WHY I SUCK ASS:

It might surprise some of you to read that when I look into the mirror, I don’t much like the person staring back at me…dashingly handsome though he may be.

I know I often come across as a guy who is in love with himself, but it’s really just because as much as I hate myself, I hate everybody else even more. That’s why I’m so healthy and well-adjusted.

Still, the word “hate” in this context doesn’t mean what you might think. I don’t literally revile and despise every person on the planet. When I use it, I mean that I…literally…despise…every person on the…

Hmm. Perhaps I need to reevaluate my life and the lives of those around me. After all, what gives me the right to place myself in a position of superiority? Well, probably my inherent superiority, but that’s no excuse. Wait. I guess it kinda is.

In all seriousness, however, I do tend to retreat into myself during those times in life when either (a) I don’t feel anyone else understand what’s going on in me noggin, or (b) Anyone who does understand is probably not willing or able to help. Most likely this is due to projection on my part. But when it happens, Scribe retreats deeply into his inner Scribe-ness and it often takes a lot of cajoling and heavy petting to bring him back. I sometimes wonder if the day will come when he can’t come back, then I remember my dear departed head-shrinker mommy teaching me that self-acknowledgement is the first step to happy dysfunction.

At least, I think that’s what she said. I didn’t pay much attention, what with those “Beverly Hillbillies” reruns on my local channel 50 and all. And then later in life my addiction to porn continued to prevent me from listening to things that didn’t involve pleasure.

And since I didn’t pay close enough attention, I’ve developed a rather negative personality trait as a consequence. Basically, I become a terrible friend when I am consumed with my own issues. Non-responsive, insensitive, unreliable, you name it. When it happens, I don’t feel much in the way of regret or dismay, but when I return to my more typical “self,” I am flooded with an overwhelming remorse for my actions…or perhaps I should say lack of action.

Lately, I have exhibited that negative trait for longer than usual. To piggy-back off my earlier posts regarding my theories on the two major types of people in the world, as a person who exists for the benefit of others, I sometimes feel the need to re-chamber and latch onto something meaningful in my own life in order to continue my existence.

Naturally, it sucks to be my friend during those times. Frankly, I'm not sure why anybody wants to be my friend during "normal" times either, but I digest. Hmm? DiGRESS!!!

All I can do when I return to Scribe-normalcy is apologize to those I have neglected and work to make amends for whatever I did or did not do.

So there you have it. More chinks in the armor. One less barricade to knowing the real me. You'd almost think I planned it this way so that when my book comes out I will be a more accessible person :)

But that would entail serious long-term planning ,wouldn't it?

Not to mention shameless plugging on my end, which I am certainly far too dignified to indulge in! How dare any of you think otherwise?

HOW!
DARE!!
YOU!!!

Oh, my what's that? http://compublishing.homestead.com/Books.html

Somebody must've just left that lyin' around. Butterfingers! Whatever you do, don't you dare look at the Fourth book down!

DON'T!
YOU!!
DARE!!!

'Cause that would just be wrong...

;)