ALL-NEW PET PEEVES LIST:

Ain’t nuthin’ like a pet peeves list, but when the list comes from the tortured yet arousing mind of Scribe, ‘tis a cause for celebration and a call to revolution!

How’d that read? I’m working on my own PR campaign where I write as if I’m a critic who can’t stop singing my own praises. Anyway, enough about me. Let’s talk about how I feel about things instead. I worked hard on this list because I wanted to be sure I wasn’t repeating or revising previous ones. So sit back, shoot up, kick the animal or person nearest you, and enjoy my latest list of pets that peeve:

Yellers- As a person working in customer service, I think it’s safe to say I’m exposed to this type of person more than most. These sad sacks of shit have somehow come to the conclusion that constant raising of the voice and interruptions will get them what they want. Problem is, they don’t always know what they want. I can tell the difference within seconds but there are still those around me who get “hooked” and allow the person to get to them. This type isn’t limited to my job, though. They’re everywhere and they sincerely believe their loud voices will wear down all resistance. Then, of course, they encounter lil’ ol’ soft spoken me and change their worldviews.

Epigram People- I’ve always despised people who rely on the words of others to get points across. That’s not to say I don’t appreciate what others have said in the past, but when one comes armed with only that, one comes with an unloaded gun. Bible bumpers are notorious for this behavior, especially black ones. Sorry, the rest of us aren’t impressed. And I for goddam sure don’t appreciate the constant posting of quotes on sites such as Facebook. One Facebook friend of mine posts nothing but quotes from other sources! Bottom line: If you don’t have your on words, you add nothing to the human condition or the discussion so fuck off (Scribe, 2009)

“Seriously???”- Every year some new, obnoxious expression arrives to drive me closer to that naked in he watchtower with a .22 rifle moment. This year it’s the word listed at the beginning. I am hearing this so often that is has almost eclipsed that ridiculous LOVE thing soccer moms are using when they have absolutely nothing to add. And I’m like, “Seriously? Really? No, no, dude. DUDE! Seriously?” That’s right, just stand in one place for a moment longer…click…SERIOUSLY!? Boom!

Fox News, it’s everywhere!- For a network whose ratings are reportedly dropping, I sure see it on in a lot of public venues. I’ve seen it on at the Laundromat, doctor’s offices that don’t use those pre-recorded medical tips “shows,” and even in restaurants. The volume is often turned down, thankfully, but the garish, cheap sets and wide-open mouths of the pundits can be seen from almost any angle. A recent insider poll was conducted to determine the Fox News fan base and the results weren’t too surprising to me: Non-college educated whites 55 and older. That’s their audience! Those are the people watching Bill O’Lie-ley as Al Franken renamed him and Sean Insanity and all the rest of those propagandists and buying every word they hear. Sadly, that demographic fits a rather large segment of Michigan’s population including (SSHHhhh) EFB’s superior-minded and very racist mother (more on that in my next post).


Women with three names- This is another one of those annoyances I started noticing once I’d joined the Facebook cult. I knew they existed but had no idea how prevalent it was. I’m talking about women who want to be married, live the traditional lifestyle, drop out of the workplace and regress the women’s movement by fifty years through being soccer moms who still somehow think they shouldn’t have to completely lose their last names. Previous run-on sentence notwithstanding, this just pisses me right the fuck off! You cannot have it both ways. You either want to be an independent woman who likes to brag “No man pays MAH bills!” or you wanna be June Cleaver, the proverbial maid in the kitchen and tiger in the sack with the lights off and the shades drawn. The sort of “duality” required for the three-name thing is hypocrisy at its highest level. If you don’t want to lose the last name because of a loss of identity, get a fucking job with a name badge and get over yourselves!!!

AAAaarrrrgggghhhh that one almost caused me to lose it, vultures! Just one more to go before I can lave for my anger management class and fantasize about the others in there dying in the worst ways possible…

Gen-X’ers who think and act like Baby Boomers- I don’t get it. Generation X is defined as that sort of transitional group of kids who bridged the gap between the insensitive prick’s of the previous decades and the utter wimps of nowadays. We can still be jerks from time to time, but not in the way our predecessors were. We aren’t supposed to see the opposite as a separate species. Naturally there are exceptions to the rule. Women with absent or abusive fathers, men with controlling mothers, and first generation Americans tend to fall under that umbrella. But for those of us who are none of those things, it simply makes no sense.

All right, that's it. My next post promises to be extremely contriversial and for once it's not about what i find my underwear upon waking~