you think you can Dance,” fired back on his blog with such wacky witticism as, “I think homebody is obsessed.” He also used lots of caps and made sure to include “LOL” so we knew he wasn’t affected by something that obviously affected him deeply.

While there have been times when Eminem made one comment about someone and left it alone, this hasn’t been one of them. You see, Em claims to have proof that he and Carey dated and has threatened to provide it to the press if this keeps up. Why such a petty move? Well, ironically (if you believe in random chance that is foreshadowed by an idiot like Cannon) Carey released a song called “Obsessed” with a goateed stalker chasing her around in the video. Although she denies it, everybody else seems to think the stalker was supposed to be Eminem. Why she would be stupid enough to provide him with a brand new feud is beyond me but the bigger question is, why the fuck would you try to make a sly comment about a guy whose background is in winning battle-rap competitions where anything goes and all language is allowed? I may think Steven Segal is a joke but I ain’t gonna say it to his face!

Eminem responded to the perceived slam with a song called “The Warning” which not only goes into embarrassing detail about their one supposed sexual encounter but puts Nick Cannon back in his place with the hilariously apt line, “Before you try to destroy my career, you better get one.” He also extends an olive branch of sorts. You can hear the entire thing here: http://www.metrolyrics.com/the-warning-lyrics-eminem.html


This may not be Eminem’s greatest feud as it’s kind of like getting into an insult contest in high school with the kid who spent all night coming up with two good comebacks. I went up against that kid and wound up befriending him out of pity. Carey deserves no pity, and neither does black K-Fed. You can have that one, Em, since you were in semi-retirement during the years when you should’ve been going after Brittney Spears’ useless ex-husband~

Side note:
SOME NOTABLE EMINEM FUEDS OFF THE TOP OF ME NOGGIN:

Cage- A white New York rapper who used to get arrested for street fighting and spent time in a mental institution, Cage claimed Eminem stole his style for his first album. Feud seemed to die down after about 2002.

Insane Clown posse: Detroit-based wicked clown rappers who took umbrage to Eminem’s comments that he and Kid Rock were the only rappers rocking Detroit. They decided to do a song called “Slim Anus"to insult the upstart Johnny-come-lately and he naturally responded on the song, “Marshall Mathers.” They responded with the song, “Nothin’ but a Bitch Thang.” The disses from both were funny and both sides denied being punked out by the other. Feud culminated with Em pistol whipping ICP’s tour manager when he caught him with his no ex-wife and Rude Boy from ICP’s label chocking a guy in the crowd at a concert where an M&M’s t-shirt. Nobody died.

Vanilla Ice- The original white rapper (discounting the Beastie Boys & Third Bass) wasn’t too pleased with some of the lines on Eminem’s first album in reference to him. What he didn’t seem to get was Em was distancing himself from the man who had become an overnight joke before the comparisons started. Ice responded by saying Em rapped “like a girl” and Em made fun of the blond dreadlocks he was sporting at the time. Due to Ice’s apparent inability or unwillingness to create a put-down song, this one ended rather quickly.

Debbie Mathers- Eminem’s mom, whether she suffers from Munchausen’s disease or not, proved an invaluable source of inspiration to the lyrical grandmaster in his early days of notoriety. Sadly, it was all negative. She sued him at once point but he got more mileage out of her than any other subject matter.