SCRIBE'S ADVENTURES WITH THE BAT-CULT

As I wrote in my Dark Knight review, there is a bizarre cult of fans of the new Batman films and more specifically director Chris Nolan that is rather disturbing. The saddest part of this is their complete lack of originality. They have taken all the passionate devotion of the Trekkies and combined it with the mindless and unquestioning acceptance of "Matrix" fans.





Now, you know me. I love all God's people as long as they don't fuck with me. I never said anything about them reacting to me fucking with them, however, and that's probably the loophole God used to make sure I am occasionally attacked for taking an unpopular stance. In this case I am but a victim, a whipping boy, if you will. Allz I done was innocently post dis here:





THE BAT-CULT 25-Jul-08 04:46 pm



What is it with you people, you know who you are. tiny-minded simpletons who seem to think Nolan's Batman is the second coming of Christ in your sick, sychophantic devotion to his intensely flawed vision. You bombard critics who don't like the movie as if they've attacked your lovers and you condemn those of us who don't think it's the greatest thing since crotch-less panties as idiots who don't "get it." That's exactly the type of behavior one expects from a cult. You wanna bombard somebody? bombard me! I'd love to hear it, soon as you've crawled out of the cellars your spiritual masters are keeping you locked in.





Now I ax you: Who in their right mind could find that offensive???





Really? Damn, maybe I should've stopped there, then. I probably would have, but damned if I ain't be got a talent for spotting the one missing component to an ongoing debate and causing people to sit up and pay attention. Like this guy:





This movie was fantastic. Get over yourself. Flawed vision. you must be retarded. Perhaps we should go back to watching Tommy Lee Jones and Jim Carrey? All previous Batman movies except the original were not even half as good as The Dark Knight or Batman Begins. Even George Clooney said Batman and Robin was the worst movie he's ever been in.





I replied: George Clooney was wrong! he forgot about One Fine Day!





And this guy, who some of these nimrods accused of being the same person as me, wrote to the prevous poster:





Poor child, you're to far gone to be saved. The post never once said anything about any other movie but the cult has trained you to come back with previous Batman and Robin movies. Jacks Joker and, now I'm going to say it, Danny ad the penguin was more fun to watch.





Some other brain trust decided to put us both in our places by writing:





Cult? I think you both are in a cult of retards. I'm not a fan of the comic. I'm not a fan of any comic. I enjoyed the movie because it was a fantastic movie. I'm not analyzing Heath's voice compared to Jack's or god damn hair color. I liked the movie because it was one of the dopest movies I've seen ever. I've seen all the Batman movies and I can honestly tell you that this one was by far the best. Jack and Danny were good in their own right but the latest two movies were centered in reality not emo bullcrap. If someone fell into a vat of acid their face wouldn't be white and hair be green. They would be dead. And if you lived in a god damn sewer, I'm pretty sure you would never be elected mayor of anything.





Now that I was set straight and realized a movie about a guy dressed as a bat is supposed to be realistic, I concilliatorily replied:





You've obviously never been to Detroit. Oh, and watch that "GD" stuff, lest you offend our sensitive Christian friends.



Why did I defend the poor Christians, you may ask? Because of this overly sensitive young'n:





Firstly, as a Christian, I am appalled at your statement. Secondly, why do you care so much?





Before I had a chance to reply to that, another person got to them first:





Why would you be appalled? More then anything on this board that bothers me the most si not if you like or dislike the movie, its how people are treated if they say they didn't have a good time watching it. People are allowed not to like the movie. Those actions are the reason why this thread was even started. SOME OF YOU ARE ACTING LIKE IT! Geeessssss.....





Good stuff, that, but ol' Scribe wouldn't be ol' Scribe if he didn't add to it:





firstly, i couldn't care less if you're offended as a Christian. You guys are far too sensitive for people who claim to hold all truth in an attractive leatherbound novel. My comparison was drawn to show how those who are cultish in regards to Batman movies seem to place them on the level of a messiah that is immune to criticism.


secondly, I care so much because I can't even make a dissenting comment without a bunch of lunatic fringe crap being spewed in my direction. hope I answered your questions, and I will refrain from the Christian metaphors and analogies so as not to offend in future posts.





Here's one from a supporter:





Your bang on... Some of these guys want to kill you for not liking the movie. As I've always said , movie is good but not great, or how some of you put it, FANTASTIC! lol That's brainwashed or maybe you're just been release from prison after 15 years. Star Wars series FANTASTIC, Scarface Fantastic, God Father series FANTASTIC, Lord of the Rings series SUPER FANTASTIC etc, etc etc... DK ok film.








And here's one from a detractor who actually read my review:





We're as much cult followers as you are a legit critic. Keep up the good work in those Junior College classes. You have a long way to go...





Personal attacks always restore my faith in humanity, so I thought I'd reciprocate:





Since you know me so well, I'll be sure to send you a copy of my novel coated in Vaseline so you can plunge it up your ass.





In true post-PC fashion, there's always somebody who is way too fucking sensitive and conducts themselves in the manner of a li' bitch, like this person:





Sorry that I'm "brainwashed" because myself and 99% of the world thinks this movie was awesome.





This prompted me to clarify:





let me clarify for those who seem to be misinterpreting this post- I don't think people who liked the movie are members of the Bat-cult. In fact, I did not dislike the movie, I just found it lacking in many important ways. The members of the Bat-cult are those people who react with such venom and militancy whenever someone says something negative.

One guy (I hope it was a guy, anyway) on a different post decided to prove me wrong and wrote:

Go suck a dick and two balls

To which I replied:

Why not 3 balls? Is your dad busy?

All this occured within a matter of a few hours, some of it within a few minutes, yet these dumb mofo's still maintain they're not part of a cult LMAO!!!

Yahoo! Message Boards, I've missed you so!